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Old 03-02-2018, 01:27 PM
spshane (Offline)
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I like this. A lot of strong dialog. I wish you didn't open on dialog, but maybe you're Hunter S. Thompson. It could work. Maybe move some furniture around, but I think the guts are there.

Don't wanna sound like one of those writer workshop poofs that goes on about sensual balance, but two-thirds of the way through I thought someone needed to fart. Then, it occurred to me that we hadn't heard anything or smelled anything. And that's what writing is, says the workshop poofs, making us smell the fart. What's beer smell like? The sweat? Maybe leather straps holding him to a creaky chair, etc.
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