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Search: Posts Made By: peadar
Forum: Fiction 07-23-2012, 02:51 AM
Replies: 17
Views: 2,528
Posted By peadar
Icon10 Hi W4L, I'm guessing this is our intro to...

Hi W4L, I'm guessing this is our intro to Mercedes. Looking good :) but you should proof read and run spell checking first.
Keep it up!
Forum: Poetry 07-23-2012, 01:15 AM
Replies: 5
Views: 804
Posted By peadar
Funny stuff. I like the irony of setting it to My...

Funny stuff. I like the irony of setting it to My Fair Lady.
Forum: Poetry 07-23-2012, 01:07 AM
Replies: 3
Age
Views: 371
Posted By peadar
Could refer to a few things, but the...

Could refer to a few things, but the interpretation I like best is that that writer had to fight for what they have and never begged. I could be completely off the mark though!

FireHill:...
Forum: Poetry 07-21-2012, 05:25 AM
Replies: 5
Views: 611
Posted By peadar
Love the construction (content a little gritty)...

Love the construction (content a little gritty) and great storytelling.
Forum: Poetry 07-21-2012, 05:20 AM
Replies: 6
Views: 511
Posted By peadar
Very topical, if not cheering. I am booked to fly...

Very topical, if not cheering. I am booked to fly into Bourgas in three weeks time.
Forum: Poetry 07-20-2012, 10:38 AM
Replies: 4
Views: 403
Posted By peadar
Regardless, I still think you need to separate...

Regardless, I still think you need to separate them with an "and" or some other conjunction.
As it stands it is the equivalent of saying.
"Like a pinch of onion carrot"
Forum: Poetry 07-20-2012, 07:39 AM
Replies: 4
Views: 403
Posted By peadar
Nicely descriptive! FYI, Tumeric and Paprika...

Nicely descriptive!
FYI, Tumeric and Paprika are totally different plants,one is type of ginger and and the other dried and ground peppers.
Forum: Poetry 07-19-2012, 12:27 AM
Replies: 1
Views: 468
Posted By peadar
Touching. That seems really out of...

Touching.


That seems really out of place, I would consider rewording.
Forum: Poetry 07-19-2012, 12:20 AM
Replies: 4
Views: 437
Posted By peadar
Ahh...those were the days! I pick up a nice...

Ahh...those were the days!
I pick up a nice tone of regret.
Forum: Free Writing 07-18-2012, 11:50 PM
Replies: 15
Views: 2,934
Posted By peadar
You could also add a twist where hybrids taking...

You could also add a twist where hybrids taking vamp blood slows the human aging process but at some cost, sensitivity to light?
Forum: Poetry 07-18-2012, 12:36 PM
Replies: 12
Views: 780
Posted By peadar
This doesn't seem to sit right, it runs on,...

This doesn't seem to sit right, it runs on, perhaps a comma or something like:

Her multi-hued hair
frames a face
that Aphrodite
is jealous of, a visage
which is delicate,
serene and calm.
Forum: Poetry 07-18-2012, 03:03 AM
Replies: 2
Views: 343
Posted By peadar
Taken literally this could almost be titled: ...

Taken literally this could almost be titled:
"Stormchasers aphorism"
Works well on a metaphoric level too, except if his death is imminent then a thousand hills seems a bit much.
Might be better...
Forum: Writers' Cafe 07-18-2012, 01:54 AM
Replies: 90
Views: 15,025
Posted By peadar
Where's the box that reads: "Never got the...

Where's the box that reads:
"Never got the chance"
Heehee.
Forum: Board Games 07-18-2012, 01:51 AM
Replies: 6
Views: 1,491
Posted By peadar
I should have popped her, tried too too. Now...

I should have popped her, tried too too. Now the've hooked me up to a brain-draining machine, the aliens in white reading my brain waves. I know I'll try to kill her/it again. Just as soon I get out...
Forum: Writers' Cafe 07-18-2012, 01:37 AM
Replies: 14
Views: 1,112
Posted By peadar
My 6 siblings and I used to all sit down to meals...

My 6 siblings and I used to all sit down to meals with a book (each), seemed normal to me at the time.
Forum: Writers' Cafe 07-18-2012, 01:21 AM
Replies: 85
Views: 7,416
Posted By peadar
If you're looking for the perfect woman you're...

If you're looking for the perfect woman you're too late.
I have her, so there!!!
peadar, the smug bastard.
Forum: Poetry 07-17-2012, 11:46 PM
Replies: 7
Views: 542
Posted By peadar
How about: "More blinding than bright" or ...

How about:
"More blinding than bright"
or
"More searing than light"
Forum: Poetry 07-17-2012, 11:20 PM
Replies: 5
Views: 397
Posted By peadar
It reads better (easier) when split into...

It reads better (easier) when split into stanzas.(I C&P it into Word, read and enjoyed)
On line 4 did you mean:
"I'm mesmerised"?
If not, who or what did you mesmerise?
;)
Forum: Poetry 07-17-2012, 11:07 PM
Replies: 12
Views: 938
Posted By peadar
Who is Mary and why does she scare you so. :)

Who is Mary and why does she scare you so. :)
Forum: Poetry 07-17-2012, 10:59 PM
Replies: 5
Views: 526
Posted By peadar
What kind of birds were jumping, bloody...

What kind of birds were jumping, bloody Ostriches? :)
love the line:

hear the noise of jabbering jaws
Nice!
Forum: Poetry 07-17-2012, 10:24 PM
Replies: 2
Views: 403
Posted By peadar
80 to zero (again)

(This had been deleted coz I overposted)

The young man gets behind the wheel, full of pride, zest and zeal.
Within the steel cage of his car, invincible is what they are.
The world’s best...
Forum: Poetry 07-17-2012, 10:10 PM
Replies: 3
Views: 431
Posted By peadar
Yep, it always seems too early, especially if the...

Yep, it always seems too early, especially if the craic is good.
When I read it I thought, Wow, thats a great metaphor for something ending too soon. As in.
"Rocker's dead?"
"Yep, the barman...
Forum: Fiction 07-17-2012, 01:09 AM
Replies: 6
Views: 1,706
Posted By peadar
Good stuff. slight problem with this line. ...

Good stuff.
slight problem with this line.

I see the teacher press a button when all of a sudden I hear a huge explosion and a blinding light comes from outside the window.
The light should be...
Forum: Fiction 07-16-2012, 11:04 PM
Replies: 7
Views: 516
Posted By peadar
Unusual format for verse, doncha think? :)

Unusual format for verse, doncha think? :)
Forum: Poetry 07-16-2012, 12:39 PM
Replies: 12
Views: 914
Posted By peadar
Creepy, like paranoia gone wild.

Creepy, like paranoia gone wild.
Showing results 1 to 25 of 104

 

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