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Old 08-25-2009, 12:03 PM
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This is a fun story but about serious issues. I enjoyed reading it and the end made me feel for the main character. Nice job.

Penpen and HoiLei picked up on most of the nits I was thinking of but I would like to add just one more thing. Personally I felt the speech patterns/dialect was a bit overdone. Could maybe have use less "ya"'s and so on. But that just my personal opinion and its your story so feel free to disagree/ignore me.
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