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Search: Posts Made By: pswgear
Forum: Fiction 10-17-2016, 06:08 AM
Replies: 31
Views: 2,093
Posted By pswgear
Really well done. *applauds*

Really well done. *applauds*
Forum: Poetry 10-04-2016, 03:28 AM
Replies: 3
Views: 526
Posted By pswgear
Really liked this. Beautiful imagery.

Really liked this. Beautiful imagery.
Forum: Fiction 09-06-2016, 10:56 AM
Replies: 1
Views: 620
Posted By pswgear
Unfortunately, I couldn't make it past the first...

Unfortunately, I couldn't make it past the first sentence as it is so unwieldy. A quick glance at the rest of the work showed me more of the same. I'd be happy to take another look with some...
Forum: Poetry 09-06-2016, 12:35 AM
Replies: 2
Views: 466
Posted By pswgear
I love the feeling this conveys. However,...

I love the feeling this conveys.

However, two notes:
-way too many commas for my personal tastes. Commas are a pause, but you have a built-in pause with the carriage return so perhaps rethink...
Forum: Poetry 03-15-2016, 07:28 AM
Replies: 10
Views: 1,071
Posted By pswgear
Really solid work, man. Hah, must admit I...

Really solid work, man.

Hah, must admit I was expecting an acoustic guitar so the whole sound was surprised, and just fucking worked. Nice. Really good.
Forum: Poetry 03-15-2016, 07:26 AM
Replies: 2
Views: 490
Posted By pswgear
Fair dust, Nick, personally gifted by Drumpf to...

Fair dust, Nick, personally gifted by Drumpf to all wunderkinds.

It's an interesting start, but I sorta feel like you stopped telling the story halfway through. It's a bit of an incomplete...
Forum: Poetry 03-15-2016, 07:21 AM
Replies: 0
Views: 307
Posted By pswgear
Speak for Me

You see
through the veneer,
don't you?
Please tell me you see
all the sides
of me
I can't bring
myself
to say out loud.
Forum: Fiction 03-14-2016, 04:42 AM
Replies: 7
Views: 910
Posted By pswgear
...thank you?

...thank you?
Forum: Fiction 03-07-2016, 10:54 PM
Replies: 3
Views: 788
Posted By pswgear
Thanks for the read, Kev. Really appreciate it. ...

Thanks for the read, Kev. Really appreciate it.

I'm definitely going to take you up on the thought of adapting that line into a poem.
Forum: Fiction 03-01-2016, 06:09 AM
Replies: 3
Views: 788
Posted By pswgear
A Coward's Perspective

I gripped the back of the pew, knuckles turning white under tension. Tendons rounded across bone, flexing back and forth under my command. Her question hung heavier in the air than the century’s...
Forum: Poetry 02-22-2016, 10:42 PM
Replies: 10
Views: 851
Posted By pswgear
It's a bit too on the nose for me. I also quite...

It's a bit too on the nose for me. I also quite like the feel of Superman dropping away to just man. But I appreciate the suggestion.

I think y'all are right about the line breaks. Much as I would...
Forum: Fiction 02-22-2016, 10:17 PM
Replies: 5
Views: 716
Posted By pswgear
Fair enough. I would just make this crystal clear...

Fair enough. I would just make this crystal clear so the reader is left to no confusion.
Forum: Fiction 02-19-2016, 03:10 AM
Replies: 4
Views: 705
Posted By pswgear
This didn't really gel with me. Not enough...

This didn't really gel with me. Not enough ambiance? Too little connection to the MC's life-altering choice?

I did enjoy all the little bits reference as god telling him to stop.

Also, I assume...
Forum: Fiction 02-19-2016, 02:27 AM
Replies: 5
Views: 716
Posted By pswgear
Interesting piece. I like the references to the...

Interesting piece. I like the references to the larger story, and especially the nice punch at the end.

General comment: This is totally subjective, but I feel like there are a lot of extra words....
Forum: Fiction 02-18-2016, 11:17 AM
Replies: 7
Views: 910
Posted By pswgear
The uneven syncopation is quite intended. I've...

The uneven syncopation is quite intended. I've long studied how people read what is written. My poetry, in fact, tends to be my playground for more wild attempts at forced pace.

The grammar of...
Forum: Fiction 02-18-2016, 10:52 AM
Replies: 7
Views: 910
Posted By pswgear
Ah, such a good catch! I've made an edit to fix...

Ah, such a good catch! I've made an edit to fix it. Thanks for that, and for the kind words, as well.
Forum: Poetry 02-17-2016, 04:54 AM
Replies: 10
Views: 851
Posted By pswgear
A second attempt. Thoughts? The moment of...

A second attempt. Thoughts?

The moment of clarity
of a son’s disappointment
when Superman becomes just a man

Bones of promise snapped
under ignorant weight
finally made to see
hazy...
Forum: Poetry 02-17-2016, 04:48 AM
Replies: 10
Views: 851
Posted By pswgear
I think the same fluidity is achieved by...

I think the same fluidity is achieved by unfucking up my capitalization. Your breaking of the lines introduces a different emphasis, and less of a clear cadence. I like to think of line breaks (at...
Forum: Fiction 02-15-2016, 05:23 AM
Replies: 7
Views: 910
Posted By pswgear
No Tears (465 words)

“I sealed it,” Thom said, dropping into the rickety chair in front of me. The wood groaned in protest. Yet whether it held together because of the skill of my father’s hands or because it recognized...
Forum: Poetry 02-10-2016, 11:44 PM
Replies: 10
Views: 851
Posted By pswgear
Thanks y'all, I really appreciate the read and...

Thanks y'all, I really appreciate the read and the commentary.

I think I'm naturally progressing toward a better understanding of how to use capitalization to guide a reading, so that's right on....
Forum: Free Writing 02-08-2016, 08:13 AM
Replies: 5
Views: 714
Posted By pswgear
I feel like I'm drowning in words. Nice words...

I feel like I'm drowning in words. Nice words they are though. Bubbles, even.
Forum: Poetry 02-08-2016, 06:51 AM
Replies: 10
Views: 851
Posted By pswgear
Things to Never Say

The moment of clarity
of a son's disappointment
when superman becomes just a man
Nothing so grand as a tall tale
Never the eloquence of a myth
Just hidden truth.

the bones of promise fade to...
Forum: Writers' Cafe 02-03-2016, 07:14 AM
Replies: 48
Views: 2,029
Posted By pswgear
I was an economist while living in the States...

I was an economist while living in the States (doing consulting work for various branches of County governments around DC).

In Germany, I was full time writing for just over a year and am now...
Forum: Fiction 01-24-2016, 12:49 PM
Replies: 18
Views: 1,302
Posted By pswgear
Good stuff. I enjoyed the terse style and the...

Good stuff. I enjoyed the terse style and the setup for the characters' antagonism. Well done.

Not sure I have the time to give, but I might just post something here this week. Cheers.
Forum: Fiction 01-24-2016, 12:44 PM
Replies: 0
Views: 281
Posted By pswgear
Faster (302 words)

She fell hard.

On her back, thick legs sprawled in the haphazard fashion that gravity tends to inflict on the exhausted. Her left arm was stretched out, cushioned by the grass. Her right draped...
Showing results 1 to 25 of 460

 

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