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Search: Posts Made By: TheRedSharpie
Forum: Fiction 06-11-2016, 09:13 AM
Replies: 5
Views: 985
Posted By TheRedSharpie
I don't really understand this. What's a dog...

I don't really understand this. What's a dog eating your foot got to do with Han Solo?
Forum: Fiction 06-11-2016, 09:10 AM
Replies: 2
Views: 904
Posted By TheRedSharpie
This is interesting work. It's got a lot of...

This is interesting work. It's got a lot of potential.



It gets better as it goes on, but this first paragraph especially doesn't read very clearly for me. I instantly find myself...
Forum: Fiction 06-11-2016, 09:06 AM
Replies: 18
Views: 2,068
Posted By TheRedSharpie
This is brilliant, you've got some serious talent...

This is brilliant, you've got some serious talent as a writer. Only one thing I picked up on:



The fact you've called the protagonist Maggie and another key character Molly. I don't...
Forum: Fiction 06-11-2016, 08:48 AM
Replies: 0
Views: 424
Posted By TheRedSharpie
Icon5 One Paragraph Wonder (not)

It all started the year of 2027.

It was so dark, I felt almost physically imprisoned, despite the frosty autumn wind biting at my face hardly letting me forget I was outside. The night was...
Forum: Fiction 06-10-2016, 11:47 AM
Replies: 10
Views: 1,356
Posted By TheRedSharpie
This is good work. I like your writing style -...

This is good work. I like your writing style - you're clearly a natural writer.

Just a couple of things:



I didn't feel like this sentence flowed that smoothly, I stumbled a little...
Forum: Introductions 06-10-2016, 09:22 AM
Replies: 8
Views: 1,129
Posted By TheRedSharpie
welcome to the forum :)

welcome to the forum :)
Forum: Fiction 06-08-2016, 09:45 PM
Replies: 2
Views: 575
Posted By TheRedSharpie
Sorry, all the fonts have gone crazy here....

Sorry, all the fonts have gone crazy here. Basically, anything below my introduction at the start is part of the letter.
Forum: Fiction 06-08-2016, 09:44 PM
Replies: 2
Views: 575
Posted By TheRedSharpie
Icon6 Moving On

Help! I obviously need to do some Show Don't Tell work on this, but how??? How do you show a letter, as the whole point is that you're telling somebody else?

Dear Mum,

Itís Gerry here. Iím...
Forum: Fiction 06-07-2016, 10:25 AM
Replies: 6
Views: 774
Posted By TheRedSharpie
Icon7 The Flight

But letís start at the beginning.
ďCaptain speaking. Inbound flight from Frankfurt to Bristol is scheduled to arrive on time,Ē the intercom buzzed through the cabin of the aeroplane, ďOver ninety...
Forum: Prompts & Challenges 06-07-2016, 10:23 AM
Replies: 8
Views: 11,587
Posted By TheRedSharpie
The Flyaway convertible turns itself into a moon...

The Flyaway convertible turns itself into a moon rocket.
Forum: Fiction 06-04-2016, 11:43 AM
Replies: 4
Views: 873
Posted By TheRedSharpie
First Chapter

I'd lost count of the times I'd stared death in the face. fortunately, it didn't seem to like the look of me.
At least, that was before I met Luke Runner.

For starters, there was no chance I...
Forum: Fiction 06-04-2016, 04:14 AM
Replies: 5
Views: 867
Posted By TheRedSharpie
Thanks for taking a look. Please could...

Thanks for taking a look.

Please could you be a bit clearer on what you mean so I can work on your feedback?
Forum: Fiction 06-03-2016, 01:02 PM
Replies: 5
Views: 867
Posted By TheRedSharpie
Icon10 Magical Instead Of Artificial

A little extract from my futuristic romance http://www.writingforums.com/images/smilies/icon_smile.gif

That evening, thereís a quiz on at the holiday village pub, and maybe we go because we want...
Forum: Fiction 06-01-2016, 09:08 AM
Replies: 4
Views: 754
Posted By TheRedSharpie
My cover letter - feedback needed!!!

One girl. Two boys. Itís never a good combination.



In a modern-day world, teenager Tally Matthews does not believe in demons. Nor does she believe in running away, kisses in the moonlight...
Forum: The Notice Board 06-01-2016, 09:07 AM
Replies: 97
Views: 37,639
Posted By TheRedSharpie
Parvezmahmood is right.

Parvezmahmood is right.
Forum: Lyrics 05-28-2016, 04:49 AM
Replies: 4
Views: 505
Posted By TheRedSharpie
This is cool, I like it.

This is cool, I like it.
Forum: Fiction 05-27-2016, 10:49 AM
Replies: 6
Views: 1,355
Posted By TheRedSharpie
This is great. just a couple of things: ...

This is great. just a couple of things:



this could probably be a bit more dramatic. Use the imagery of the scene to portray a stronger picture with this action.

and:
Forum: Fiction 05-26-2016, 10:36 AM
Replies: 8
Views: 1,934
Posted By TheRedSharpie
You've got some good ideas. I wouldn't say it...

You've got some good ideas. I wouldn't say it jumps around too much, but the narrative isn't as good as your usual - think show don't tell. It's all facts and not much story. Still, though, there's...
Forum: Fiction 05-04-2016, 11:38 AM
Replies: 5
Views: 1,187
Posted By TheRedSharpie
Icon7 Yes or No?

ďItís hard to leave, until you leave. Then itís the easiest goddamned thing in the world.Ē
Paper Towns, John Green

The beginning is usually the same however you look at it.

Beginnings...
Forum: Fiction 05-04-2016, 10:59 AM
Replies: 1
Views: 610
Posted By TheRedSharpie
Icon10 The Library Van: Chapter 1 - page reworked!

Many thanks to those who told me what to do about the spacing of this. :)

Camilla honestly thought that the bright, flashing strobe lights of the party were, in fact, a little overrated.
...
Forum: Fiction 05-03-2016, 11:19 AM
Replies: 7
Views: 1,403
Posted By TheRedSharpie
Wow, this is an incredible piece of writing,...

Wow, this is an incredible piece of writing, really powerful. Awesome.

And by the way, The Big Bang Theory is my life.
Forum: Writer's Beat Technical Support 05-03-2016, 10:55 AM
Replies: 1
Views: 2,735
Posted By TheRedSharpie
Icon4 Font size

I'm copying and pasting most of my work from a Word document, Calibri, size 12. But when I post it, the font is tiny and barely readable. Please help!
Forum: Fiction 05-03-2016, 10:42 AM
Replies: 1
Views: 693
Posted By TheRedSharpie
Icon7 YA novel prologue

Luke Runner sat quietly, and he watched.
His strange dark eyes, full of storm clouds, regarded the scene in front of him with a mixture of curiosity and faint amusement. That was what Luke did,...
Forum: Fiction 05-03-2016, 10:40 AM
Replies: 5
Views: 1,198
Posted By TheRedSharpie
Icon7 The Library Van: Chapter 1

First chapter of my new lit. fiction book :) please let me know what you think!!!

Camilla honestly thought that the bright, flashing strobe lights of the party were, in fact, a little...
Forum: Fiction 05-02-2016, 06:21 AM
Replies: 1
Views: 512
Posted By TheRedSharpie
'Breakers' Prologue

This is the prologue of my futuristic romance for young adults. :D

Luke Runner sat quietly, and he watched.
His strange dark eyes, full of storm clouds, regarded the scene in front of him...
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