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Old 02-11-2017, 12:29 PM
spshane (Offline)
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It's hard to pick up any novel and begin reading on Chapter 22. I'm not the fairest critic of novels, because I'm one of those cynical assholes who think they're dead. For the most part, modern readers don't have the time for them anymore. When they do have the time, there a million "writers" competing for their eyes. There are five novelist living on my street alone and twenty that hang out my local library. Too in Nanowrimo and...I'm not trying to discourage you though. If it gets your blood pumping, then do it.
But there are always bumper stickers, T-shirts, and internet memes, and mass shootings...plenty of ways to leave your mark on the world. What was the name of that guy who invented the pet rock?

There's far too much telling in this piece and not enough showing.
I know we're all sick of hearing it: show don't tell, show don't tell, show don't tell. Xavier did this, Xavier did that, Xavier stood, Xavier sat back down, Xavier crossed his legs, Xavier scratched his nose. See where I'm going?

I don't really know how to tell you to do it any better. Wish I did. Most of my writing reading reads like an auto repair manual too. I've read plenty of tips from self-professed experts, who recite the same advice as every other writing workshop in America. It's not that they're wrong, of course; it's that everything reads the same after a while. Tags, adverbs, be-verbs, SDT, etc. Pop a hemorrhoid if you use one too many words.

Or you can a marketing whore and start everything with a question a poll. It's annoying, but it works.
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