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Search: Posts Made By: Blue
Forum: Writing Help & Issues 09-08-2016, 11:29 PM
Replies: 2
Views: 2,061
Posted By Blue
Your arrested characters don't need an alibi to...

Your arrested characters don't need an alibi to be exonerated, the hostage was fake ( fellow gang member ), the gun wasn't loaded, the new recruit was not a cop. They can explain it as a practical...
Forum: Fiction 07-15-2016, 05:54 AM
Replies: 2
Views: 1,075
Posted By Blue
I stopped reading (castles high school - line 8...

I stopped reading (castles high school - line 8 the sentence from Mandy made no sense to me and is confusing in the context. Why are there *at either end of the majority of the lines?*
Forum: Writers' Cafe 07-13-2016, 09:32 PM
Replies: 12
Views: 2,511
Posted By Blue
Hi, it's good there's only one thing (not knowing...

Hi, it's good there's only one thing (not knowing where he is, unsure how he got there) prevents the piece from flowing properly.
The rest reads well.

I would still suggest you put (his) unseen...
Forum: Writers' Cafe 07-13-2016, 12:12 PM
Replies: 21
Views: 3,184
Posted By Blue
Not everyone has a traditional funeral some...

Not everyone has a traditional funeral some people have their remains picked up by the undertaker and discreetly cremated with no service, no relatives and then the ashes are buried in cream plot or...
Forum: Lyrics 07-08-2016, 11:01 AM
Replies: 1
Views: 239
Posted By Blue
This is good :)

This is good :)
Forum: Writing Help & Issues 07-08-2016, 10:59 AM
Replies: 44
Views: 5,277
Posted By Blue
Ok raising my head above the parapet ;) I think...

Ok raising my head above the parapet ;) I think you need to talk to someone about all this as you appear to have some kind of depression and this site is not going to help with that. You could try...
Forum: Free Writing 07-08-2016, 10:27 AM
Replies: 6
Views: 524
Posted By Blue
I found this strange.

I found this strange.
Forum: Non-Fiction 07-08-2016, 12:08 AM
Replies: 4
Views: 1,105
Posted By Blue
Just tried to click on your CD songs (via your...

Just tried to click on your CD songs (via your website) and thought you should know the videos don't play u tube says there unavailable.
Forum: Non-Fiction 07-08-2016, 12:03 AM
Replies: 4
Views: 1,105
Posted By Blue
Well I've looked at some of the above and the...

Well I've looked at some of the above and the Abba biography is great it must have taken you ages to do all the research.

I wondered away from this though and viewed your bio. I think it's really...
Forum: Writers' Cafe 07-07-2016, 10:17 PM
Replies: 12
Views: 2,511
Posted By Blue
Much better, it would make me curious enough to...

Much better, it would make me curious enough to open the book.

Only think is I would get rid of the word 'the' before Indian and after elder write 'Joe' as its not clear who the Indian elder is....
Forum: Lyrics 07-07-2016, 12:10 PM
Replies: 4
Views: 241
Posted By Blue
Hi looked at the u tube link sounds good also...

Hi looked at the u tube link sounds good also like your songs free and all roads lead to you.
Forum: Free Writing 07-06-2016, 10:29 PM
Replies: 3
Views: 602
Posted By Blue
This is extremely hard to read and understand,...

This is extremely hard to read and understand, makes absolutely no sense to me. I attempted to read it through several times but just couldn't. It doesn't flow at all.
Forum: Writers' Cafe 07-06-2016, 10:23 PM
Replies: 12
Views: 2,511
Posted By Blue
Hi, the blurb still wouldn't make me buy the...

Hi, the blurb still wouldn't make me buy the book. Maybe try opening with.

Suffering with ptsd staff sargent ray daniels goes awol.

If you keep the ptsd and his rank in the blurb then it...
Forum: Writers' Cafe 07-06-2016, 08:55 AM
Replies: 12
Views: 2,511
Posted By Blue
The new cover is great, I really like the colours...

The new cover is great, I really like the colours in it.
Forum: Writers' Cafe 07-06-2016, 08:53 AM
Replies: 21
Views: 3,184
Posted By Blue
Not every person that dies gets an obituary...

Not every person that dies gets an obituary notice, so no.
Forum: Writing Help & Issues 07-05-2016, 06:05 AM
Replies: 6
Views: 1,816
Posted By Blue
Hi I think your story idea sounds good. I would...

Hi I think your story idea sounds good. I would stick with the facility being beneath the amusement park.
As for the revealing of the facility's existence it could be he wants the casualties for...
Forum: Writers' Cafe 07-03-2016, 09:40 PM
Replies: 21
Views: 3,184
Posted By Blue
Hi, ...

Hi, No I wouldn't believe that lie.
Determining if it's for a good cause can't be done unless you tell a...
Forum: Writers' Cafe 07-02-2016, 03:52 AM
Replies: 9,227
Views: 273,996
Posted By Blue
Wings by birdy.

Wings by birdy.
Forum: Writers' Cafe 07-02-2016, 03:50 AM
Replies: 21
Views: 3,184
Posted By Blue
If by good lies you mean a lie that sounds like...

If by good lies you mean a lie that sounds like it could be the truth then no. Your lie is just the run of the mill dog ate my homework sir and no teacher ever believed that one. More believable...
Forum: Lyrics 07-01-2016, 06:50 AM
Replies: 1
Views: 338
Posted By Blue
I like these lyrics. :)

I like these lyrics. :)
Forum: Writers' Cafe 07-01-2016, 06:44 AM
Replies: 12
Views: 2,511
Posted By Blue
Hi, i've read it several times and it wouldn't...

Hi, i've read it several times and it wouldn't make me buy the book. I suggest you consider reworking the passage to make it more punchy so that potential purchasers have their interest sparked. The...
Forum: Lyrics 07-01-2016, 03:59 AM
Replies: 1
Views: 341
Posted By Blue
Hi, strange words for song lyrics in my opinion...

Hi, strange words for song lyrics in my opinion but I did like the first verse. I have no idea what "looks like Hillary the morning after Pocahontas" means. But that could be because i'm from the UK.
Forum: Introductions 07-01-2016, 03:35 AM
Replies: 2
Views: 526
Posted By Blue
Thanks for your kind welcome and advice Max, I'll...

Thanks for your kind welcome and advice Max, I'll be sure to follow it and look out for your work to. :)
Forum: Introductions 06-30-2016, 11:06 AM
Replies: 2
Views: 526
Posted By Blue
Icon7 Another newbie saying hi

Well having nosed around I thought I'd join, you seem like a friendly bunch. I'm from the UK, in my 30's. I've been writing for a long time now started off as a poet had...
Showing results 1 to 24 of 24

 

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