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Search: Posts Made By: Shikkui
Forum: Fiction 01-26-2011, 07:15 PM
Replies: 10
Views: 1,115
Posted By Shikkui
I'm guessing you want what we thought of the...

I'm guessing you want what we thought of the story? I found it very predictable and a bit boring.
Forum: Fiction 12-15-2010, 09:53 PM
Replies: 55
Views: 5,688
Posted By Shikkui
...You spelled "Knights" like "Nights"... are you...

...You spelled "Knights" like "Nights"... are you 10?
Forum: Fiction 09-25-2010, 10:15 PM
Replies: 15
Views: 1,188
Posted By Shikkui
Thank you Persona. I love hearing the advice of...

Thank you Persona. I love hearing the advice of fellow writers. If anybody has any other advice, please post them for me XD
Forum: Fiction 09-24-2010, 05:24 PM
Replies: 15
Views: 1,188
Posted By Shikkui
I thought about that, and I started writing......

I thought about that, and I started writing... but then when I read it, it sounded corny... hmmm... maybe I'll add more mystery to it and make the main character slowly discover the identities of the...
Forum: Fiction 09-24-2010, 04:04 PM
Replies: 15
Views: 1,188
Posted By Shikkui
Thank you guys! If you have any idea on how to...

Thank you guys! If you have any idea on how to continue the story, please tell me! haha... I'm having a hard time introduce the rest of the characters... I know where the story is going, but if any...
Forum: Fiction 09-24-2010, 09:04 AM
Replies: 15
Views: 1,188
Posted By Shikkui
Thank you for saying that it was interesting, it...

Thank you for saying that it was interesting, it makes me happy that somebody thought my story was good :)
Forum: Fiction 09-19-2010, 12:46 PM
Replies: 20
Views: 2,379
Posted By Shikkui
I agree with ! Andy that the intro should start...

I agree with ! Andy that the intro should start off at adulthood. Some stories are good with a childhood flash back intro, but this one makes no sense starting at childhood, especially since the...
Forum: Fiction 09-18-2010, 02:01 PM
Replies: 20
Views: 2,379
Posted By Shikkui
I agree with the others that a story about a...

I agree with the others that a story about a nameless boy and a girl is sort of cliche... I also don't see how this is leading to a story... but yeah, maybe rewrite or re edit it?
Forum: Fiction 09-18-2010, 01:37 PM
Replies: 15
Views: 1,188
Posted By Shikkui
Plz Critique

any last critiquing before I re edit?
Forum: Fiction 09-14-2010, 01:37 PM
Replies: 15
Views: 1,188
Posted By Shikkui
Thank you VPDavinci! I am glad you enjoyed my...

Thank you VPDavinci! I am glad you enjoyed my story. Like I said, all comments and criticism is accepted! I hope everybody can give me critiquing like yours so I can improve when I start writing...
Forum: Fiction 09-13-2010, 06:57 PM
Replies: 10
Views: 1,219
Posted By Shikkui
Well I personally think this reads more like a...

Well I personally think this reads more like a story, since there really is not much story behind it, but yeah... that's just my personal opinion...
...
Forum: Fiction 09-13-2010, 06:35 PM
Replies: 10
Views: 1,219
Posted By Shikkui
Are you sure you put this in the right section? ...

Are you sure you put this in the right section? This seems more of poetry... but even thought it seems very poetic, I think this is a pretty good one. Keep it up!
...
Forum: Fiction 09-12-2010, 06:03 PM
Replies: 15
Views: 1,188
Posted By Shikkui
Thank you, Tekak. And yes hopefully I can...

Thank you, Tekak. And yes hopefully I can continue with this story. I'm trying to write Chapter 1, but I'm finding it difficult to suddenly introduce 6 new characters. I'll try and do a better job...
Forum: Fiction 09-12-2010, 09:39 AM
Replies: 15
Views: 1,188
Posted By Shikkui
Thank you Tekakwitha. I really appreciated your...

Thank you Tekakwitha. I really appreciated your help. The only error I fixed for now was the deserted by God part, because it was obviously a really really stupid typo. But I will edit the story...
Forum: Fiction 09-11-2010, 08:14 PM
Replies: 15
Views: 1,188
Posted By Shikkui
Updated Version of "The God Game Chapter 0"

Ok so I rewrote the story. I added a few things and changed a few names and added a name and stuff... Please give me some critique. I'm really young and I have hardly any experience... So any...
Forum: Fiction 09-11-2010, 09:43 AM
Replies: 15
Views: 1,128
Posted By Shikkui
I agree with the comments above that this isn't...

I agree with the comments above that this isn't working as an effective prologue. It's not very informative and you don't see the background story which it is supposed to create.
Forum: Fiction 09-10-2010, 09:55 PM
Replies: 9
Views: 799
Posted By Shikkui
Well the idea of this story is that there are...

Well the idea of this story is that there are more than one God. These Gods are another race of humans that are superior to humans. I thought of it when I was looking at a bunch of ants running...
Forum: Fiction 09-10-2010, 08:45 PM
Replies: 9
Views: 799
Posted By Shikkui
Thank you Banana. I appreciate your comments. I...

Thank you Banana. I appreciate your comments. I can see what you mean by when you want me to put more detail about the mortals. The reason I put alot of detail into the Gods is because we won't be...
Forum: Fiction 09-10-2010, 05:53 PM
Replies: 9
Views: 799
Posted By Shikkui
Thank you again Persona. I have edited the...

Thank you again Persona. I have edited the things you have said. However I found some of your points to be a bit weird.

Dead bodies sprawled all over across the cave floor; the stench (of...
Forum: Fiction 09-10-2010, 05:49 PM
Replies: 9
Views: 799
Posted By Shikkui
Version 2. of Chapter 0 of The God Game

Chaos struck the land. Floods so high the city streets looked like rivers. Meteoroids rained down like hail, making the surface unrecognizable. Cities were destroyed, towns uninhabitable and farms...
Forum: Fiction 09-10-2010, 04:37 PM
Replies: 9
Views: 799
Posted By Shikkui
I wanted this beginning to be as mysterious as...

I wanted this beginning to be as mysterious as possible. But yeah, the next part will have a lot more information.
Forum: Fiction 09-10-2010, 03:54 PM
Replies: 9
Views: 799
Posted By Shikkui
The God Games Chapter 0.

New story I wrote. Please give me some constructive criticism or any other comments. By constructive I mean if you are going to tell me you hate it, at least give me a reason why and how I can make...
Forum: Fiction 09-09-2010, 08:28 AM
Replies: 16
Views: 2,162
Posted By Shikkui
I think that "Vigilantes" killing wrong doers by...

I think that "Vigilantes" killing wrong doers by making them have heart attacks has already been done before... I like how you wrote the story, but still it felt a bit cliché when it came to the part...
Forum: Fiction 09-09-2010, 08:20 AM
Replies: 3
Views: 721
Posted By Shikkui
Please change the font, it's too small and it...

Please change the font, it's too small and it hurts my eyes. After I saw how long it was I didn't feel like reading it because the font is too small.
Forum: Fiction 09-02-2010, 10:36 PM
Replies: 4
Views: 717
Posted By Shikkui
this kind of sounds like the darren shan book... ...

this kind of sounds like the darren shan book... the lord loss series. What with the Demons and abilities to kill demons...
Showing results 1 to 25 of 105

 

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