View Single Post
Old 05-07-2009, 06:35 PM
seanbags's Avatar
seanbags (Offline)
Official Member
Join Date: May 2009
Location: Perth, Western Australia
Posts: 64
Thanks: 6
Thanks 3
Send a message via MSN to seanbags

For the last couple of days I have been trying to read short stories online. I find it hard to read from the screen. I was attracted to your story by the title "Butterflies & Black Holes (Random Short Excerpts)"

"Random Short Excepts" That appealed to me. And I was rewarded. I found myself engrossed in the story and for me these days that is rare.

I feel that these stories are born of truth rather than fiction. The first excerpt is my favourite. I say this because I feel the exact same way almost every day. To be able to put these feelings down in writing, I believe one must surely have had experience with them. I especially like the bus scene.

"I couldn't wait to escape the idle conversations I heard all around me."

I nodded and smiled when I read that phrase. I think you have done well. Lex's unashamed wanting for everyone around her to suffer and be in misery, I believe was a bold thing to write. It reminds me of myself. I'm glad you wrote this. It also reminds me of one of my favourite songs by a band named "TOOL" The song is called "Aenima" and below you will find the first set of lyrics from the song.

"Some say the end is near.
Some say we'll see armageddon soon.
I certainly hope we will.
I sure could use a vacation from this"

You can Google the full set of lyrics. I'm sure you will find it in very much the same vain as your first excerpt. The notion of anger and despair. Frustration. Just wanting it all to go down.

Also, I enjoyed the way you conveyed Lex's innabilty to press though her little sound barrier. As if her thoughts were the barrier.

" the nothingness in the air crashing with the everything inside me to create this hideous, smothering noise, so much so that Connor's lips began to move with no sound managing to reach me through the invisible battle taking place in me."

I could see it all happening in my mind. When Lex felt the tears detach from her chin. I could hear the rushing noise coming to a crescendo and stopping when Connor spoke. I could feel her battle. I could feel her insanity. The crushing!

"I felt drops of liquid detach and fall from my cheeks and my chin before I felt the tears on my face."

What a great way to depict someone coming to reality. To the here and now. This for me was beautiful. I've enjoyed reading your excerpts and discovered even more depth whilst analysing them. Thankyou.


Reply With Quote
The Following User Says Thank You to seanbags For This Useful Post:
psyence53 (05-08-2009)