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Old 12-17-2012, 08:19 AM
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Tau (Offline)
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Default Best football (soccer) match ever! by CumbrianLad

I turned on the TV last night after my daughter had had more than her fair share of i-Carly.

The intention was to watch Poland v England. Now I've gone off football. I prefer rugby. The reasons for this are manifold, but mainly to do with cheating and over-paid arrogant wimps. I am a hardened masochist, though, so I do force myself to suffer England games, especially the bits where we inevitably lose at penalty shoot-outs.

Last night, I thought idly to myself, would be no different. How wrong I was! I was treated to the most entertaining televised spectacle i had seen for years. Oh, how I laughed. It was pouring down and the officials were trying to decide if the match could be played.

I roared with laughter watching the referree wandering around the sodden turf, optimistically throwing a ball into the puddles, where it splashed down like a returning apollo space mission.

How I chuckled when the most optimistic man I have ever set eyes on, kept moving to another puddle to see if the ball would do the same there.

I guffawed when it was announced that the stadium roof could not be closed because it was raining. I mean, what's the use of a roof that can't be used when it's bad weather? My daughter and I set about inventing FIFA's (Federation of Idiotic and Farcical Inventions)

Megan came up with hairspray for bald people. I came up with swimsuits that are dry clean only...do not wash. Have a go yourselves, it's really good fun.

Then the clowns came on. England fans running around the pitch, diving headfirst into the puddles and aquaplaning to a stop, arms spread wide. They were pursued by officials who couldn't keep their feet...hilarious. Better than a circus.

Next came the tortured FIFA officials, trying to justify why they had held a high-powered meeting and decided to leave the roof open. The tortured anguish on their faces was better than any psychological thriller.

Finally, at the point that my sides positively hurt from all the merriment, they declared that the weather was bad and the match would be postponed until the following day.

I have realised the errors of my ways. I will now watch all football matches avidly. What I had misunderstood was that the sport is not there to be taken seriously. It is there to provide worldwide and uplifting humour.

Thanks, FIFA, for a thoroughly entertaining evening.
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