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Search: Posts Made By: Elenita
Forum: Fiction 09-24-2018, 10:53 PM
Replies: 10
Views: 446
Posted By Elenita
Hey hey I remember you too! Wow it's been awhile....

Hey hey I remember you too! Wow it's been awhile. So nice to know you're still writing and hanging out around these forums. Yeah my horror phase started this year, side effect of being very...
Forum: Fiction 09-23-2018, 03:46 AM
Replies: 10
Views: 446
Posted By Elenita
Thanks for the advice, I sometimes miss out on...

Thanks for the advice, I sometimes miss out on writing small but important details that would help the reader connect more.
Forum: Fiction 09-23-2018, 03:40 AM
Replies: 10
Views: 446
Posted By Elenita
Thanks for the advice, I sometimes miss out on...

Thanks for the advice, I sometimes miss out on writing small but important details that would help the reader connect more.
Forum: Fiction 09-22-2018, 08:40 PM
Replies: 10
Views: 446
Posted By Elenita
Silent Night

(Note: this story is set in Shanghai, China, where I currently live. Here in China death is a taboo topic generally not spoken of among adults, much less children. I tend to write a lot of horror so...
Forum: Fiction 09-22-2018, 08:36 PM
Replies: 6
Views: 1,131
Posted By Elenita
This story made me laugh. It's hilarious and I...

This story made me laugh. It's hilarious and I think it has a lot of potential. I'm a big fan of dark comedy, and I would love to see this developed further and maybe made into a screenplay.
Forum: Writers' Cafe 08-28-2018, 04:51 PM
Replies: 9,825
Views: 310,980
Posted By Elenita
Josh Groban - S'il Suffisait D'aimer ...

Josh Groban - S'il Suffisait D'aimer




http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=j9hM-S6_Vs0&pbjreload=10
Forum: Poetry 05-05-2018, 08:52 PM
Replies: 1
Views: 450
Posted By Elenita
My Most Favorite Thing in the Whole Wide World

“What does red look like,” I ask
one night, my mother’s
arm around me

“Red,” she begins, “feels like a
lamp that you just plugged in
the socket. The glass bulb is still cold
until the...
Forum: Poetry 05-05-2018, 08:15 PM
Replies: 5
Views: 1,068
Posted By Elenita
I am just a tiny bit obsessed with Icarus...

I am just a tiny bit obsessed with Icarus recently and I LOVED the grandeur and mythology in this poem. It captures a world of fantasy and gods perfectly! I really enjoyed it
Forum: Poetry 05-01-2018, 09:38 PM
Replies: 4
Views: 815
Posted By Elenita
Thanks for your detailed feedback! I really...

Thanks for your detailed feedback! I really appreciate it!
Forum: Poetry 04-15-2018, 05:51 PM
Replies: 4
Views: 815
Posted By Elenita
Yesterday

Yesterday you were beautiful
Amber light shining on you
Like the sun waking up
A sleeping garden of roses
You wore a crown of petals
Dandelions picked before they
Turned to clusters of wishes...
Forum: Fiction 01-08-2018, 02:20 AM
Replies: 25
Views: 1,034
Posted By Elenita
the scene you set here is very interesting, is...

the scene you set here is very interesting, is the lack of punctuation intentional for effect?
Forum: Fiction 01-06-2018, 11:42 PM
Replies: 3
Views: 570
Posted By Elenita
The Next Bad Day

The Next Bad Day

Christopher Joseph Brent hated going to church. It was like walking into a giant coffin, a coffin fitted with benches for the viewing of a corpse. Except Brent knew of some...
Forum: Fiction 11-25-2017, 12:43 AM
Replies: 1
Views: 707
Posted By Elenita
Everybody Knows

Everybody knows that if you eat ice cream too fast it makes your head hurt. That’s what I told Mommy because she always eats it so quickly. She goes through a whole bucket of chocolate ice cream in...
Forum: Fiction 11-11-2017, 10:12 PM
Replies: 0
Views: 451
Posted By Elenita
That Other Bad Day

Part two of "Another Bad Day"


Christopher Joseph Brent always hated doctors. They never had anything important to say; they always had answers to questions he didn’t have and were clueless to...
Forum: Fiction 11-11-2017, 03:33 PM
Replies: 7
Views: 972
Posted By Elenita
Is it deliberately punctuated like this? Because...

Is it deliberately punctuated like this? Because if it was divided into sentences and maybe even into two paragraphs it would be a lot easier to read and appreciate the talent here
Forum: Fiction 11-09-2017, 03:38 PM
Replies: 7
Views: 746
Posted By Elenita
Could you point out an example where the language...

Could you point out an example where the language switches between formal and informal so I can correct it?
Forum: Fiction 11-05-2017, 05:34 PM
Replies: 2
Views: 538
Posted By Elenita
In Any Other World

The first time your world explodes, you should have seen it coming.

The signs were there, but you were just too young to realize that the door slamming wasn’t just the wind, the broken dishes...
Forum: Fiction 11-05-2017, 05:32 PM
Replies: 3
Views: 961
Posted By Elenita
Wow. This is a masterpiece of creativity. I want...

Wow. This is a masterpiece of creativity. I want to reread it a few more times to soak up all it's brilliance. The way you describe the parrot, his attitude, and tone of voice is amazing. Looking...
Forum: Fiction 11-04-2017, 05:14 PM
Replies: 7
Views: 746
Posted By Elenita
I sound stupid for asking but what are dialogue...

I sound stupid for asking but what are dialogue tags?
Forum: Fiction 11-03-2017, 08:45 PM
Replies: 7
Views: 746
Posted By Elenita
Another Bad Day

Sequel to "Bad Day"





Christopher Joseph Brent didn’t like having a gun in his mouth. Not just because of the metallic, oily flavor, but also because it just didn’t fit right. It was...
Forum: Fiction 11-03-2017, 08:40 PM
Replies: 6
Views: 1,041
Posted By Elenita
this is interesting. The beginning part confuses...

this is interesting. The beginning part confuses me a little, is it connected to the rest of the story? Whose thoughts is it? There's a murder going on here right? I think the concept and dialogue...
Forum: Fiction 10-30-2017, 10:24 PM
Replies: 1
Views: 519
Posted By Elenita
Happy Ending

Does the somewhat understated tone fit with the story? Does the ending work or is it too simplistic? Should the story be longer or is the current length sufficient? All critique appreciated.

...
Forum: Fiction 10-26-2017, 07:17 PM
Replies: 8
Views: 659
Posted By Elenita
Wow. This story captivated me from start to...

Wow. This story captivated me from start to finish. The switch between POV worked perfectly here. You set the scenes and characters perfectly too, this is basically a perfect story :)
Forum: The Library 10-22-2017, 07:33 PM
Replies: 287
Views: 50,630
Posted By Elenita
Third and Indiana by Steve Lopez

Third and Indiana by Steve Lopez
Forum: Poetry 10-22-2017, 06:06 PM
Replies: 1
Views: 461
Posted By Elenita
I loved reading this poem, it's simple but...

I loved reading this poem, it's simple but effective in it's imagery. The stanza about the fairy and Santa paints an especially striking image.

Of all the stanzas I feel like this one "When did...
Showing results 1 to 25 of 41

 

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