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Forum: Research Section 06-15-2016, 01:31 PM
Replies: 5
Views: 2,694
Posted By Jon Starr
Thanks! This is all very helpful! Hmm,...

Thanks! This is all very helpful!



Hmm, didn't know this. I was writing it where my character was constantly thirsty (he's dehydrated a lot). So in reality you won't feel thirsty at all? Even...
Forum: Research Section 06-15-2016, 01:27 PM
Replies: 4
Views: 1,850
Posted By Jon Starr
It's not just that it's a plug (and not exactly a...

It's not just that it's a plug (and not exactly a perfect plug, you will still bleed I've heard-maybe depending on the wound). It's also that you can do more damage by pulling it out, and that's what...
Forum: Research Section 05-29-2016, 11:01 AM
Replies: 5
Views: 2,694
Posted By Jon Starr
Thanks for the response! I know that in...

Thanks for the response!

I know that in humid heat, at least in the minor humid heat I've felt, it's not so much the air that make's you thirsty, just the sweating. You're right about it making it...
Forum: Research Section 05-29-2016, 10:55 AM
Replies: 4
Views: 1,850
Posted By Jon Starr
Wow thanks! Sorry to hear that happened, must...

Wow thanks! Sorry to hear that happened, must have been frightening.

Yeah I do remember a small momentary delay before feeling the burning after being cut, but it didn't take long.
Forum: Research Section 05-29-2016, 10:49 AM
Replies: 2
Views: 1,698
Posted By Jon Starr
A dislocated shoulder. He get's it from being...

A dislocated shoulder. He get's it from being thrown across a canyon, and dislocates it on impact. However I don't want it to be so debilitating that he can't go on with his task.
Forum: Research Section 05-26-2016, 08:25 PM
Replies: 5
Views: 2,694
Posted By Jon Starr
Dry Heat of a Desert

I haven't been in a desert before. Here in MTL it can get hot (for Canada at least), but it's mostly a humid heat. The humidity can make it feel as high as 40-45 degrees celsius.

Can't seem to...
Forum: Research Section 05-26-2016, 08:20 PM
Replies: 2
Views: 1,698
Posted By Jon Starr
Dislocated Shoulder

Does anyone have experience with a dislocated shoulder, and how painful it is? How it feels?

After it get's put back in, most action heroes seem to just keep going. Yet it seems like in real...
Forum: Research Section 05-26-2016, 08:15 PM
Replies: 4
Views: 1,850
Posted By Jon Starr
Being Stabbed

So I've researched the mechanics of it, how it works, and how death from a stab wound is really about blood loss, etc...

However I can't seem to find anyone really describe what it 'feels' like....
Forum: Fiction 07-11-2015, 01:03 PM
Replies: 8
Views: 973
Posted By Jon Starr
Very nice piece. It hooked me from the beginning,...

Very nice piece. It hooked me from the beginning, and kept me wanting to read more.

It's well written, but a bit of it needs to be tightened up.



For me the dialogue is the weakest part of...
Forum: Fiction 01-14-2015, 07:01 PM
Replies: 2
Views: 856
Posted By Jon Starr
I agree, it's hard to read. Very nice...

I agree, it's hard to read.



Very nice opening line. A bit wordy perhaps. Needs to be more concise, but a good idea. It caught my attention right away and made me want to read it.



This...
Forum: Fiction 01-08-2015, 04:43 PM
Replies: 25
Views: 3,407
Posted By Jon Starr
Good points about description. I feel I tend to...

Good points about description. I feel I tend to just be very judgemental when it comes to other author's and how much description they use. I despise too much or too little description. For me it has...
Forum: Fiction 01-08-2015, 07:15 AM
Replies: 25
Views: 3,407
Posted By Jon Starr
I found it interesting. The mystery of what was...

I found it interesting. The mystery of what was in the briefcase kept me reading, and then the reveal makes me want to read more.

Good job. I especially like the description of how the DR could...
Forum: Fiction 08-21-2014, 05:50 PM
Replies: 11
Views: 993
Posted By Jon Starr
Thanks for the offer. Look for "the red" just a...

Thanks for the offer. Look for "the red" just a few posts down yours on this forum (at the moment).
Forum: Fiction 08-21-2014, 10:16 AM
Replies: 11
Views: 993
Posted By Jon Starr
We call them outlets or plugs. Maybe it's...

We call them outlets or plugs. Maybe it's actually a plug-in but slang has shortened it. Mind you I'm in montreal, and our english is highly influenced by ontario and nothern US. Don't know what the...
Forum: Fiction 08-20-2014, 08:07 PM
Replies: 11
Views: 993
Posted By Jon Starr
Don't know what a dormer is either. Guess its not...

Don't know what a dormer is either. Guess its not a common term here in Canada.

Ah I get the plug-in thing now. Thought it was a plug in light. Guess it is regional. Might be something to consider...
Forum: Fiction 08-20-2014, 07:22 PM
Replies: 11
Views: 993
Posted By Jon Starr
I would assume an 8 year-old would know what an...

I would assume an 8 year-old would know what an exterminator is.



The washer dryer thing is maybe a bit too complex. Leave out the 220 volt thing. Keep it simple, like saying there's no...
Forum: Fiction 08-20-2014, 02:38 PM
Replies: 8
Views: 813
Posted By Jon Starr
My writing will be in bold. Good stuff, but...

My writing will be in bold.

Good stuff, but to be honest, it was very thin. It just felt like a lot of filler. It was almost like you were trying to write a poem, and that you love words. However...
Forum: Fiction 08-20-2014, 01:15 PM
Replies: 4
Views: 693
Posted By Jon Starr
Jynx hit it spot on. You need to make us CARE....

Jynx hit it spot on. You need to make us CARE. Right now this is a moment, or rather, the last moment of a person's life. It's as if you just said, "here's someone dying, now care about it." The only...
Forum: Fiction 08-20-2014, 12:52 PM
Replies: 15
Views: 1,109
Posted By Jon Starr
Newest draft

Thanks Escriber!

Here's the newest draft, taking into a account everyone's opinions. Hope you have time to read the new draft.

ALSO, I'm unsure about the title. I want to change it, but not...
Forum: Fiction 08-08-2014, 09:40 AM
Replies: 15
Views: 1,109
Posted By Jon Starr
Thank you very mich Luna! I will try my best to...

Thank you very mich Luna! I will try my best to fix my suddenly issue! :)
Forum: Fiction 08-08-2014, 03:10 AM
Replies: 15
Views: 1,109
Posted By Jon Starr
Wow thanks! I appreciate the comprehensive...

Wow thanks! I appreciate the comprehensive overview. It'll really help with my next draft.
Forum: Fiction 08-06-2014, 06:07 AM
Replies: 15
Views: 1,109
Posted By Jon Starr
Absolutely. Pm me when you do.

Absolutely. Pm me when you do.
Forum: Fiction 08-05-2014, 10:39 PM
Replies: 15
Views: 1,109
Posted By Jon Starr
Thanks pbzen! All of this advice is helping...

Thanks pbzen!

All of this advice is helping a lot. It's helping me realize what is and isn't working. I'll be sure to get to fixing these issues.

I'll think about the title. Not sure about fine...
Forum: Fiction 08-05-2014, 07:59 PM
Replies: 15
Views: 1,109
Posted By Jon Starr
Thanks! I appreciate the kind words. ...

Thanks! I appreciate the kind words.



Yeah I've been struggling with this. Thanks for pointing it out. At times I worry I use he/she too often and confuse the reader, especially when there is...
Forum: Fiction 08-05-2014, 02:38 PM
Replies: 15
Views: 1,109
Posted By Jon Starr
The Red (short story, 2053 words) -NEW DRAFT-

EDIT: NEWEST DRAFT - SCROLL TO BOTTOM, POST #16, OR CLICK HERE (http://www.writersbeat.com/showpost.php?p=672539&postcount=16) FOR SINGLE POST VIEW

I haven't written in a while, but decided to get...
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