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Forum: Fiction 05-16-2011, 07:09 AM
Replies: 14
Views: 1,530
Posted By Myfriendscallme
My advice is simple, listen to these guys ^^^^^ ...

My advice is simple, listen to these guys ^^^^^

All the big points have been mentioned so rather than repeat them Il just re-inforce your need to listen to them!

Good luck
Forum: Fiction 05-15-2011, 12:06 PM
Replies: 1
Views: 663
Posted By Myfriendscallme
Race to the bottom 3/3 300words

I have added part one and two in spoilers.


-The Crow's Nest-

As I made my way to the staging area, I couldn't help questioning the days date in disbelief. For it was nearly winter, yet...
Forum: Fiction 05-15-2011, 07:16 AM
Replies: 9
Views: 1,036
Posted By Myfriendscallme
Hey WT, Spot on again bud. The time change...

Hey WT,

Spot on again bud. The time change is vital to accelerate the progress to the next point of action.

Yeah Hal, will be next. I have only started but I hope to post up a rough copy...
Forum: Fiction 05-14-2011, 05:42 PM
Replies: 3
Views: 822
Posted By Myfriendscallme
I'd have a few interesting questions for him if...

I'd have a few interesting questions for him if you wanted to put him up in a character clinic?

I'll be sure to read part one tommorrow and leave my thoughts.
Forum: Fiction 05-14-2011, 05:36 PM
Replies: 9
Views: 1,036
Posted By Myfriendscallme
Haha, I would blame my writing Coco long before...

Haha, I would blame my writing Coco long before suggesting such a thing.

In the first part, the idea was to introduce the setting and the conditions (the heat is crucial)

Part two's job was...
Forum: Free Writing 05-14-2011, 03:50 PM
Replies: 9
Views: 1,680
Posted By Myfriendscallme
Very thought-provoking. This...

Very thought-provoking.



This sentence is so good that you could have posted it on its own and it would have told the story.

Saying that, the rest of the piece complimented it.

Good...
Forum: Fiction 05-14-2011, 03:44 PM
Replies: 3
Views: 822
Posted By Myfriendscallme
Hey Coco, The first thing that stands out...

Hey Coco,

The first thing that stands out is your dialogue. It comes across as very natural and that for me is just about the hardest part of writing.

I did notice a few odd lines where you...
Forum: Fiction 05-14-2011, 02:59 PM
Replies: 9
Views: 1,036
Posted By Myfriendscallme
Hey WT, Thanks once again for the read....

Hey WT,

Thanks once again for the read. Thats one hell of a cocktail you've described lol I hope it's starting to make a bit more sense lol Battle Royale is a great film, I love alot of that...
Forum: Fiction 05-13-2011, 03:52 PM
Replies: 9
Views: 1,036
Posted By Myfriendscallme
Race to the Bottom 2/3 300words

I have added part one in spoilers. Thanks again for all your great help.


-The Crow's Nest-

As I made my way to the staging area, I couldn't help questioning the days date in disbelief. For...
Forum: Non-Fiction 05-13-2011, 11:37 AM
Replies: 2
Views: 1,199
Posted By Myfriendscallme
I think you did your job telling the story with...

I think you did your job telling the story with the 'whats next' feel to it.



My sides were splitting thinking about this. Being irish most of our funerals are mixed affairs. One minute...
Forum: Free Writing 05-13-2011, 10:01 AM
Replies: 6
Views: 1,153
Posted By Myfriendscallme
Hey man, If you want to stop smoking pick...

Hey man,

If you want to stop smoking pick the moment when you're strongest. (like el d said) Perhaps after a heavy night of drinking and smoking.

I would have to disagree about the first 72...
Forum: Fiction 05-13-2011, 09:25 AM
Replies: 2
Views: 598
Posted By Myfriendscallme
Hey WT, I'm glad you have picked up on the...

Hey WT,

I'm glad you have picked up on the heat because it is central to my narrators mood.

The title is a very, very subtle hint in what direction i am going..I will develop it much further...
Forum: Fiction 05-13-2011, 08:41 AM
Replies: 17
Views: 1,300
Posted By Myfriendscallme
In its current structure its perhaps better...

In its current structure its perhaps better suited to prose IMO. Or perhaps a scripted monologue for stage.



The structure/presentation of this particular excerpt seems out of place in a...
Forum: Fiction 05-13-2011, 07:50 AM
Replies: 2
Views: 598
Posted By Myfriendscallme
Race to the Bottom - 1/3 250words

-The Crow's Nest-

As I made my way to the staging area, I couldn't help questioning the days date in disbelief. For it was nearly winter, yet this unforgiving climate was showing no signs of...
Forum: Fiction 05-13-2011, 04:46 AM
Replies: 17
Views: 1,300
Posted By Myfriendscallme
Happy valentines!!

Happy valentines!!
Forum: Fiction 05-13-2011, 04:31 AM
Replies: 13
Views: 1,740
Posted By Myfriendscallme
Hey bud, nice idea and well presented given the...

Hey bud, nice idea and well presented given the time frame.

As already pointed out, some of your sentences could be re-worded but you achieved the aim of the task,to unearth a plot.

As far as...
Forum: Fiction 05-12-2011, 05:29 PM
Replies: 6
Views: 1,043
Posted By Myfriendscallme
Hey bud, Yes, very interesting idea. In...

Hey bud,

Yes, very interesting idea. In this type of fiction it is very unusual to find a super-pyshic doing something as mundane (and human) as paying a speeding fine, but it works.

I think...
Forum: Fiction 05-12-2011, 04:50 AM
Replies: 3
Views: 835
Posted By Myfriendscallme
Hey Haruse, I agree completley. In its...

Hey Haruse,

I agree completley. In its final draft, the letter(email) will be alot less informal and will have a disclaimer in the footer like you would expect in business/govt emails.

In its...
Forum: Writing Help & Issues 05-11-2011, 04:22 PM
Replies: 11
Views: 965
Posted By Myfriendscallme
Oh, sounds good. I will be sure to keep an eye...

Oh, sounds good. I will be sure to keep an eye out for it.
Forum: Free Writing 05-11-2011, 02:58 PM
Replies: 3
Views: 889
Posted By Myfriendscallme
Ah, the coin drops! A nice piece, would...

Ah, the coin drops!

A nice piece, would have been that wee bit funier in my eyes if you had hidden the characters for a wee bit. none the less, very enjoyable.

Kate, unsure of what fork to...
Forum: Free Writing 05-11-2011, 02:51 PM
Replies: 2
Views: 760
Posted By Myfriendscallme
screw the acronym..i am laughing out loud! ...

screw the acronym..i am laughing out loud!

This has a great charm to it. I can hear all the characters in my head which speaks volumes for your piece (no pun intended of course!)

. I hope you...
Forum: Free Writing 05-11-2011, 02:32 PM
Replies: 3
Views: 857
Posted By Myfriendscallme
Ah, such defiance. I like the plot and love...

Ah, such defiance.

I like the plot and love how you close.

Perhaps you could describe the Angel in a bit more detail. My only other suggestion would be to 'jazz up' the dialogue in places.
...
Forum: Writing Help & Issues 05-11-2011, 02:12 PM
Replies: 11
Views: 965
Posted By Myfriendscallme
Yeah it is alot of fun but can be very...

Yeah it is alot of fun but can be very fustrating. I'm not the biggest lover of fantasy in the first place so everything has to have a basis in fact for me. Or at the very least be a published...
Forum: Fiction 05-11-2011, 01:05 PM
Replies: 3
Views: 835
Posted By Myfriendscallme
Author's Notes; * the infected are reffered...

Author's Notes;

* the infected are reffered to as vectors/hosts and are the carriers of the virus
* symbiont is the profiting organism/virus within a host
* epinephrine is the hormone which...
Forum: Fiction 05-11-2011, 12:55 PM
Replies: 3
Views: 835
Posted By Myfriendscallme
RE: Observations in quarantine

23/06/2013


Centre for Disease Control and Prevention
1600 Clifton Road
Atlanta,
GA30333


Dear Jacob,
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