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-   -   The Last Train [Poetic Conceit] (http://forums.writersbeat.com/showthread.php?t=19190)

ZiggaZil 08-02-2009 07:45 PM

The Last Train [Poetic Conceit]
 
(I'm unsure if this is the general idea of poetic conceit. But I thought I'd try it. I'm a rookie poet. :D )

The Last Train
I wait.
I wonder.
I wish.

The tracks beckon and bellow
Beckoning me closer
Pulling me deeper.
Calling to me in the deepest part of night.

I watch the trains pass me by
Day by day
Chance by chance.

I watch the time bleed from day to day
Week to week.
I feel the chill of the seasons changing
And the rumble of the trains.

I feel the rustle of my bones.
I hear the pound of my heart
The shout of need in my brain.

I see the last train.

And I ride.
The tracks no longer bellow from afar.
For I feel them under me.
I’m traveling,
Traveling,
…traveling.

A destination in sight.
A world at my fingertips.
And the last train rumbling on.

Joerotheray 08-04-2009 10:13 AM

I am a rookie as well, at most things. I am trying to decide whether you are the train or the traveler.

ZiggaZil 08-04-2009 02:16 PM

I see I see. Lol. Yeah. I never really do poetry. More songs and stories.

I wrote it as being the traveler. But I didn't think about the alternative meaning...hmmm...

HoiLei 08-04-2009 05:00 PM

I like it. It makes me wonder what the person was waiting for; why take the last train when there were plenty before? Since I'm a terrible procrastinator, I think I could be the narrator. "What, something incredibly important? Nah, I'll wait." Then, when I finally do it, I enjoy it and wish I'd given myself more time! The "tracks beneath me", finally-traveling part is the best...

ZiggaZil 08-04-2009 05:14 PM

It's kind of like....

The person is wandering at first. No idea where to go, no idea where to turn. Something happened, something big, and left them back at square one. And though trains came by, none of them were right. You know?

HoiLei 08-04-2009 06:01 PM

I see! You definitely showed that uncertainty. Did he get on the last train because it was right, or because he knew it was the last, and moving was better than staying still in limbo?

ZiggaZil 08-05-2009 04:37 PM

It was right.

I suppose the imagery of the train replicates the paths we take to find where we belong in the world. Instead of taking wrong trains and having to backtrack through other stations, he stayed put until the right one came along. Not to say that's the only right way. But you know what I mean?

And really, the 'last train' could not be the last train at all, but it's the last train for him.

Phyllis Stewart 10-13-2011 11:20 PM

Sounds to me like you were waiting either for the courage to move on or for something worth moving toward, and you waited a very long time, perhaps longer than you should have. When you realized you had only one more chance, you made your move. Sounds like what too many people go through, losing a lot of their lives by waiting for the right moment or the right goal. The metaphor works great here! Trains are popular in songs and literature for a reason, I think, with the tracks there as a guide and a physical feeling from the shaking and swaying telling you that you are moving, more so than a plane would, for example. And it's just right here too.

Joerotheray 10-13-2011 11:48 PM

The last few lines give a positive spin.


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