WritersBeat.com
 

Go Back   WritersBeat.com > Search Forums


Showing results 1 to 25 of 500
Search took 0.02 seconds.
Search: Posts Made By: daes13
Forum: Fiction Yesterday, 12:50 PM
Replies: 2
Views: 100
Posted By daes13
Agree with Blue, the conversation is stilted and...

Agree with Blue, the conversation is stilted and seems like an outline if where you want it to go as opposed to what they would really say.

I think theres a story in here, but there's an utter...
Forum: Writers' Cafe 08-18-2018, 04:41 AM
Replies: 99
Views: 1,285
Posted By daes13
Now that the mystery of BP has been solved... ...

Now that the mystery of BP has been solved...

What happened to Max Crash? Noticed he hasnt been hanging around at all.
Forum: Non-Fiction 08-10-2018, 11:54 AM
Replies: 12
Views: 687
Posted By daes13
Yeah most of them flowed well for me, just a...

Yeah most of them flowed well for me, just a couple made me stumble. After work ill read back through and point them out for your consideration sir
Forum: Non-Fiction 08-10-2018, 03:53 AM
Replies: 12
Views: 687
Posted By daes13
On a phone, so that definitely wont happen. Its...

On a phone, so that definitely wont happen. Its really hard to do that stuff on this miniscreen.

I'm sure you will see a few places that could use "the, a, an" next read through. Not all but a few...
Forum: Non-Fiction 08-09-2018, 04:19 PM
Replies: 12
Views: 687
Posted By daes13
A few determiners would help clean the flow a bit...

A few determiners would help clean the flow a bit in my opinion, and it shouldnt hurt the tempo.
Forum: Free Writing 08-09-2018, 04:16 PM
Replies: 5
Views: 190
Posted By daes13
Yes agreed. That or imbue the stream of...

Yes agreed. That or imbue the stream of conciousness with the dog attribute

You do well with the smell, but hearing as well could be incorporated. The dialogue is good, just the spaces in between...
Forum: Free Writing 08-09-2018, 03:22 PM
Replies: 5
Views: 190
Posted By daes13
You lose the tempo and character stream of...

You lose the tempo and character stream of consciousness in the second part. I rather enjoyed that about the first part.

Well written as always
Forum: Fiction 08-07-2018, 04:48 PM
Replies: 7
Views: 356
Posted By daes13
Yeah its cliche, but so what? Deleuze says theres...

Yeah its cliche, but so what? Deleuze says theres no such thing as a blank canvas. It is filled with every cliche of your generation and every generation that came before. Art is destruction....
Forum: Fiction 08-04-2018, 05:02 PM
Replies: 22
Views: 665
Posted By daes13
Been enamored with Herbert lately. I want to...

Been enamored with Herbert lately. I want to suggest something I did not before.... As well as POV (point of view, we all know this) is POD (Point of detail).What factors hint at the mundane in this...
Forum: Fiction 08-02-2018, 02:55 PM
Replies: 22
Views: 665
Posted By daes13
Dont do line edits its a waste of both of our...

Dont do line edits its a waste of both of our times. I do suggestions from a reader who thinks he knows something...

Dream/Roommate: Not sure what you have planned for this section in the whole...
Forum: Free Writing 08-01-2018, 05:06 PM
Replies: 6
Old
Views: 289
Posted By daes13
From "They both laughed..." And on delete. Use...

From "They both laughed..." And on delete. Use their interactions to show this. Avoid summarizing for your reader.

I like this a lot, has a good chance of being something if you concentrate on...
Forum: Writers' Cafe 07-31-2018, 04:38 PM
Replies: 27
Views: 359
Posted By daes13
Ya never heard the tale of the waved that crashed...

Ya never heard the tale of the waved that crashed on shore? Only the remains made it out to sea...

I'm like really drunk, but you knew that
Forum: Writers' Cafe 07-31-2018, 04:03 PM
Replies: 27
Views: 359
Posted By daes13
I believe you may have just created the best...

I believe you may have just created the best explanation fir all of humanity
Forum: Writers' Cafe 07-31-2018, 03:47 PM
Replies: 27
Views: 359
Posted By daes13
My girl is my sexy dame in a tight sweater haha

My girl is my sexy dame in a tight sweater haha
Forum: Writers' Cafe 07-31-2018, 03:46 PM
Replies: 27
Views: 359
Posted By daes13
I dont trust it when you're helpful.... Fell like...

I dont trust it when you're helpful.... Fell like youre just mocking heh
Forum: Writers' Cafe 07-31-2018, 03:30 PM
Replies: 27
Views: 359
Posted By daes13
Thought about using a dictating feature, but I...

Thought about using a dictating feature, but I really want my punctuation and paragraphs
Forum: Writers' Cafe 07-31-2018, 03:28 PM
Replies: 27
Views: 359
Posted By daes13
Bah! Damnit Tim! Thought you were stringing me...

Bah! Damnit Tim! Thought you were stringing me along cause you had the answer. You twisted devil hahahaha
Forum: Writers' Cafe 07-31-2018, 03:09 PM
Replies: 27
Views: 359
Posted By daes13
Really? You gonna throw that kind of orange and...

Really? You gonna throw that kind of orange and apple fallacy?

Yeah, I aint no damned hipster, but I like to write stories on a type writer, I also hand write my shit poesy. Now, I aint no...
Forum: Writers' Cafe 07-31-2018, 02:39 PM
Replies: 27
Views: 359
Posted By daes13
Bah!!! Something is cathartic about writing on a...

Bah!!! Something is cathartic about writing on a type writer.
Forum: Writers' Cafe 07-31-2018, 02:12 PM
Replies: 27
Views: 359
Posted By daes13
Tech savvy peoples help please

I have recently been writing a hefty bit on my type writer. Now, I do not mind rewriting, but transcribing (as some parts are worth keeping for consideration) is a very dull affair.

Does anyone...
Forum: Fiction 07-31-2018, 01:58 PM
Replies: 22
Views: 665
Posted By daes13
Sign of a real writer. Give me a couple days and...

Sign of a real writer. Give me a couple days and I will give you a real critique. Very refreshing to hear this.

Still, my compliments remain. I have been perusing sci-fi a lot lately and even...
Forum: Fiction 07-22-2018, 07:48 AM
Replies: 22
Views: 665
Posted By daes13
This piece made me go smoke a cig and chew on...

This piece made me go smoke a cig and chew on it... Very nice. The characters are good, and the world you have built comes through.

I agree with BP, center the POV. Unless, you use the moments of...
Forum: Fiction 07-22-2018, 03:58 AM
Replies: 5
Views: 719
Posted By daes13
Dear God, what day is it?

Dear God, what day is it?
Forum: Fiction 07-21-2018, 04:30 PM
Replies: 5
Views: 719
Posted By daes13
This is what I like to call an avalanche story,...

This is what I like to call an avalanche story, starting breakneck in medias res in hopes of carrying away the reader but just ends up snowballing into a splat.

As a script, it may have merits. As...
Forum: Fiction 07-21-2018, 03:58 PM
Replies: 5
Views: 353
Posted By daes13
Really like this piece, but a little over...

Really like this piece, but a little over explanatory for me.

Consider the window. To me that is symbolic of the POVs desire and thought processes. Check the third to last paragraph and second to...
Showing results 1 to 25 of 500

 

All times are GMT -8. The time now is 09:40 AM.

vBulletin, Copyright 2000-2006, Jelsoft Enterprises Ltd.