Thread: The Real Bar
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Old 04-23-2017, 03:01 PM
Myers (Offline)
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Join Date: Sep 2013
Posts: 2,224
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Hey, BP. The story feels different to me -- more stylized and less "realistic." I think it also includes more obvious attempts at humor and irony.

I'm glad you like the pacing -- I struggled with it here, especially the time shifts and transitions -- they still feel a little forced to me. At one point I had those three little asterisks that signal a transition, but ended up getting rid of them.

I made your edits -- except the two where you suggested I cut the sentences at the em dash. I think you're right -- so I probably will make them once I've thought about it a bit more.

As usual -- really solid suggestions and edits. Thanks, man.

Grace, that is high praise, indeed.

Yeah -- it's easy to see where it's going -- just tried to make the journey interesting.

Glad you liked it. Thanks!
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