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Old 10-16-2006, 04:21 PM
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OnceUponATime (Offline)
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Originally Posted by Lethe View Post
This is a tight little scene and my only suggestion has to do with the second sentence is long and has some repeated phrasing.



I'm also not sure if the suggestion regarding the 'paint/painting' cause s a tense problem - just sounded better in my head.

Like Icarus I am curious where this all started -
Thanks Lethe - good suggestions. Might replace the verb 'painting' as it's a little over-the-top. I do tend to be wordy, so your ideas for a cut & sentence restructure will be taken into consideration.

Thanks bunches
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