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Old 07-30-2017, 03:35 AM
PaulDrake (Offline)
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A very nice start! I think all of the characters you created were realistic and engaging. I especially enjoyed the setup of Zack, his curiosity and even pain from his brother's loss as well as the tension Jordan holds toward Zack's parents. Here's what I would suggest going forward:

1. Don't lose sight of the beginning as the novel develops. Many of your readers will be wondering how the pictures get to the drive-in to begin with and are taken.
2. There seems to be a troubled relationship between Jordan and his girlfriend that will be developed later on and obviously one between Jordan and Zack's parents. I'm curious to see how these subplots tie into the original plot.
3. I really like the idea of Jordan being a professional YouTuber and Zack finding out information about his brother doing research online and would to see this being explored more.
4. There is an obvious connection between Zack's parents being religious and that being a reason for not discussing why his brother was gay. I worry though that they might come off as Christian stereotypes. Remember that even the most religious people are complicated to and this will add to your story.

Overall, a good read and I'm excited to see what comes next!
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