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Search: Posts Made By: Ashyne
Forum: Fiction 10-16-2006, 06:07 AM
Replies: 3
Views: 1,958
Posted By Ashyne
thx Starpanda very very much for the critique. as...

thx Starpanda very very much for the critique. as u can see, chapters 1 and 2 leave alot of mysteries that chapter 3 will solve. so read the chapters in order and you won't find this story that...
Forum: Fiction 09-28-2006, 03:50 AM
Replies: 13
Views: 2,135
Posted By Ashyne
ahh LOL ive always wanted to write twisted fairy...

ahh LOL ive always wanted to write twisted fairy tales, ok i'll read this tomorrow =)
Forum: Fiction 09-27-2006, 09:59 PM
Replies: 6
Views: 1,881
Posted By Ashyne
its weird how chapter 3 has four times more views...

its weird how chapter 3 has four times more views than chapter 2...
Forum: Fiction 09-27-2006, 09:43 PM
Replies: 4
Views: 1,999
Posted By Ashyne
To TheReMonstor: oh wowwww!!! thats...

To TheReMonstor:

oh wowwww!!! thats gooooood critique lol i gotta admit u made me laugh my head off when i read some of the sentences in ur posts they're funny! anyway this story is a joke i know...
Forum: Fiction 09-27-2006, 06:31 PM
Replies: 6
Views: 1,881
Posted By Ashyne
Read CH1-->CH2-->CH3 in this order or u wont know...

Read CH1-->CH2-->CH3 in this order or u wont know whats going on. I've finished writing Chapter 4 and im gonna post it next week. :)
Forum: Fiction 09-26-2006, 07:42 PM
Replies: 6
Views: 1,881
Posted By Ashyne
Jillian? are u from UM Forums? LOL if u are, nice...

Jillian? are u from UM Forums? LOL if u are, nice to see u here haha and thx for the critique but u misinterpreted one of the sentences.

'The men hesitated again, as if they weren't [<---as if...
Forum: Fiction 09-26-2006, 06:54 PM
Replies: 21
Views: 18,410
Posted By Ashyne
split up ur work into various chapters for easy...

split up ur work into various chapters for easy reading, this is TOO long!
Forum: Fiction 09-26-2006, 06:41 PM
Replies: 3
Views: 1,232
Posted By Ashyne
lol i think you shouldn't be describing too much...

lol i think you shouldn't be describing too much on the action and focus on the plot instead, its starting to get gruesome.
Forum: Fiction 09-26-2006, 06:34 PM
Replies: 3
Views: 1,072
Posted By Ashyne
this is good stuff, but shouldn't this be themed...

this is good stuff, but shouldn't this be themed as Erotica? anyways, try to split each paragraph into smaller paragraphs of 3-5 sentences each, like what I did with my work.
Forum: Fiction 09-25-2006, 09:54 PM
Replies: 6
Views: 1,881
Posted By Ashyne
FirstContact CH3: Coria

"Hello?"

"Ah, he's awake."

"Quick, get him some water."

There were voices all around him. Through his half-opened eyes, Ryan saw blur shapes. He counted one, two, three, four of them. He...
Forum: Fiction 09-25-2006, 09:50 PM
Replies: 3
Views: 1,958
Posted By Ashyne
FirstContact CH2: Enslaved

The man drifted in and out of consciousness. He saw blurry shapes through his half-opened eyes. He felt the fire that scorched his body, heard the anguished moans of tortured souls around him. I am...
Forum: Fiction 09-25-2006, 09:48 PM
Replies: 4
Views: 1,999
Posted By Ashyne
FirstContact CH1: Horror Unleashed

Lights. Red lights flashed all around him. Ryan sat up, the blood rushing back to his head, while a loud hissing indicated the hatch of his cryo-chamber opening. As soon as the warm, unpolluted air...
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