WritersBeat.com (http://forums.writersbeat.com/index.php)
-   Poetry (http://forums.writersbeat.com/forumdisplay.php?f=10)
-   -   Drown (http://forums.writersbeat.com/showthread.php?t=61745)

pralina 10-23-2017 12:13 PM

I am a floating head
in the ocean of my fears
ripples on the surface
are just remnants of my dreams
caress my mind
don't let it drown
be the gentle touch
when I need your arm

no meaning is enough
for my words to come to life
no sounds are accurate
when you drown, drown, drown...

it seems like it's always raining
the wet curtains fall around me
i'm an idiot in the making
my head's screaming drown, drown, drown...

Lockette 10-23-2017 01:12 PM

Capitalize the I in last line first stanza
gentle 1st stanza
Accurate in the 2nd stanza.

Other than that, I can't see anything. Poetry isn't my thing. Never liked it, never wrote it well. I drop in form time to time to offer my opinion.

pralina 10-23-2017 01:49 PM

I didn't notice the typos, thanks!

All times are GMT -8. The time now is 06:26 AM.

vBulletin, Copyright 2000-2006, Jelsoft Enterprises Ltd.