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Old 10-15-2006, 02:46 PM
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OnceUponATime (Offline)
Heartbreaking Writer of Staggering Genius
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Location: State of Insanity - I must be in order to start my own paper...
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Opinions needed on two short paragraphs


Opening paragraphs from Ch. 6 of my current work-in-progress. Please let me know if it sounds 'off' and where.

Many thanks, in advance-

CH.6: (excerpt)

God speaks to me sometimes, but not in King James English like most tend to believe. He speaks in terms of light and shadow, in the way that the breeze caresses my face and in the way the sunlight touches trees and paints them pink and gold. With a half-pint bottle of whiskey in hand, I find myself perched on the rocks overlooking the neighborhood of Cedar Crest and ask Him to point me toward the person who took Glory from my brother, his wife and me.

The rock is not easy to sit on. It's sharp in all the wrong places, but it’s the same rock I used to visit so many years ago when I needed hard-to-find solitude. Kids tagged these once picturesque rocks over the last couple of decades and now they’re a melange of different colors. About four feet away is the nearly obscured mark I left on one of the boulders not long after my fifteenth birthday. It reads, "Ana and Jo, Friends 4 Ever." The sight of it brings forth the urge to cry, but that immediately passes when I hear the sound of approaching footsteps. I set the bottle aside, pull my .22 automatic from my ankle holster and turn to watch the trail behind me. A human-shaped shadow falls across my personal stone. It appears that I have unwanted company.

******

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Last edited by OnceUponATime; 10-15-2006 at 02:53 PM..
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