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Forum: Fiction 10-26-2017, 03:43 PM
Replies: 8
Views: 387
Posted By spshane
A very good read and well-written

A very good read and well-written
Forum: Fiction 10-26-2017, 12:16 PM
Replies: 2
Views: 309
Posted By spshane
The Strained Love Song of the Sunflower Queen

The synaptical parrot with parsed polysyndeton,
cackling on while seed rattles against the cage.
His pointless diatribe drones on indefinitely,
without a point-of-view,
bereft of logic,...
Forum: Fiction 07-02-2017, 07:36 PM
Replies: 2
Views: 466
Posted By spshane
The Cave Ghost

Blame the oxygen. A few hundred feet down the carbon monoxide goes up and the oxygen down. Way down. To hallucinate is normal. Jaco has to expect as much, but when everyone has the same...
Forum: Fiction 05-02-2017, 03:21 PM
Replies: 6
Views: 695
Posted By spshane
The passive verb constructive stands out in this...

The passive verb constructive stands out in this be as well as the abundance of the verb "to be". You can make this piece more active and more engaging by taking a look at your verbs. Overuse of the...
Forum: Fiction 05-02-2017, 03:03 PM
Replies: 12
Views: 1,334
Posted By spshane
The writing is good. Maybe a bit much of it in...

The writing is good. Maybe a bit much of it in place. Could cut it down a bit. The only thing I struggled with was the deal with Gary and Mitch. I'm reading this and I'm thinking, "wait, are they a...
Forum: Fiction 05-01-2017, 10:27 AM
Replies: 5
Views: 540
Posted By spshane
I think simple slugs rather than *** will help to...

I think simple slugs rather than *** will help to keep track of time and place. ---The desert near Preston, AZ; Friday 10:53 PM. etc.

I'll tighten the caricatures too, but stay at surface-level...
Forum: Fiction 04-30-2017, 09:12 PM
Replies: 5
Views: 540
Posted By spshane
Grace, Thank you for taking the time to go...

Grace,

Thank you for taking the time to go through this and for sharing your feedback.

Write drunk, edit sober goes the old adage.

I wanted to created a series of seemingly-random...
Forum: Fiction 04-29-2017, 03:46 PM
Replies: 4
Views: 544
Posted By spshane
I feel like I'm being told a story rather than...

I feel like I'm being told a story rather than having the story play out for me as I read it (show don't tell). I would suggest get rid of the passive verbs (began to, etc.)
Forum: The Intellectual Table 04-27-2017, 10:28 AM
Replies: 107
Views: 5,755
Posted By spshane
Is WritersBeat on the Way Out?

I don't see much activity on Writer's Beat recently. Is it on the way out? What's going on?
Forum: Fiction 04-25-2017, 09:45 PM
Replies: 5
Views: 540
Posted By spshane
The Phaseout

The desert at night. A shred of ribbon flaps from the end of a garden-stake. Nothing grows near it.
********

The forest in amber evening light. A centipede noshes on a dead mouse. Clumps off...
Forum: Fiction 04-23-2017, 02:45 PM
Replies: 4
Views: 542
Posted By spshane
and[ Ghandi

and[ Ghandi
Forum: Fiction 04-21-2017, 02:48 PM
Replies: 4
Views: 542
Posted By spshane
The Ghost of the Endless Caves

Started this piece over a year ago. Changed some things. Finished.
*****************************************************************
Tigo let go of his pecker. Rolled his eyes. "Mamua have you ever...
Forum: Poetry 04-08-2017, 05:04 PM
Replies: 4
Views: 480
Posted By spshane
How To Become A Breakout Kindle Novelist

If you want to become a breakout Kindle novelist,
turn off the television,
go for a walk,
find a leprechaun,
and suck his dick.

At first, it seems rather pointless,
like sucking on...
Forum: Fiction 03-31-2017, 11:26 AM
Replies: 4
Views: 551
Posted By spshane
What Should I Title This?

Lindsey snuggled beneath her covers as her mother's footsteps faded to silence. The yellow light beneath her bedroom door went away and she turned to gaze at the glimmering snow globe atop her...
Forum: Introductions 03-27-2017, 07:39 PM
Replies: 9
Views: 958
Posted By spshane
If ya wanna be famous, you need to think about it...

If ya wanna be famous, you need to think about it differently. Who was Jonas Salk? Alexander Fleming? Philo Farnsworth? Maybe you know, but does the average 6th grader? Probably not. On the other...
Forum: Fiction 03-25-2017, 05:15 PM
Replies: 4
Views: 521
Posted By spshane
Thank you. Most of my stuff is wacky absurdist...

Thank you. Most of my stuff is wacky absurdist pieces like this. Stuff you can't really take too seriously. Like Sharknado. An operations manager explaining to a consultant what they do in their...
Forum: Fiction 03-24-2017, 09:29 AM
Replies: 14
Views: 999
Posted By spshane
Like the hell out of this piece. My mind wonders...

Like the hell out of this piece. My mind wonders about the use of the word "stereotypical". At first glance, it seemed like there were better word choices in each case, but then several sterotypes...
Forum: Fiction 03-24-2017, 08:49 AM
Replies: 4
Views: 521
Posted By spshane
The Sensual Program: or Safe-Sex with Androids

Ever try to get an android to shit in your mouth? They've programmed out the squatting and crouching functions well enough. Even mastered the vocal sequences--the groans, the moans, the dirty talk....
Forum: Fiction 02-18-2017, 07:26 PM
Replies: 2
Views: 818
Posted By spshane
As you might gather, I'm not the greatest with...

As you might gather, I'm not the greatest with technology. I don't know how in the world I double-posted. Should be basically the same thing.
Forum: Fiction 02-18-2017, 08:51 AM
Replies: 3
Views: 908
Posted By spshane
Bear-man and the Ninja Incident

Andrew noticed nothing out of the ordinary about the sledge hammer or the rugged construction worker who carried it. A wooden handle and what appeared to be steel head. Nothing sinister. Not even a...
Forum: Fiction 02-18-2017, 07:44 AM
Replies: 2
Views: 818
Posted By spshane
Bear-man and the Ninja Incident

Andrew noticed nothing out of the ordinary about the sledge hammer or the rugged construction worker who carried it. A wooden handle and what appeared to be steel head. Nothing sinister. Not even...
Forum: Fiction 02-11-2017, 07:19 PM
Replies: 15
Views: 1,393
Posted By spshane
No, but I'll have to check it out. Goats don't...

No, but I'll have to check it out. Goats don't get anywhere near enough respect.
Forum: Fiction 02-11-2017, 01:29 PM
Replies: 5
Views: 1,440
Posted By spshane
It's hard to pick up any novel and begin reading...

It's hard to pick up any novel and begin reading on Chapter 22. I'm not the fairest critic of novels, because I'm one of those cynical assholes who think they're dead. For the most part, modern...
Forum: Fiction 02-11-2017, 09:25 AM
Replies: 15
Views: 1,393
Posted By spshane
Children of the Goat-King (short story)

Started writing this as a script; it sucked horribly. It was suggested that I try it as a short story; here it is.

---Start---
As near as he remembered, Caleb Cordoba noticed nothing out of the...
Forum: Fiction 02-09-2017, 07:54 PM
Replies: 8
Views: 1,079
Posted By spshane
Character is in middle school. Well, high school...

Character is in middle school. Well, high school freshman.
Showing results 1 to 25 of 115

 

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