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Search: Posts Made By: spshane
Forum: Fiction Today, 07:24 AM
Replies: 7
Views: 127
Posted By spshane
I'll give that some consideration. My mistake...

I'll give that some consideration. My mistake may have been going with Central Africa, as I wasn't aiming to catalog the biodiversity of any real place. I was looking for a place more commonly...
Forum: Fiction Yesterday, 07:34 PM
Replies: 7
Views: 127
Posted By spshane
Anna is of Hispanic heritage and abuelita is...

Anna is of Hispanic heritage and abuelita is Spanish for grandmother or 'little grandmother'. Notice the first usage is 'your abuelita'.
Forum: Poetry Yesterday, 04:11 PM
Replies: 1
Views: 57
Posted By spshane
The Ball & the Kite-String Children

Cozy in his sunny spot,
the droopy-eyed dog
closes his eyes and yawns,
ignoring the rubber ball
that prances across the floor
and crawls slowly past his repose;
it teeters, bobbing side to...
Forum: Fiction Yesterday, 10:35 AM
Replies: 7
Views: 127
Posted By spshane
Suppose I could have gone with Antelope King, Ram...

Suppose I could have gone with Antelope King, Ram King... Big crazy guy with horns on his head. Thank you for elucidating my ignorance.
Forum: Fiction 02-18-2018, 10:51 PM
Replies: 6
Views: 161
Posted By spshane
Never said your story sucks. Just suggested some...

Never said your story sucks. Just suggested some subtext to build tension. If you want to read something that sucks, look at Ninja & the Bear-Man, or most of the shit I write. We're not all trying...
Forum: Fiction 02-18-2018, 12:50 PM
Replies: 6
Views: 161
Posted By spshane
The writing is fine. Could use a little...

The writing is fine. Could use a little tightening, activate "was towering," etc. It seems to lack subtext. Hint at what's really going on between them. There has to be more than a kiss at stake.
Forum: Fiction 02-18-2018, 12:41 PM
Replies: 11
Views: 221
Posted By spshane
I think this piece is positively brilliant. I...

I think this piece is positively brilliant. I can't overstate how much I like it. It's one of those quick pieces with many many layers. It's kind of like watching a movie in your head. I don't think...
Forum: Fiction 02-18-2018, 12:35 PM
Replies: 4
Views: 95
Posted By spshane
Well, done. I like the voice in this and the...

Well, done. I like the voice in this and the overall sense of irony.
Forum: Fiction 02-17-2018, 09:46 PM
Replies: 7
Views: 127
Posted By spshane
Anna & the Elk King

ANNA & THE ANTELOPE KING


The Music Box

Anna Carrizozo shoved strands of black silk hair from her eyes, balanced a fruit box on her hip, and finished her climb to the fifth floor.

“Oh,...
Forum: Fiction 02-17-2018, 10:05 AM
Replies: 26
Views: 408
Posted By spshane
Punk Brewster saw itself through four seasons in...

Punk Brewster saw itself through four seasons in the 1980s and stayed on the air from 1984 to 1988. I could never make it all the way through an episode, but some people loved it (or it wouldn't be...
Forum: Fiction 02-17-2018, 07:56 AM
Replies: 26
Views: 408
Posted By spshane
The writing is good. The school-like setting, if...

The writing is good. The school-like setting, if that's what this is, checks me out a little. Wasn't school a miserable experience for everyone? Who'd want to go go back there?
Forum: Members' Feedback 02-17-2018, 07:43 AM
Replies: 55
Views: 949
Posted By spshane
The sickness of the Western world is a tendency...

The sickness of the Western world is a tendency to civilize mental noise by calling it 'thought'. The mind itself is mad and we choose to further our sickness by identifying with our thoughts. The...
Forum: Fiction 02-13-2018, 02:29 PM
Replies: 4
Views: 149
Posted By spshane
The writing in this piece is excellent. The...

The writing in this piece is excellent. The Valentine's Day scenario doesn't do much for me, but that's probably my own assholeishness.
Forum: Members' Feedback 02-13-2018, 11:48 AM
Replies: 55
Views: 949
Posted By spshane
Happy Accidents.... When you think about it,...

Happy Accidents.... When you think about it, weren't most of history's "inventions" actually fuck-ups that were supposed to be something completely different? Cornflakes were invented by accident,...
Forum: Members' Feedback 02-12-2018, 05:38 PM
Replies: 55
Views: 949
Posted By spshane
I accomplish more when I aim for utter stupidity....

I accomplish more when I aim for utter stupidity. When I fuck that up --and I usually do-- I'm left with something that's accidentally smart. Sometimes I land smack dab in the middle of stupidity and...
Forum: Fiction 02-12-2018, 08:23 AM
Replies: 9
Views: 186
Posted By spshane
I like the story and I agree with Brian about the...

I like the story and I agree with Brian about the using a more active voice and cutting back on the verb 'to be'. I felt a fair amount of 'telling' in this piece.
Forum: Fiction 02-11-2018, 08:16 AM
Replies: 8
Views: 223
Posted By spshane
Thank you. My gut told me something was off with...

Thank you. My gut told me something was off with the taboo setup. I like your suggestion of famine, because I can use it to pit necessity against taboo . I think if I take the fact that it's been a...
Forum: Fiction 02-10-2018, 01:05 PM
Replies: 8
Views: 223
Posted By spshane
Yeah... sometimes you have to take a little break...

Yeah... sometimes you have to take a little break from the Hennessey, so your liver's not one giant scab by the time you're 70. You start sipping the Merlot instead. That's what happens when you...
Forum: Fiction 02-10-2018, 10:34 AM
Replies: 8
Views: 223
Posted By spshane
Serpent Song

SERPENT SONG

When the drums started, Father steadied himself with his rake, wobbled, and nearly fell. My hands reached to catch him, but if his knees let go, I doubt I could have held him...
Forum: Fiction 01-31-2018, 01:24 PM
Replies: 6
Views: 583
Posted By spshane
Good post. Enjoyed. Nothing further to add. TY

Good post. Enjoyed. Nothing further to add. TY
Forum: Fiction 01-31-2018, 01:20 PM
Replies: 36
Views: 606
Posted By spshane
I don't comment on many stories, because most of...

I don't comment on many stories, because most of my comments are met with generalized butt hole soreness and continued blathering about "well, what I meant was blah, blah, blah..." More than that, so...
Forum: Fiction 01-29-2018, 08:25 AM
Replies: 2
Views: 157
Posted By spshane
Two Opera Singers & a Rusty Gong (272 words)

Ms. Lynn hated beets. Though their rich flavor lingered on her palate, she shat red for a week afterwards and struggled to shake the fear that she had cancer. Once she even saw the doctor, who...
Forum: Fiction 10-26-2017, 03:43 PM
Replies: 8
Views: 489
Posted By spshane
A very good read and well-written

A very good read and well-written
Forum: Fiction 10-26-2017, 12:16 PM
Replies: 3
Views: 575
Posted By spshane
The Strained Love Song of the Sunflower Queen

The synaptical parrot with parsed polysyndeton,
cackling on while seed rattles against the cage.
His pointless diatribe drones on indefinitely,
without a point-of-view,
bereft of logic,...
Forum: Fiction 07-02-2017, 07:36 PM
Replies: 2
Views: 523
Posted By spshane
The Cave Ghost

Blame the oxygen. A few hundred feet down the carbon monoxide goes up and the oxygen down. Way down. To hallucinate is normal. Jaco has to expect as much, but when everyone has the same...
Showing results 1 to 25 of 137

 

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