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Forum: Fiction 07-23-2010, 05:48 AM
Replies: 22
Views: 1,334
Posted By cmhine
Cheers Drech for that critique. I think in my hea...

Cheers Drech for that critique. I think in my hea I had him excited but very tired too. I'll take another look.
Forum: Fiction 07-23-2010, 05:46 AM
Replies: 22
Views: 1,334
Posted By cmhine
That's interesting. I'll look into that at some...

That's interesting. I'll look into that at some point.
Forum: Fiction 07-23-2010, 05:36 AM
Replies: 10
Views: 886
Posted By cmhine
Ahhhh - I wonder where the comment went. Thought...

Ahhhh - I wonder where the comment went. Thought I’d gone mad. 175,000 words is a lot to get through if you were to look at it literally. And, I have to say; I use this forum in a similar way. You...
Forum: Fiction 07-22-2010, 04:08 PM
Replies: 22
Views: 1,334
Posted By cmhine
Hmmm. I read that too, about the dream thing....

Hmmm. I read that too, about the dream thing. Bummer. So many films (scenes at least) either wake from a dream or have a sequence in which the MC is immersed.

Think I might post in the members...
Forum: Fiction 07-22-2010, 01:39 PM
Replies: 10
Views: 886
Posted By cmhine
Lol. Ooooh, don’t worry. I wouldn’t be so cheeky...

Lol. Ooooh, don’t worry. I wouldn’t be so cheeky as to task you with the… (wait for the cliché) …whole nine yards.

But then I have one or two other things to prattle on about first – In fact,...
Forum: Fiction 07-22-2010, 10:29 AM
Replies: 10
Views: 886
Posted By cmhine
What are your thoughts on either the pov...

What are your thoughts on either the pov character or the narrative voice asking questions of the plot. I find I write this quite a lot. So I might have my character in some sort of pickle and then...
Forum: Fiction 07-22-2010, 10:23 AM
Replies: 10
Views: 886
Posted By cmhine
You know what, I wrote chapter two a long time...

You know what, I wrote chapter two a long time ago. Sure. It's been tweaked and altered but I think what you have perhaps revealed for me is a genuine case of wood for trees. If you see what I mean. ...
Forum: Fiction 07-21-2010, 03:43 AM
Replies: 14
Views: 1,209
Posted By cmhine
No problem.

No problem.
Forum: Fiction 07-21-2010, 03:41 AM
Replies: 12
Views: 1,080
Posted By cmhine
Lol - I actually guessed it was you too, but...

Lol - I actually guessed it was you too, but didn't want to say.

Good luck.
Forum: Fiction 07-20-2010, 03:22 PM
Replies: 22
Views: 1,334
Posted By cmhine
Yikes. The similarities are endless. My chapter...

Yikes. The similarities are endless. My chapter two starts with a nightmare. Is that bad? My MC's plagued with them, that's a major issue for him and an integral aspect of the main plot.

And, as...
Forum: Fiction 07-20-2010, 03:04 PM
Replies: 12
Views: 1,080
Posted By cmhine
Well, I reckon you're writing about a hormonal...

Well, I reckon you're writing about a hormonal teenage male that's plagued with acne. It annoys him to the point of obsession. It's dominating his entire being, leaving him with feelings of...
Forum: Fiction 07-20-2010, 09:01 AM
Replies: 22
Views: 1,334
Posted By cmhine
I've just started a new thread for 'my' chapter...

I've just started a new thread for 'my' chapter 2.

See link: http://www.writersbeat.com/showthread.php?t=26016
Forum: Fiction 07-20-2010, 09:00 AM
Replies: 10
Views: 886
Posted By cmhine
Demogoran: Chapter 2 - The Scraps. Feedback Muchly appreciated

A big hi to anyone kind enough to critique my second chapter.
Links to other chapters:

Chapter 1 - The Pit: http://www.writersbeat.com/showthread.php?t=25992



Chapter 2.
Forum: Fiction 07-20-2010, 08:49 AM
Replies: 22
Views: 1,334
Posted By cmhine
Oooooh - the bit: 'her birth mothers death,'...

Oooooh - the bit: 'her birth mothers death,' sounds a little close to the bone. That is, a little like part of my plot. I'll drop a little more later. I’m leaving work now. It’ll be later on tonight...
Forum: Fiction 07-20-2010, 07:01 AM
Replies: 22
Views: 1,334
Posted By cmhine
Cheers Casper. ‘Oh dear’ about yours though....

Cheers Casper.

‘Oh dear’ about yours though. Is it vampires?

I've read lots of blurbs on the (how to create a gripping) first chapter, and they all point at cutting the first and jumping in at...
Forum: Fiction 07-20-2010, 06:26 AM
Replies: 22
Views: 1,334
Posted By cmhine
Thanks Casper. That was just what I was looking...

Thanks Casper. That was just what I was looking for.

It's a strange one isn't it: you pain over the same words for so long; then, they end up vague and glossy, the details, blurred.

I’d...
Forum: Fiction 07-20-2010, 05:25 AM
Replies: 22
Views: 1,334
Posted By cmhine
Thank the gods. I was beginning to feel a...

Thank the gods.

I was beginning to feel a little invisible. This is the first chapter of an urban fantasy novel aimed at the YA demographic.

The only problem is it's 175,000 words. However,...
Forum: Fiction 07-20-2010, 12:45 AM
Replies: 22
Views: 1,334
Posted By cmhine
Oh dear.

Oh dear.
Forum: Fiction 07-19-2010, 01:34 PM
Replies: 22
Views: 1,334
Posted By cmhine
Help!!! Have I offended someone, not submitted in...

Help!!! Have I offended someone, not submitted in the correct way?
Forum: Fiction 07-19-2010, 10:26 AM
Replies: 22
Views: 1,334
Posted By cmhine
Please, please, please could someone give me a...

Please, please, please could someone give me a smattering of feedback. Pleeeeeeese x
Forum: Fiction 07-19-2010, 04:53 AM
Replies: 14
Views: 1,209
Posted By cmhine
Good one - very commical. Just one typo...

Good one - very commical.

Just one typo that I found: You said "Their have innocent faces and generally make loyal companions"

I'd have written They have.

Well done.
Forum: Fiction 07-19-2010, 04:39 AM
Replies: 22
Views: 1,334
Posted By cmhine
Demogoran: Chapter 1 - The Pit. Feedback appreciated

Chapter 1.


The Pit



The four anthropological team members worked in the rain and into Monday night, pulling out bodies, one by one. By morning, their orange boiler suits were more the...
Forum: Fiction 01-31-2010, 07:51 AM
Replies: 5
Views: 649
Posted By cmhine
Well I liked it. Perhaps a little over...

Well I liked it. Perhaps a little over descriptive but not in a bad way. I say it cos it's perhaps the first thing that came to mind, and I'd probs do no better.

Enjoyed it.

Well done.
Forum: Fiction 01-31-2010, 07:23 AM
Replies: 29
Views: 2,412
Posted By cmhine
I've read your peice. Ok - it sounds v wordy. Now...

I've read your peice. Ok - it sounds v wordy. Now I know you've pushed what you feel is eloquence but if your audience cannot understand it, you've lost what you set out to do. And that, is to...
Forum: Writing Help & Issues 01-27-2010, 04:22 PM
Replies: 3
Views: 527
Posted By cmhine
Problem with waffly bond baddie summarised ending

Ok, I have this story. It has a v complex plot, a few character twists and some unexpected events. Perhaps not so unexpected but surprising. Ive certainly more than done enough on the foreshadowing...
Showing results 1 to 25 of 74

 

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