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Forum: Poetry 01-23-2014, 07:17 PM
Replies: 22
Views: 1,278
Posted By alley
Ah, so you finally got the hint, ay? ;) As...

Ah, so you finally got the hint, ay? ;)

As you and other seasoned writers continually reinforce, writing is all about revision sometimes. Thanks for the input.
~alley
Forum: Poetry 01-23-2014, 07:07 PM
Replies: 22
Views: 1,278
Posted By alley
Face palms

Alright, before everyone does face palms (and Scott and Lance probably already have) I did say iambic seemed intimidating to me. So I went for metered verse. :p

In all honesty, I like my original...
Forum: Poetry 01-22-2014, 06:32 PM
Replies: 22
Views: 1,278
Posted By alley
Exercise

Scott, although I knew you complimented the verse and were encouraging me, I felt quite small and noobish indeed as I tangled with literature terms unfamiliar to me. After a flurry of googles and...
Forum: Poetry 01-21-2014, 08:21 PM
Replies: 22
Views: 1,278
Posted By alley
on feedback

Tor, that's sound advice. Lately I've been in a "plainer" writing phase. But this thread tells me I could be crafting it cleaner.

Although it's tough at times to hear, I appreciate when someone...
Forum: Poetry 01-20-2014, 01:24 PM
Replies: 14
Views: 856
Posted By alley
Icon10 Fun for me...

That left a smile on my face. I also think it's clever how you pause the progression with ...but then you laugh... and jump forward to pick up again. It's a fun poem!

~alley
Forum: Poetry 01-20-2014, 06:04 AM
Replies: 22
Views: 1,278
Posted By alley
Icon11 depth

I was beginning to worry that my simple word choices fell flat with everyone and I was out of my depth!

Thanks for the encouragement Nacia.
Forum: Poetry 01-19-2014, 02:35 PM
Replies: 22
Views: 1,278
Posted By alley
LanceRocks, you make an excellent point. I've...

LanceRocks, you make an excellent point. I've seen some exquisite passages of writing ruined when they were revised to conform with structured norms.
Forum: Poetry 01-19-2014, 02:29 PM
Replies: 22
Views: 1,278
Posted By alley
Meter

Yes I see what you are saying. I was definitely going for a rhythm as I wrote it and the second stanza doesn't conform.

Thanks for the info!
Forum: Poetry 01-19-2014, 05:45 AM
Replies: 22
Views: 1,278
Posted By alley
scansion and structure in general

I'm certainly not surprised to hear that it lacks consistency. I'm a casual poet who composes only when the mood strikes me. I've read and admired the balance of well written poems and I'm interested...
Forum: Poetry 01-18-2014, 01:16 PM
Replies: 22
Views: 1,278
Posted By alley
My Days

As the day goes wandering by
I come to stop and wonder why
how come I want to run and hide
and what's this ache I feel inside


Every day it starts anew
and by the end I'm feeling blue
I find...
Forum: Poetry 08-16-2013, 07:49 AM
Replies: 6
Views: 632
Posted By alley
KBR, you got some damn good imagery here. What I...

KBR, you got some damn good imagery here. What I appreciate about your writing is that it steps beyond the traditional lines we often bound ourselves within.

Must all be balanced, measured, and...
Forum: Poetry 08-16-2013, 06:46 AM
Replies: 1
You
Views: 479
Posted By alley
This is a very good reflection on how we can fool...

This is a very good reflection on how we can fool ourselves into believing something exists when actually there is nothing there. Oh no doubt, the object of desire, that special person, does exist,...
Forum: Poetry 08-16-2013, 06:21 AM
Replies: 7
Me
Views: 624
Posted By alley
This is one of those instances where I'll respond...

This is one of those instances where I'll respond as a reader instead of a writer.
I can really relate to the first line of your poem. When I saw it on the quick preview pop up, the hook was...
Forum: Poetry 08-02-2013, 09:21 AM
Replies: 11
Views: 1,019
Posted By alley
True, tigers are solitary. They socialize with...

True, tigers are solitary. They socialize with their own only for as long as there is a need.

It's a bit hard to explain why I chose the tiger. I just have this image in my head of one pacing...
Forum: Poetry 08-02-2013, 09:20 AM
Replies: 11
Views: 1,019
Posted By alley
Interesting point KBR. And if the tiger goes on...

Interesting point KBR. And if the tiger goes on the hunt; it will have moved on.

~alley
Forum: Poetry 08-02-2013, 09:19 AM
Replies: 11
Views: 1,019
Posted By alley
I guess I just prefer to post my stuff with an...

I guess I just prefer to post my stuff with an introduction. When I wrote this intro, it didn't feel like I was explaining the poem. I'll still present my posts, but I'll be mindful of your point...
Forum: Non-Fiction 08-01-2013, 06:20 AM
Replies: 7
Views: 1,414
Posted By alley
It's an interesting style of writing. Very chummy...

It's an interesting style of writing. Very chummy and familiar, as if you are relaying this to some of your buddies. I notice you pack a lot of information into each sentence. I started skimming some...
Forum: Poetry 08-01-2013, 05:51 AM
Replies: 11
Views: 1,019
Posted By alley
iDrew, thanks for the input. I like some of the...

iDrew, thanks for the input. I like some of the rearrangement you demonstrated.

I definately wish to keep the term "restless tiger" though.

The feeling I'm trying to convey is one of...
Forum: Poetry 07-24-2013, 11:05 AM
Replies: 11
Views: 1,019
Posted By alley
Open Cage

Greetings all,

Here's another short poem about unrequited love. It's one of those places that no one wants to be, but I figure while I'm here, I might as well write about it!

I welcome your...
Forum: Poetry 07-24-2013, 10:55 AM
Replies: 3
Views: 486
Posted By alley
I read this as a reflection of loathing and...

I read this as a reflection of loathing and disappointment. There was a time, way back, when I looked in the mirror with disgust; I would have embraced your poem and made it my mantra.

The second...
Forum: Poetry 07-24-2013, 10:43 AM
Replies: 13
Views: 873
Posted By alley
Regarding late and life experience

Snicket, I'm so glad you came back to this thread. My response was late because I've only come into membership of this forum as of late. Anyway, your poem post, no matter how old, compelled a...
Forum: Poetry 06-21-2013, 04:15 AM
Replies: 12
Views: 867
Posted By alley
title

I agree about the title. It doesn't seem to fit the poem. I went in expecting something detailing the flavor and tone of human emotions such as passion or anger.

I enjoyed the poem. Very effective...
Forum: Poetry 05-14-2013, 08:48 AM
Replies: 9
Views: 656
Posted By alley
A consideration:

I understand why you held back and pulled your punches. But really, this poem can hold its own without the uplifting finish.

Think about what your intentions were when you composed this. Was it...
Forum: Poetry 05-12-2013, 07:18 PM
Replies: 9
Views: 656
Posted By alley
My Initial Reaction:

GwynnBleidd, I read through this several times. There's so much here. It's very deep and very profound.

I feel as if your words brought me to the edge of a chasm and showed me its jagged ledges...
Forum: Poetry 05-05-2013, 09:15 AM
Replies: 4
Views: 481
Posted By alley
Thirst

Cristobel, I couldn't have asked for a better analysis than this. You are just awesome dude!

I agree that this is short, and I actually trimmed out some lines. As I did the edit, I felt I was...
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