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-   -   Today Was a Good Day (http://forums.writersbeat.com/showthread.php?t=60963)

lessthanlindsey 11-13-2016 02:45 AM

Today Was a Good Day
 
I put on pants today
and I know,
considering my age group
that's not somethings unusual to hear
because it's the quirky thing to say
because 'oh my god adulting is like so hard amirite?'

but last week I wore the same underwear for five days straight
and now I've got a yeast infection
because it's so hard to shower every day
when your brain forgets what days actually are

and I swear I took a shower last night
but my hair is greasy and I smell like sweat and the shaving cuts on my thigh are almost healed
and I'm not sure what's real anymore

I got out of bed today
which isn't that impressive considering someone probably did fucking brain surgery today
but yesterday I didn't have the energy to tell my best friend I was okay
after she called me.
eight times.
in a row.

I got a text from her this morning
asking if I was alright
and I know she was just seeing
if I was still alive
because I told her I wanted to die
but it's so hard to kill yourself when you can't even get out of bed

I ate dinner today-
too much probably
but when you stop replacing meals with cigarettes and pain pills
it's hard to remember when to stop
I mean, when you've been hungry for years
you're going to get seconds

And yeah,
you're going to gain weight,
but there are still nights where you have a bottle of wine and a fistful of chocolate chips for dinner
because you used the last but of energy you had
to call your doctor
because eating wasn't as important as getting your prescription filled
so you could use the extra pounds anyway

I called my mother today
and I told her I loved her
I told my brother about the tea I bought
and how I've been sober for two weeks
and I know that's not so impressive,
but when after the second family member dies of liver failure
this year
all victories are large ones

She asks me how I'm doing
and I tell her I'm alright
and I mean it
I hope tonight she doesn't worry,
anticipate phone calls from unknown numbers
from hospitals
knocks on doors by police
bringing news of my suicide

We both remember what the bad days are like
we remember hiding knives and aspirin bottles
we've both
made love with box cutters
envied Ophelia and broken branches and
fantasized about rivers because
we've been thirsty for far too long

She tells me she is proud of me
I tell her it was a good day.




~This is not good, but it's good for my brain.

brianpatrick 11-13-2016 06:47 AM

Good to see you 'round LtL

Nick Pierce 11-15-2016 01:02 PM

[QUOTE=lessthanlindsey




~This is not good


[/QUOTE]


I will be the judge of that (for me).

Your compositions, from the start, have always had an undeniable pull. Subtle, like an undertow pulling one seaward.


This one demonstrates that trait and turns, tsunami like, shoreward where the incautious reader stands, jaw agape, as the piece floods over him. Or her.

Eilean donan 11-16-2016 12:46 AM

Subdued, yet intense. It's hard to pull that off. Good work.

lessthanlindsey 11-16-2016 10:13 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Nick Pierce (Post 728824)
I will be the judge of that (for me).

Your compositions, from the start, have always had an undeniable pull. Subtle, like an undertow pulling one seaward.


This one demonstrates that trait and turns, tsunami like, shoreward where the incautious reader stands, jaw agape, as the piece floods over him. Or her.

How poetic.

That means a lot; Thank you!~

lessthanlindsey 11-16-2016 10:14 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Eilean donan (Post 728832)
Subdued, yet intense. It's hard to pull that off. Good work.

Thank you so much!

Nick Pierce 11-17-2016 12:01 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by lessthanlindsey (Post 728864)
How poetic.

That means a lot; Thank you!~


Along with the main motion of the work you have worked in "adulting" and "amirite".

These are stylistic nuances that a close reader can savor.

JP_Inkswell 11-18-2016 05:07 AM

Mmmmm...life is better without pants.

Myers 11-18-2016 01:22 PM

Quote:

This is not good, but it's good for my brain.
It is good.

I hate to bang this drum, but it reads more like prose than poetry. A lot of the line breaks just serve as punctuation. You don't make any attempt to use enjambment or line breaks to emphasize or allow for momentary surprise or curiosity.

I can relate to a lot of this. So maybe I'm jaded. Like being "real" and honest is admirable, but sometimes it isn't quite enough. I think somehow as a bit of flash or prose there would be different expectations.

Regardless, I think it shows talent, and your writing keeps this from crossing the line into emo territory.

Nice job.

lessthanlindsey 11-20-2016 07:21 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Myers (Post 728921)
It is good.

I hate to bang this drum, but it reads more like prose than poetry. A lot of the line breaks just serve as punctuation. You don't make any attempt to use enjambment or line breaks to emphasize or allow for momentary surprise or curiosity.

I can relate to a lot of this. So maybe I'm jaded. Like being "real" and honest is admirable, but sometimes it isn't quite enough. I think somehow as a bit of flash or prose there would be different expectations.

Regardless, I think it shows talent, and your writing keeps this from crossing the line into emo territory.

Nice job.


I wrote this more for me than for it to actually be good or perfectly structured or anything else, really. But thanks for the feedback.

Nick Pierce 11-21-2016 02:25 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by lessthanlindsey (Post 729037)
I wrote this more for me than for it to actually be good or perfectly structured or anything else, really. But thanks for the feedback.


Yesterday, when my wife was cooking dinner, she asked me to read some poetry to her. I had been thinking of "Today Was a Good Day" from the time I commented on it. It was, for me, the natural choice.

After I was finished I realized she had no background for reference to the author. I went to your first piece, "untitled", and read that to her.

Can't say what she felt.

I did notice my body wanted to cry at the end of each work.


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