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Search: Posts Made By: Pat75
Forum: Fiction 06-30-2015, 03:42 AM
Replies: 4
Box
Views: 543
Posted By Pat75
Thanks for the feedback guys. I appreciate you...

Thanks for the feedback guys. I appreciate you taking the time to read the story.
Forum: Fiction 06-30-2015, 03:40 AM
Replies: 9
Views: 1,206
Posted By Pat75
Just reading my way through these now and am...

Just reading my way through these now and am enjoying it so far. Not much to critique that the others have not pointed out. I am looking forward to see how it unfolds. Cheers!!!
Forum: Fiction 06-30-2015, 03:38 AM
Replies: 8
Views: 1,049
Posted By Pat75
Not a huge syfy reader but thought the premise of...

Not a huge syfy reader but thought the premise of the story is really good. The only negative for me and I'm guilty of this myself, is I found the writing at times to be a little over descriptive....
Forum: Fiction 06-30-2015, 03:33 AM
Replies: 2
Views: 504
Posted By Pat75
Enjoyed that, thanks for the read!!

Enjoyed that, thanks for the read!!
Forum: Fiction 06-27-2015, 09:13 AM
Replies: 4
Box
Views: 543
Posted By Pat75
Box

Jimmy pushed the headphones tighter to his ears and turned up the music on his phone. Even at the highest volume he could still hear his stepfather Carl scream at his mom.

Rain began to splatter...
Forum: Fiction 05-06-2015, 07:11 AM
Replies: 0
Views: 548
Posted By Pat75
William

Hi, its been a while since I have posted anything here. Just looking for some feedback on this new short. Thanks.

The thin, dark cloud hung like a sickly veil over the crescent moon. Stifled light...
Forum: Fiction 09-24-2014, 11:50 AM
Replies: 3
Views: 534
Posted By Pat75
Thanks guys for taking the time to read and offer...

Thanks guys for taking the time to read and offer feedback. I appreciate it.
Forum: Fiction 09-23-2014, 11:30 AM
Replies: 3
Views: 534
Posted By Pat75
Last Day

John Lomas woke early on the day he was scheduled to die. The morning sunlight illuminates his small cell, streaming in through its only window. This had been home for the past thirteen years.

He...
Forum: Fiction 09-07-2014, 01:42 AM
Replies: 9
Views: 1,323
Posted By Pat75
Thanks guys I appreciate the feedback.

Thanks guys I appreciate the feedback.
Forum: Fiction 09-02-2014, 11:11 PM
Replies: 9
Views: 1,323
Posted By Pat75
Thanks Blaquknite, I appreciate you taking the...

Thanks Blaquknite, I appreciate you taking the time to read it and offer feedback. Glad you enjoyed it.
Forum: Fiction 08-27-2014, 07:06 AM
Replies: 9
Views: 1,323
Posted By Pat75
Thanks guys for your feedback and taking the time...

Thanks guys for your feedback and taking the time to read the story.

Max I agree with some of the points you make and have edited the piece. I agree that with the changes the story reads better,...
Forum: Fiction 08-26-2014, 09:29 AM
Replies: 9
Views: 1,323
Posted By Pat75
The Face of War

I am alone now. The years have slipped away like sand through my weathered fingers. Our small home once full of life, laughter and sadness, cocoons me like a tomb. Its walls filled with fading...
Forum: Fiction 06-14-2014, 10:59 AM
Replies: 2
Views: 503
Posted By Pat75
Thanks jimmymc for taking the time to read and...

Thanks jimmymc for taking the time to read and offer feedback on the story. I really appreciate it.
Forum: Fiction 06-10-2014, 11:07 AM
Replies: 2
Views: 503
Posted By Pat75
Sins (Part One)

This is something I have been working on recently and would be interested in your opinion/feedback. Thanks.

October 29th 1986

The shrill, electronic rhythm of the heart monitor pierced the...
Forum: Fiction 05-14-2014, 07:43 AM
Replies: 22
Views: 3,313
Posted By Pat75
Thanks for the feedback Beginner writer and...

Thanks for the feedback Beginner writer and mattbmaine, I appreciate it. Matt not sure I understand what you comment means sorry but would you care to expand on it for me, thanks.
Forum: Fiction 05-14-2014, 07:40 AM
Replies: 2
Views: 668
Posted By Pat75
This is very well written and structured,...

This is very well written and structured, although for me it was a small bit too long and slightly over descriptive in places. On saying that I found myself immersed in the story throughout and...
Forum: Fiction 05-14-2014, 07:37 AM
Replies: 2
Views: 358
Posted By Pat75
I really enjoyed both parts of this and would...

I really enjoyed both parts of this and would love to see more from you. You have an effortless and simple style to your writing which hooked me from the beginning paragraph. Nice job.
Forum: Fiction 05-12-2014, 12:59 AM
Replies: 6
Views: 633
Posted By Pat75
I agree with Ecsriber about making some edits to...

I agree with Ecsriber about making some edits to enhance the piece but definitely enjoyed reading what you have here.
Forum: Fiction 05-12-2014, 12:56 AM
Replies: 22
Views: 3,313
Posted By Pat75
Thanks for the feedback guys, I appreciate it.

Thanks for the feedback guys, I appreciate it.
Forum: Fiction 05-06-2014, 08:01 AM
Replies: 22
Views: 3,313
Posted By Pat75
Thanks for the feedback everyone, I appreciate...

Thanks for the feedback everyone, I appreciate you taking the time to read the piece. I intended it as a stand alone piece and feel it works best that way.
Forum: Fiction 04-15-2014, 10:49 AM
Replies: 14
Views: 2,303
Posted By Pat75
I quite liked this and believe you have talent...

I quite liked this and believe you have talent but also agree with the comments made above about being overly descriptive at times which is something I am also guilty of in my own work. I thought the...
Forum: Fiction 04-15-2014, 10:45 AM
Replies: 22
Views: 3,313
Posted By Pat75
Thanks for taking the time to read the story...

Thanks for taking the time to read the story Floyd, I appreciate it.
Forum: Fiction 04-15-2014, 10:44 AM
Replies: 9
Views: 872
Posted By Pat75
Agree with IanG about the problems with...

Agree with IanG about the problems with punctuation and also found that beginning most sentences with Judy... took away from the piece for me. I like the style with which you write and think that...
Forum: Fiction 04-09-2014, 01:04 AM
Replies: 22
Views: 3,313
Posted By Pat75
Thanks for the feedback everyone, as always very...

Thanks for the feedback everyone, as always very helpful.
Forum: Fiction 04-09-2014, 01:03 AM
Replies: 4
Views: 570
Posted By Pat75
Overall enjoyed the story and can tell from it...

Overall enjoyed the story and can tell from it that you are a talented writer. However, in parts and it is something I am guilty of in my own writing, you have a tendency to over describe when...
Showing results 1 to 25 of 144

 

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