Thread: The Mere Tide
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Old 10-23-2016, 08:12 AM
Phoenix Lazarus (Offline)
Word Wizard
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Sing! mortal evil,

Capitalise 'mortal' as after exclamation mark-equal to a full stop.

afore the earth before the heavens thou wert,

Comma or semi-colon or colon between 'earth' and 'before'?

formlessness thou wert gainst wishing formed.

'formless, thou wert 'gainst being formed'?

Shine! vital countenance

Capital 'v', after exclamation mark again.

coeternal pon this gnomon guise circled by shadow puzzling the celestial wards whereout issues rain from the lazaret, the fathomless blank intersticing the galaxies and veil to the empyrean and how be it the bruited wells of blackness shade not these stars, this sun, and the pails where are they for to haul up the shroud and reclaim the matter.

Now that just looks like a load of pompous and meaningless waffle to be frank.

She eats the belles. Has eaten the last of the girl.

Hyphen, semi-colon, colon after 'belles'?

Other girls shuffle in their summer dresses to hear sermons that learn none dread.

'...sermons that teach. None dread this'?

Afterwards is a plaited girleen strayed from church and parish and forthwith she is nake slaughtered in the shack and coupled to at the loins. She eats bread from her belly. She drinks the wine.

hexen not gimpen

I don't understand this.

Six days in siege. She hears chanting in the nights. On the seventh day the hexen attempts a parley and is shot through the skull.

The 'hexen' is a witch? My question above answered? Still interested what a 'gimpen' is-presumably not, in this context, someone in a skintight leather costume and face mask!

The hütte has a strange stock. Poultices. Jars. Newt eyes and grimalkin tails, ground bones of babes and bat claws. The ash of brogans. Bloody pages of old books in no tongues long forgotten. A drowned landsman's map. The recorded prayer of a girl drowned in a cistern. Soviet amulets. Pictures of the dead, chamrs of warlocks, old chesspiece kings. The shivs of prisoners and the keepsafes of nuns.

I found this quite a vivid evocation of a (presumed) witch's lair. Except, the allusion to 'soviet amulets' is odd. 'Soviet' as in 'soviet union'? From the language, I assumed there was a medieval-to-seventeenth-century setting. The allusion to 'shivs of prisoners' is likewise jarring, as evoking the slang of twentieth-century America.

Who can do even sinning wrong.

Don't understand this bit.

She goes a revanchist, a nominal harbinger of murderous theogony derived out the narcomaniacal yearnings of privation and a thousand miles of conifers. Moving in auditory nihilism what could not fathom the nemoral songs of birds and so in dismissive solipsism attributed the very symphony of life to the claustral earth so as to say no meaning to them at all.

More pompous and meaningless waffle.

She moved through the close maze and out into a vaulted hall. She checked the rooms. The filthy kitchen, the empty larder. In the mess hall was an antique arcade game whose play was a pixelated B17 bombing a bird's eye caricature of the western front.

We're in the future? Quite a shock revelation!

Git out. Git out.

These commands seemed to tax him to the brink and he held his throat as if he had thrown up the words by force. In his breast pocket she could see a bight of maroon. Beads or some other jewelry.

I sayed I doan known yuh but if Ida known yuh was the devil Ida said. Ida mohved dese legs ta yuh. Is do it now.

He reached for her and she rolled sideways and climbed down from the bunk. He laid back down.

She looked about the spartan confines. Dust concrete and worn. She reached into her pocket and took out a sachet of blackberries and stood a tip toe and placed them at the foot of his bunk.

I bout kill yo daddy I heard what he done but Is wished he done it sooner fo you was old nuff to crawl back out.

Quotation marks for speech?

When the hero goes forth from his kingdom he can bring back only two things. What restores his people. Or what destroys them. But myths ignore many things. They do not say that while he goes he may return to nothing. That he was not in time to save the kingdom. Or that someone else had saved it. They do not say that he left no kingdom. That it was already dead before he left and that there was nothing he could do to save it.

I finally get the outline of a plot, here. The old lady is going to travel to save the kingdom, or try to, in some unspecified way. At least that sets up some intrigue as to what she is going to do and why.

Last edited by Phoenix Lazarus; 10-23-2016 at 10:56 PM..
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