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Search: Posts Made By: chippedmonk
Forum: Poetry Yesterday, 04:06 AM
Replies: 1
Views: 50
Posted By chippedmonk
adieu

an attempt at poetry. comments, please.

adieu

when things fall quiet,
behind those beechwood doors,
not even footfalls
of listless lovers,
from autumns forgotten,
fall timid
Forum: Fiction 05-08-2018, 10:48 PM
Replies: 10
Views: 297
Posted By chippedmonk
i like the piece, the clipped sentences, the mood...

i like the piece, the clipped sentences, the mood you've set overall.
the only thing i really noticed was in para 4.
maybe you could get rid of 'he wanted to go back to sleep.' i guess when you're...
Forum: Fiction 05-06-2018, 04:58 AM
Replies: 5
Views: 646
Posted By chippedmonk
oh man, i really hope your words are sincere...

oh man, i really hope your words are sincere lingard. made my day.
it's not part of a longer piece though. i've got a few more shorts, not quite like this, i'll put them up at some point. :D
Forum: Fiction 04-24-2018, 12:15 AM
Replies: 5
Views: 646
Posted By chippedmonk
yes, i was taking some liberties ian, though what...

yes, i was taking some liberties ian, though what you suggest re: breaking sentence, is excellent. thanks for the read/comment.
Forum: Fiction 04-07-2018, 02:41 AM
Replies: 17
Views: 1,741
Posted By chippedmonk
ah nick. i think you nailed it re: pain and being...

ah nick. i think you nailed it re: pain and being brave. long time reader. i've always liked your pieces.
Forum: Poetry 04-07-2018, 02:21 AM
Replies: 7
Views: 532
Posted By chippedmonk
it's weird man, i've at best the foggiest of...

it's weird man, i've at best the foggiest of notions of what you're trying to say, but i find myself transfixed by your language.
Forum: Fiction 04-05-2018, 11:16 PM
Replies: 5
Views: 646
Posted By chippedmonk
future self portrait

This morning with sunbaked torso, Ahmed, in blue swimshorts on matching blue and white striped sunbed, breathing leafy island air, listening, whisper of palm fronds, clicks of geckos, eyes...
Forum: Fiction 02-20-2018, 10:16 PM
Replies: 7
Views: 739
Posted By chippedmonk
Father's Eyes

Jamal sits by the window with a mug of tea, watching the pigeons coming to roost on a silver wire stretched between his building and the neighbours’. There are thirteen; the wire sags under their...
Forum: Fiction 01-29-2018, 06:28 AM
Replies: 2
Views: 512
Posted By chippedmonk
A Death

“Well?” said Abu. “Is he…?”

“Yes sir,” said the attendant. “He’s with the Lord now.”

Abu looked at the corpse. The eyes were closed, a hint of a smile on the mouth, the nose hawkish, asserting...
Forum: Fiction 11-06-2017, 08:51 AM
Replies: 1
Views: 414
Posted By chippedmonk
Amir or the insectthatdidn'tgivewatertoitsmother, flash fiction

hi all, here's a flash fiction piece i'm thinking of submitting to a magazine so please critique.

----
Ah, how lovely it will be if it rains today. The soil is parched, the trees are ravenous and...
Forum: The Intellectual Table 10-24-2017, 06:16 AM
Replies: 25
Views: 1,538
Posted By chippedmonk
ah, picklebottom. i cannot agree more, our agency...

ah, picklebottom. i cannot agree more, our agency shouldn't be constrained by others.
although i sometimes think we're nothing more than leaves trapped in the current of history or some other...
Forum: The Intellectual Table 10-23-2017, 06:40 AM
Replies: 25
Views: 1,538
Posted By chippedmonk
hi picklebottom, you're right, i should've...

hi picklebottom,

you're right, i should've read more carefully. and no, my days haven't been too bizarre although i've had some strange dreams the past couple of nights. things are mostly normal,...
Forum: The Intellectual Table 10-22-2017, 10:58 PM
Replies: 25
Views: 1,538
Posted By chippedmonk
hi picklebottom. it IS interesting. i used...

hi picklebottom.

it IS interesting. i used to draw a distinction between determinism and fatalism. in the former, your actions have consequences, in the latter, regardless of your actions, you...
Forum: The Intellectual Table 10-21-2017, 06:58 AM
Replies: 25
Views: 1,538
Posted By chippedmonk
hi picklebottom. i think prophecy and fatalism...

hi picklebottom. i think prophecy and fatalism are similar in that once the initial conditions have been set the rest unfolds according to what's been prophecised or decided. whatever you do, you end...
Forum: Fiction 10-19-2017, 07:06 AM
Replies: 5
Views: 562
Posted By chippedmonk
Daylight

Daylight. Birdcalls. Sunlight soaking the bed, near my arm where his body once lay, on this mauve sheet he picked up at a mall in KL. Thread-count: 1000. He was always sensitive, more so than I to...
Forum: Fiction 08-09-2017, 11:16 PM
Replies: 2
Views: 493
Posted By chippedmonk
Angst Eats the Soul (flash fiction)

In the white room there’s nothing on which to fix my gaze, just white, an absence of colour, the colour of absence, perhaps, like a scar on the iris, only there is no iris, there is no eye. This is a...
Forum: Fiction 11-06-2016, 07:03 AM
Replies: 0
Views: 657
Posted By chippedmonk
Hair, Today

I decided to get a haircut today. My friend asked me how I wanted my hair and I said ‘kind of messy’ and googled messy haircuts for men. It offered a search result that I liked. I googled how to...
Forum: Fiction 09-02-2016, 01:50 AM
Replies: 7
Views: 1,290
Posted By chippedmonk
hilarious, picklebottom. it's a fucking good...

hilarious, picklebottom. it's a fucking good start, you've got my interest.
Forum: Fiction 08-24-2016, 01:12 AM
Replies: 5
Views: 1,279
Posted By chippedmonk
this is a truly commendable effort, ranks above...

this is a truly commendable effort, ranks above the best i've read here in recent times. apart from some typos i have noticed no other faults. i really enjoyed your dialogue and symbolism. engaging...
Forum: Fiction 08-02-2016, 05:31 AM
Replies: 4
Views: 950
Posted By chippedmonk
interesting, perhaps you can flesh out the reason...

interesting, perhaps you can flesh out the reason for the narrator's acute depersonalisation. many of the questions you raise about holden apply to the narrator of this piece. it'll be nice to see...
Forum: Fiction 08-02-2016, 05:25 AM
Replies: 3
Views: 811
Posted By chippedmonk
i think this has some potential as a comic-horror...

i think this has some potential as a comic-horror rap lyric.
Forum: Fiction 08-02-2016, 05:21 AM
Replies: 3
Views: 758
Posted By chippedmonk
thanks max. sorry to have mislead you. it's a...

thanks max. sorry to have mislead you. it's a rather uninspired title.
Forum: Fiction 07-31-2016, 03:02 AM
Replies: 3
Views: 758
Posted By chippedmonk
The Baby

It’s there, softly asleep in the crib we bought eight months ago, moonlight pooling gently on it. But it’s not him. I know it, I’ve known it for a while now. I don’t know how to tell you this yet,...
Forum: Poetry 07-13-2016, 05:51 AM
Replies: 4
Views: 507
Posted By chippedmonk
Self-Portrait

Who do you think you are?
A young Camus?
Sitting at your desk,
cigarette 'tween your lips,
writing your shit
for a bogus paper,
that doesn't even come out in print.
Forum: Fiction 07-11-2016, 11:25 PM
Replies: 6
Views: 496
Posted By chippedmonk
hey max, nick got it right. kids here mix hash...

hey max, nick got it right. kids here mix hash oil with tobacco, which is extracted from cigarettes. a common scene at a smoker's place would be a pile of tobacco, small cellophane packets and mauled...
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