WritersBeat.com
 

Go Back   WritersBeat.com > Search Forums


Showing results 1 to 22 of 22
Search took 0.00 seconds.
Search: Posts Made By: Carrie
Forum: Fiction 10-12-2009, 03:16 PM
Replies: 8
Views: 1,064
Posted By Carrie
Thanks for the feedback. Just to let you know...

Thanks for the feedback. Just to let you know I'm still re-working this offline and will post up a revised version when I'm more satisfied. Not sure I've got the stamina for novels. Also I tend to...
Forum: Fiction 10-12-2009, 03:08 PM
Replies: 13
Views: 1,577
Posted By Carrie
This is deep. The boys reasons for killing his...

This is deep. The boys reasons for killing his pet are complex, but I'm honing in on this



so he snaps the neck of the creature he loves (not to save the bird from pain) but in order to...
Forum: Fiction 10-04-2009, 05:33 PM
Replies: 8
Views: 1,064
Posted By Carrie
Thanks. I see where you're coming from. Very...

Thanks. I see where you're coming from. Very much so. I usually have problems moving a plot along because I'm so caught up in use of language and imagery, but in this instance, because I know...
Forum: Fiction 10-04-2009, 05:25 PM
Replies: 6
Views: 1,776
Posted By Carrie
Firstly, I have to disagree with taking out the...

Firstly, I have to disagree with taking out the words 'once upon a time'. This is the antithesis of a fairy tale, so the inclusion is justified. Secondly, essentially what this needs in terms of...
Forum: Fiction 10-04-2009, 04:40 PM
Replies: 8
Views: 1,064
Posted By Carrie
Closure

The start of what I expect will be an extended short story of anything from 5,000 words up. Have the basic plot worked out. Need some feedback on whether you feel the beginning shows any promise...
Forum: Fiction 10-04-2009, 02:00 PM
Replies: 3
Views: 745
Posted By Carrie
Feel much the same way as the above reviewer, in...

Feel much the same way as the above reviewer, in that I'm not entirely sure how I feel about this. But, I'll try my best to explain. Taking the title into account and up until shortly after the...
Forum: Fiction 10-04-2009, 10:17 AM
Replies: 4
Views: 616
Posted By Carrie
Personally, I'd want to see it written as prose. ...

Personally, I'd want to see it written as prose. It's an interesting take on a near-death experience and It wouldn't take much to sharpen up the grammar. I see what you're attempting with the...
Forum: Introductions 09-24-2009, 10:32 PM
Replies: 6
Views: 637
Posted By Carrie
Hi, Emily. Glad you made it.:)

Hi, Emily. Glad you made it.:)
Forum: Fiction 09-21-2009, 06:58 PM
Replies: 6
Views: 677
Posted By Carrie
Guessed what was coming a few paras from the end,...

Guessed what was coming a few paras from the end, up until then I wouldn't have had a clue, so that disappointed me slightly, if that makes sense. I think it was the part where your mc just had to...
Forum: Fiction 09-20-2009, 07:38 AM
Replies: 10
Views: 1,283
Posted By Carrie
Hmm, depends what you want to get across to the...

Hmm, depends what you want to get across to the reader, Kip. I did take the piece as saying this is it, this is all there is to life. You born, you die and inbetween there's all this crap, so any...
Forum: Fiction 09-17-2009, 11:08 AM
Replies: 10
Views: 1,283
Posted By Carrie
This is different and I like it because it's...

This is different and I like it because it's different. I don't think your ending's a problem. I just feel the piece could do with a bit of editing throughout and perhaps some expansion. I'm...
Forum: Fiction 09-16-2009, 03:31 PM
Replies: 5
Views: 817
Posted By Carrie
I like the general idea. You set a scene and...

I like the general idea. You set a scene and create an enticing atmosphere which leads me to expect an adventure story. However, I felt the prose could be sharper, so a few thoughts regarding...
Forum: Previous Contests 09-16-2009, 08:49 AM
Replies: 48
Views: 5,957
Posted By Carrie
Looking forward to reading through everyone's...

Looking forward to reading through everyone's entries when I get the chance. Hopefully before voting closes.
Forum: Previous Contests 09-16-2009, 08:45 AM
Replies: 11
Views: 2,221
Posted By Carrie
Interesting contest. Be good to see what others...

Interesting contest. Be good to see what others come up with here.
Forum: Previous Contests 09-16-2009, 08:41 AM
Replies: 10
Views: 2,836
Posted By Carrie
Defenestration

I only cried twice today. Not that anyone noticed. In this tenebrous world, tears weren't uncommon, and it was only when one's suffering was accompanied by a plethora of screams, or exaggerated...
Forum: Free Writing 09-03-2009, 03:53 PM
Replies: 2
Views: 742
Posted By Carrie
Appealing ending, Shelly. The ambiguity made me...

Appealing ending, Shelly. The ambiguity made me smile. A few suggestions. Brackets indicate delete. Additions in bold. Other comments in italics

Here we were, all five, crammed into Tony's...
Forum: Tips & Advice 09-03-2009, 03:28 PM
Replies: 44
Views: 5,416
Posted By Carrie
Like minded souls giving you a kick up the ass,...

Like minded souls giving you a kick up the ass, as and when required. Where would we be without them?:smile:
Forum: Fiction 09-03-2009, 03:17 PM
Replies: 12
Views: 976
Posted By Carrie
The short, spikey, messy hair seemed a little too...

The short, spikey, messy hair seemed a little too descriptive for such a short 'telling' piece. Something about this reminds me of my children in nappies. Can't think what.
Forum: Free Writing 09-03-2009, 03:01 PM
Replies: 5
Views: 838
Posted By Carrie
I'll copy and paste. Will help my kids with...

I'll copy and paste. Will help my kids with their cookery lessons, if not their English lit.;)
Forum: Free Writing 09-03-2009, 02:57 PM
Replies: 32
Views: 2,218
Posted By Carrie
begs the ? Y

begs
the
?
Y
Forum: Fiction 09-03-2009, 01:27 PM
Replies: 5
Views: 778
Posted By Carrie
Not sure about a lack of volume. On the...

Not sure about a lack of volume. On the contrary, I feel this passage could be much improved by editing down. The overuse of adverbs, repeated phrases and speech tags detract from what appears to...
Forum: Previous Contests 09-03-2009, 12:04 PM
Replies: 15
Views: 4,684
Posted By Carrie
Erosion

There were demons in the water, she said. Devils who foamed at the mouth, tongues lashing out, wreaking havoc on the beach. Stepping between sandy ripples, she paused to count their sins. The...
Showing results 1 to 22 of 22

 

All times are GMT -8. The time now is 02:25 AM.

vBulletin, Copyright 2000-2006, Jelsoft Enterprises Ltd.