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Old 10-15-2012, 09:45 PM
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PeteMalicki (Offline)
Homer's Odyssey Was Nothing
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Hi there,

Just a couple of comments, to take or leave as you see fit.

Way too much swearing, dude. As authentic as that may be given the characters they are, no one wants to listen to that on stage. Theatre isn't a real life reflection of speech and you can easily provide the effect with about 10% of those fucks and just vocal inflections and, well, acting.

It's also very talking heads. Two people recounting a story isn't making use of the medium. Make what's happening on stage about what's happening on stage, not about what happened somewhere else.

Also, the characters look practically identical from the way they speak. Delineate them more.

Just my thoughts.

Good luck with it
Pete
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