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risk10 10-01-2013 11:31 PM

Reislan Miers
My name is Reislan, and I suffer horrific, debilitating hallucinations.

They started when I was about twelve. When the first one happened I thought it was a nightmare, that I must have been asleep, but I wasn't. Once, I was convinced my younger brother, Myron, was melting - the flesh dripping from his bone, as if he were made of oil. I screamed and ran to try and save him, only to find myself on the edge of the school playground, all the kids laughing at me as tears streamed down my face.

All through high school it happened. I tried to ignore them, but their intesity grew, like they were reacting to me, forcing themselves upon me, deeper and deeper into my psyche. Depression set in and I started to harm myself. Little cuts at first, that seemed to make them go away. After a while I needed to cut a little deeper to make them stop. Always hiding my scars, my shame.

This worked, until I cut myself so deep I nearly bled out in the janitor's closet. My nasty secret was revealled and I spent the next three years in psychiatric care. When I was released, everyone was so supportive, nuturing and wanted only to make sure I was comfortable. It made me sick.

Thankfully the war started. It got me away from them all, and I hadn't suffered an hallucination for nearly two years thanks to the medication. I was in the final stages of basic training, ready for deployment within the week, when it happened to me. This one was so strong, like it was making up for all the ones I had medically suppressed.

The man in the black cloak was to kill everyone if I didn't react.

That damn man in the black cloak. I nearly killed two fellow cadets. And now I back here, minding my parents' general store. No adventures for me; just these damn hallicinations and my skull crushing depression.


Filterdreaming 10-02-2013 05:32 PM

1. Is there anything that seems to trigger these hallucinations? When do they usually happen? Is there some emotional tie to them? When did they start exactly?

2. What are you studying in high school? Do you have any friends? Where do you hang out in break time?

3. What is your home life like? Do you have a cultured home? How is your relationship with your brother? What about your parents? Why didn't you ask them for help earlier on?

4. Why did you join the army? I know there was a war but you must have had other reasons.

5. What do you think is happening with these hallucinations? I know what the doctor's and everyone else would think but what do you personally think?

6. Have you seen that man in the black cloak before? Or was that incident the first time?

risk10 10-02-2013 07:09 PM

My hallucinations are random, though my vision does blur maybe two or three minutes before they start. It can happen anytime, day or night. Sometimes there is emotion behind them, like something or someone is threatening my life or the lives of those I care about. Other times there is no connection, like the one where an iron river coursed through the skies. It was weird, but overall one of the more tame hallicinations.

I finished high-school about seven years ago - but I majored in Tellerhood scripture and lore. I have better knowledge than most regarding the 12 Protectors, the Time of Origin and The Legend Tome. History and religion have always facinated me, probably because of my delusions. There was a great Mythsayer - Gammerind the Insightful, who also suffered hallucinations, like me. I learned about him in primary school around the same time my own affliction struck me, so I guess I relate to him. Though my "visions" seem to have no prophetic value.

I had very few friends in school and spent most of my time in the library reading the old scriptures. When I wasn't been bullied for being 'mad' or hiding in one of several dark corners I had found on the high school campus while suffering an hallucinations. I was lonely. Even my own brother wouldn't hang around me, though he is a few years younger than me.

I cannot say a bad word about my parents. I was something of a surprise, as my mother was told she was unable to have children, and she was nearly forty when she had me. My father was a career soldier in the United Protectorates Armed Forces, until the end of the First War of Separation. He doesn't talk too much about his time, but was not thrilled when Myron and I enlisted when the Second War of Separation started about six years ago.

I talked to my parents about my hallucinations and they tried to help, but really I have been alone dealing with this. Noone understands and I cannot find anyone anywhere that suffers like I do (except for Gammerind, but he's been dead over 1000 years now, so not much help there). I learned that inflicting physical pain was the only way to stop the mental one.

I joined the army so I could receive Protectorship status. That would allow me to travel freely between the Protectorate systems. Also, it focussed me on something more than tending to my parents' shop. A boring life to say the least. Realistically, when you are stuck in Kassidia, there is no where to go but somewhere more interesting.

The hallucinations are vile, debilitating and each one leaves a permanent stain on my soul. I guess the best way to describe it is sheer desolation - like been stranded in the desert with all you need to survive, but knowing you are never going to see a living soul again. If you die, it has to be by choice because nothing else will save you. That's how it feels.

The first, and thankfully the only, time was during the end of basic training. He seemed to make the walls shift, turning winter steel into clay. He was truely one of the most terrifying hallicinations I have ever had. Flesh to bone, I knew I had to stop him, anyway I could. That's what caused me to start shooting at him, wounding two fellow cadets and ending up winged by the Guardian-Master-General to put me down.

Thanks for listening. It's great to have someone to talk to. I guess it's back to the store. Old Tover Haggert will be wanting his gniproot juice this evening.

Filterdreaming 10-02-2013 08:35 PM

1. What is the tellerhood scripture and why were you drawn to it (other then the delusion thing. Was there any other aspect that drew you to it)? And what are protectors?

2. Why do you think Myron join the war? What do you think happened to your father during his war. What is the war about?

3. Tell me about Gammerind. Who was he? Why do you think that pain helps stop the delusions?

4. Tell me about Kassidia. Why do you find it so boring?

5. Do your visions want something from you? Are they trying to get you to do something? Do you think the black cloaked man will return?

RyleyAlexander 07-27-2014 12:26 AM

Curious? Why did your loved one's care and attention make you sick? I'd kill for someone to care about me like that. Instead they just call me crazy.

Are you a paranoid schizophrenic too? Just wondering what causes your hallucinations.

Your story made me sad to read, so well worded. I can't wait to read the whole story. I hope you feel better soon.

Strange thought- what if the man in the black coat is real? What if you aren't crazy, and the only way you can save everyone, is to delve deeper into your "insanity"? Sorry, I can't ask any more questions like that. The man in the white coat says it isn't healthy.

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