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Forum: Fiction 10-06-2016, 08:48 AM
Replies: 7
Views: 932
Posted By YvonJan
"His right arm lied in front of it." You...

"His right arm lied in front of it."

You should say "lay" instead of "lied." Although if that were a pun on lying, that would be fun.

Ultimately, my problem with this is that there doesn't...
Forum: Writers' Cafe 10-06-2016, 08:17 AM
Replies: 16
Views: 4,002
Posted By YvonJan
I don't drink at all. I don't want to put myself...

I don't drink at all. I don't want to put myself in any form of loss of control. That being said, I have tried a Guinness before, and I'm thinking about trying it again. Heritage, you see. Other...
Forum: Research Section 10-06-2016, 08:11 AM
Replies: 6
Views: 4,230
Posted By YvonJan
I appreciate you guys taking the time to respond,...

I appreciate you guys taking the time to respond, but...well, I'm not sure how helpful this advice is. I want to be able to understand a certain mindset, and I need to find a source to do this.
...
Forum: Fiction 10-03-2016, 01:21 PM
Replies: 2
Views: 858
Posted By YvonJan
Well, I have some suggestions. Avoid the...

Well, I have some suggestions.

Avoid the words "has," "was," "were," and "had been." These are signs of passive voice, and making the attempt to say what you want to say without them will...
Forum: Writing Help & Issues 10-03-2016, 10:03 AM
Replies: 21
Views: 10,757
Posted By YvonJan
The best thing to do is to read really old stuff,...

The best thing to do is to read really old stuff, from back in the day when technique was emphasized in schools.

Arthur Conan Doyle, Robert Heinlein -- really great language and turn of phrase. ...
Forum: Writing Help & Issues 10-03-2016, 09:55 AM
Replies: 5
Views: 2,850
Posted By YvonJan
This is really cool, as long as you do the...

This is really cool, as long as you do the historical research. Don't make it something like Bill and Ted's Amazing Adventure. But generally, the idea sounds great. So what's the ultimate...
Forum: Research Section 10-03-2016, 09:48 AM
Replies: 6
Views: 4,230
Posted By YvonJan
Modern, of course.

Modern, of course.
Forum: Research Section 10-02-2016, 10:35 AM
Replies: 6
Views: 4,230
Posted By YvonJan
Normal Teenagers

Hi there. So I'm writing a story series which will involve all manner of teen characters. Trouble is, not only was I not a normal teen, I never understood the normal trappings of the teenaged...
Forum: Writers' Cafe 09-29-2016, 10:52 AM
Replies: 32
Views: 6,614
Posted By YvonJan
Oh, this is hard...um, I really like aigoo, the...

Oh, this is hard...um, I really like aigoo, the korean word for "darn." But in english, I don't really know. "Ascertain" is pretty fun.
Forum: Fiction 09-29-2016, 10:44 AM
Replies: 5
Views: 775
Posted By YvonJan
Style is style, but you can't forget clarity. I...

Style is style, but you can't forget clarity. I don't know what's happening. Of course, is this the opening quote from a pretentious character, and the people he's around are staring blankly, that...
Forum: Fiction 09-29-2016, 10:41 AM
Replies: 10
Views: 1,195
Posted By YvonJan
The story seems a bit too pattern based. It...

The story seems a bit too pattern based. It feels like the story is like an anti-government story, just told with gods instead of government. For something like this, you'd need to emphasize the...
Forum: Fiction 09-29-2016, 10:36 AM
Replies: 15
Views: 2,172
Posted By YvonJan
I like this story because it has great tone, but...

I like this story because it has great tone, but it doesn't seem terribly clear. Especially the beginning parts where it talks about crayons. If you're going to have an open interpretation story,...
Forum: Introductions 09-29-2016, 10:24 AM
Replies: 5
Views: 842
Posted By YvonJan
Lol, I agree with the "all but romantic fiction,"...

Lol, I agree with the "all but romantic fiction," too. Romance is cool as an element, but genre romance...I dunno, it tends to be really pattern based these days.

Anyway, avocado is great. Now...
Forum: Introductions 09-29-2016, 10:22 AM
Replies: 2
Views: 653
Posted By YvonJan
Annyong!

Hi, I'm YvonJan. I've been writing fanfiction for ten years, but now I'm trying to be published for real. I just sent a story into Asimov's science fiction for consideration, and I'm waiting to...
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