WritersBeat.com (http://forums.writersbeat.com/index.php)
-   Free Writing (http://forums.writersbeat.com/forumdisplay.php?f=64)
-   -   Monroe's Motivated Sequence Speech - Against Gun Control (http://forums.writersbeat.com/showthread.php?t=61018)

Syxx34 11-29-2016 05:30 AM

Monroe's Motivated Sequence Speech - Against Gun Control
Can someone review this and see if I actually did the "Monroe's Motivated Sequence"? If I did not. Can someone assist me with correcting this? This is my last writing assignment in my last writing class as I am a Math major and writing is not my subject.

Thank you for the help


Imagine yourself walking home late at night from a friends house. It is very dark and hard to keep track of your surroundings. Suddenly you hear footsteps quickly approaching you from behind. When you turn around you see a masked man with a knife. You only have seconds to act; what do you do. This situation can happen to anyone. Fortunately, there is an easy solution for this situation. If you had a firearm you could draw it within the few seconds you have and either scare or stop the attacker. Wouldn't you feel safer with a firearm?

The United States has always been a firm believer of the right to bear arms. Our birth as a nation began when colonial and militia soldiers took up arms against the tyranny of the British empire. I believe firearms are needed and should always have a place in the United States. Unfortunately, gun lobbyist and other anti-gun organizations are putting much unwanted pressure our second amendment rights. Being a gun owner has given me the opportunity to practice my second amendment rights. I own a variety of firearms which range from hand-guns to semi-automatic sporting rifles which lobbyist and even our current president calls "assault weapons". Today, you will see how gun control does not work, the benefits of firearms, and how you can protect your 2nd amendment rights.

Over 200 years ago when our founding fathers drafted the 2nd amendment, which is "A well regulated militia being necessary to the security of a free state, the right of the people to keep and bear arms shall not be infringed." Today, the way the American public perceives firearms is much different. Many Americans believe guns are the root of evil in the United States. Gun control lobbyist are trying to impose each and every possible law and regulation they can get through congress. Many of these rules and regulations which they wish to impose bite at the hands and feet of your second amendment. Gun control lobbyist are trying to scare the American public into throwing away there second amendment rights. Some of these lobbyist will do anything to give firearms and their owners a bad reputation. They are misleading statistics about gun to death ratio on children such as "The statistic labeled 18-19 year old as children making the total deaths much higher than it really should have been."

Criminals will bypass any gun controls laws that are in place or put into place. As a survey of felons showed that 93% of handguns had been obtained "off-the-record". This means that the felons bought their guns not through a gun store but from a black market dealer or another illegal method. Why should a law abiding citizens who passes a background check not be able to purchase a firearm. Many gun owners and enthusiast are asking why do we need so much rules and regulation on gun ownership since history shows gun control does not work. As the Washington Post states that Washington, D.C. has, perhaps, the most strict gun control laws in the country and yet it is frequently referred to as "the Murder Capital of the nation". In the 25 years following the Washington D.C. gun ban. "It's murder rate has INCREASED by 51 percent, even while the national rate DECREASED 36 percent." There was a rise in homicide by 200% in Washington D.C during this time.

Instead of putting pointless restrictions and laws on private gun ownership we should be educating the public about gun safety and how we can all benefit from them. When firearms are safely used and operated. They are used for different things such as providing food, entertainment, and for self-defense, which is the number one reason for owning a firearm. As said on gunowner.com that "Law-abiding citizens use guns to defend themselves against criminals as many as 2.5 million times every year" Which is equivalent to 6,850 times a day. This means that each year, "firearms are used more than 80 times more often to protect the lives of honest citizens than to take lives." The government has already imposed bans on assault riffles in America by limiting the amount one person can own plus the clip size of the riffle which is a maximum of 8 bullets or shots. Millions of law abiding citizens have owned these types of firearms for decades with out breaking any laws. This ban has opened the door to limiting other firearms a law abiding citizen could purchase. What is next on the ban list of firearms? The sporting rifles and shotguns which are the main firearms used to harvest game to put food on the table. Are we going to ban handguns which are used for self defense purposes such as a robbery, rape and/or murder. One day it will be decide by you.

We must act against gun lobbyist and anti-gun groups to preserve our second amendment rights. I am not telling you to go out and buy a gun but just simply wanting you to understand that America needs guns today just as much as we needed guns 200 years ago. Do not believe everything you see on TV and on the news. Many shows are biased on this topic or simply just want to improve their TV ratings. Before you make a decision about any gun control issue you should research it yourself and learn the true facts. For our rights to be preserved, we must not take this issue lightly and be conscious about how new laws and regulations which are trying to be passed will affect these rights and our safety. To learn more about gun control, gun safety, and your gun rights you can visit the National Rifle Associations (NRA) web site at NRA website. The National Riffle Association has eight of our President as lifetime members.

If we do not act to preserve our Second Amendment rights we might loose them. Every new law and regulation passed on private gun ownership is simply eroding the right to bear arms. Imagine a day where law abiding citizens must turn in there only means of protection and for others there only means of harvesting food. Criminals will have no fear in robbing,raping, committing murder or any other crime. As they will know that their victim they are walking up behind to has no means of defense.

In this speech, I have provided facts to prove that gun control does not work, the benefits of firearms, and how you can protect the second amendment for all law abiding citizens. I hope I persuaded you to understand that firearms save and protect more lives then they take. Also the criminals who commit the crimes or murders have purchased the firearm illegally. Taking away law abiding citizens right to bear arms will only make them naked and defenseless when a criminal decides to make them a victim. Please do not let our Second Amendment rights be lost. Thank you all for your time today.

Syxx34 11-29-2016 05:41 AM

any help will be greatly appreciated

Syxx34 11-29-2016 09:13 AM

any comments or suggestions? Any help is appreciated.

brianpatrick 11-29-2016 09:48 AM

What level of college is this for?

Syxx34 11-29-2016 10:15 AM


Originally Posted by brianpatrick (Post 729256)
What level of college is this for?

Introduction to Speaking Communications is the name of the class. Like i said before I am not a writer. The question I should ask is. Did I follow and use Monroe's Motivated Sequence for my speech?

brianpatrick 11-29-2016 11:17 AM

You pretty much followed the blueprint, it's just not well written.

Syxx34 11-29-2016 11:49 AM


Originally Posted by brianpatrick (Post 729258)
You pretty much followed the blueprint, it's just not well written.

Okay. I feel a little better. :) Any advice or suggestions?

brianpatrick 11-29-2016 12:16 PM

Naw. The problems are mostly with syntax and flow. Not everyone is good at that and I'm not sure, in your case, it's going to make much difference.

Does passing the class hinge on this paper? If not,
Don't worry about it.

Go solve some equations😀

Syxx34 11-29-2016 12:29 PM

It will determine if I get an "A" or a "B". Id prefer an "A" to raise my gpa average.

brianpatrick 11-29-2016 12:36 PM


Originally Posted by Syxx34 (Post 729263)
It will determine if I get an "A" or a "B". Id prefer an "A" to raise my gpa average.

Pay some Communications/English major to rewrite it then.

brianpatrick 11-29-2016 12:39 PM

You'll probably be fine. If you already have an A in the class, I wouldn't worry about it

Myers 11-29-2016 01:12 PM


Imagine yourself walking home late at night from a friend's house.
Two edits in just the first sentence. To be of much help, someone would have to go through and mark up the whole thing.

Syntax aside, I'm guessing you could go through it yourself and catch at least some of these things, especially the punctuation.

Also, just try reading it aloud, you might be able to catch some things that will help the flow.

As it is, I'd probably give you a C, so you might want to take another stab at it. :)

Nick Pierce 11-29-2016 02:11 PM

Bro, it's not a clip, it's a magazine.

And it ain't riffle it's rifle. You know, like National Rifle Association.

English is only one of the languages you speak, right?

Nick Pierce 11-29-2016 02:13 PM


As it is, I'd probably give you a C, so you might want to take another stab at it.


Yeah, give it another shot.

wrc 11-29-2016 02:50 PM

Here's my take on your question. I developed my perspective by looking up your assignment. Here it is in a nutshell:

"There are many descriptions of Monroe's motivated sequence. Here is one by Dominic Spencer, an instructor at the University of Central Florida in 2011:

Attention: Hey! Listen to me, you have a PROBLEM!
Need: Let me EXPLAIN the problem.
Satisfaction: But, I have a SOLUTION!
Visualization: If we IMPLEMENT my solution, this is what will happen. Or, if we don't implement my solution, this is what will happen.
Action: You can help me in this specific way. Will you help me?"

It looks to me that you met all the elements of the assignments of the assignment, and thereby deserve an "A".

The assignment didn't have a grammar component so disregard most of what you read here on WB since this is a forum of writers where many members are concerned with the rules of writing.

However, taking the time to solve the language skills pointed out to you will make you a more educated person, even if you see your future in math and numbers.

It's clear you spent a lot of time and thinking in doing the assignment, so good going. wrc

Myers 11-29-2016 03:01 PM

How do you know there isn't a "grammar component?"

brianpatrick 11-29-2016 03:23 PM

I always assume at the college level that grammar and syntax matter.

Syxx34 11-30-2016 05:49 AM

Thanks for the help. I am going to try but honestly I do see anything wrong. However I am not an English major so I do not see these "common mistakes" or flow/syntax you guys mention. I wouldn't mind someone to proof read it but it doesn't look like I am going to get help here for it.

Myers 11-30-2016 08:08 AM

Don't you have a friend or know another student who could proofread this?

Why do you think some stranger on the internet should do it for you?

And how do you even know that they would be competent enough to do a good job?

Tor 11-30-2016 03:27 PM

Regardless of the lack of assistance you have received here - this site is designed to be about writing. The members are about(or should be helping other writers with their writing. The ability to communicate effectively is an important skill in all of life's activities. Don't put it down. without it math may add up but no one will know. For God's sake don't cheat - you will only cheat yourself. Fools are suffered here - don't be one of them.

Nick Pierce 11-30-2016 03:36 PM


I am going to try but honestly I do see anything wrong.


Should be
I don't see anything wrong

And you ain't corrected riffle.

A little bit of effort on your end is required, Amigo.

Myers 11-30-2016 06:05 PM

Keep in mind Tor is completely tone deaf to irony. He takes what people say and himself way too seriously.

I'm betting a lot of instructors would say the OP is already cheating by posting his work online and asking for help. So he's a day late and a dollar short.

As to whether or not proof reading by a peer is considered cheating, policies vary, and it's usually comes down to the instructor. Otherwise, if someone is attending college, then he should be responsible for his own ethical decisions.

But by all means, let's applaud his stance on the importance of good communications. (Apparently learned from the perspective of a cautionary tale.) It never really hurts to repeat the obvious.

Suffering fools indeed.

Mohican 12-07-2016 06:56 AM

Re the posted piece - it's too "Boilerplate" and very stiff.

All times are GMT -8. The time now is 10:31 AM.

vBulletin, Copyright 2000-2006, Jelsoft Enterprises Ltd.