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Old 02-16-2016, 02:16 AM
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Default Awaken Yourself (Why Are We Here?)

Hello again, I have not been here in a couple of years. However, I have been wanting to write a book based on recent events and research in my life. I am an entrepreneur, Student Physicist, Quantum mechanics student and religious studies.


This is a story Inspired by true invents in my life, real science, theory, philosophy & historical bullet points.

© cover work in progress

"Whoever undertakes to set himself up as judge in the field of truth and knowledge is shipwrecked by the laughter of the Gods." -Albert Einstein
Chapter 1: Rich Living to Near Death
chapter 2: Unheard Bang
Chapter 3: Coma
Chapter 4: From the Ocean
Chapter 5: Loosing it
Chapter 6: Dead trees & Roots of evil
Chapter 7: ?
Chapter 8: ?
Chapter 9: ?.....

Chapter 1: Rich Living to Near Death

I woke up. I did not dream the night before, in-fact I never have dreams anymore. What are dreams anyway and do they really even matter? No, I have work waiting for me and need to get to the shop. I need to make some money.

After getting ready and rushing down the steps from my apartment to the street, I had reached the door to my pawn shop. Being an entrepreneur is great, however is consuming my life and thoughts. As I walked into the shop I turned my phone on and immediately had 8 voice messages, probably from customers wanting to sell valuables for quick cash. I got the cash register ready… Money, it’s what I am here for.. it is my purpose. At-least I think.

Throughout the day I had dealt with some regular customers, some new ones and have had some intense negotiations and over all made an excellent profit. As night hit I closed up the shop, grabbed some beers from the refrigerator and got my pre-drink on before I went to my usual bar down the street. After my girl was ready, we hit the bar.

We were there all night, until closing and we were wasted, well… if I could get wasted anymore. I popped a few pills and we invited a couple friends back from the bar to the pawn shop for an after party. We had some fun, playing with the merchandise, blasting the music from my BOSE system, and had an excellent time. Time to wrap it up and go to bed, with my girl.

The next day I woke up, once again waking up was somewhat of a struggle, no hang-over, just slow. No dreams the night before either. I can’t even remember the last time I had a dream. But it doesn’t matter, because they are not important right?

As usual, I got ready… turned my phone on and had 12-15 voicemails waiting for me. I got a stack of bills out for the cash register, got ready and opened up shop. Once again, I had highs throughout the day with intense transactions and negotiations. I was ready to stop feeling the stress of work early and start partying.

Before I decided to even drink a beer and close up, my twin brother stopped by the shop. He was not looking well, I hope he is doing better than the last time I had talked to him 2 months ago. He looks kind of sick. “how is it going chris” I ask.
“Fine, I need to use your restroom, can I use the one in your apartment?”
“Sure” I replied.

As he left the shop and walked up to my apartment, I was starting to close up. I waited for chris to come back, I have not seen him in a while, I would really like to talk to him to see how he has been. I know he has been struggling with girl problems, money… and just life in general. He’s a great guy, genuinely nice. I try to help him as much as I can with money here and there.

A half hour passed and I was closed up, he was still not back… Is he even still up in the apartment? I locked up the shop and walked up the stair way to my apartment. At the top of the steps, where the kitchen was, there he laid on the floor not moving with a needle sticking out of his arm. He was not moving. There was a brick of heroin on the table.

‘’Fuck” I was lost for words. It was instinct I ran for my phone, and called up my mother and the ambulance, he was not breathing. I’m not even aware if he is alive or not. There my twin was on the floor with when the paramedics came, with a handful of police.

They hit my brother with Narcan, a drug that is supposed to push heroin out of your system. They bagged him up and put him on a stretcher. The police asked what had happened and I had told them, I had not known he was in my apartment doing heroin. They could see the genuine look and concern on my face and believed me. I followed the police out as the ambulance sped off with my brother in the back.

After the police left, and my mother that I called followed the ambulance to the hospital, I was still shocked. I was confused. There are no words to explain it, It was almost like looking at a blank slate of feelings, scared but numb. Like it’s a human defense, denial.

I can’t believe what was going on, I had to open a couple of beers and drink them, I wanted to end the confusion and pain. Was I wrong for this? What is going on with my brother at the hospital? I ended up calling my mother an hour or so later and they told me they had hit him with Narcan and it worked so they released him. He was in the car with him on the way back to her house, he felt tired and not well so when he got home he went to sleep.

Wow, thank god he is ok. Thank god… funny I never really have believed in a god lately. But he is ok, that was scary. I ended up calling it a night early, I did not go to the bar that night, I just stayed home with my girl and we talked. We talked about what happened, we had mixed emotions that we had talked about. But he was ok.

The next morning, once again I was slow at waking up… no dreams. I turned my phone on, and I noticed not only did I have voicemails from customers, one of the numbers was my Mothers, so I called her back. She told me that chris would not wake up, and that the ambulance was there bagging him up again and taking him to the hospital.

“What”?!? I did not even think why, that he was fine last night, but he would not wake up the next morning after getting released from the hospital. What the hell.. I was more emotional this time. I know I had cried. I had deep feeling of remorse and pain.

I ended up getting a ride from my mother to the hospital, where chris was. They had him in the ER, he was hooked up to machines and not responding. My mom was standing there crying historically. I wasn’t. I felt numb, shocked and confused. The nurses kept glancing at us with a look of concern on their face. I did not know what his condition was completely, they would not say, they were dealing with him while we waited outside of his room.

Next.. The life support chopper landed outside of the hospital… Chris was not responding. They were going to fly him to another hospital, he needed immediate expert care. I was numb up until I saw them bag him up again and put him on the stretcher and rush him off to the helicopter. Then, the tears came.. I wanted to fall to my knees in pain but I didn’t, I was still in shock. Was he dead?

Chapter 2: Unheard Bang

Bang. There was no one around to hear it. None the less the frequency of the sound was there just no ears around tuned into that frequency to interpret it. It was smaller than a green pea, an atom. Everything that is in our universe today, you, me your dog, the planet and the stars were all once condensed to the size of a single point – the singularity.

Everything in the universe including you is made up of energy - particles. The universe did not grow into something, the universe expanded into what it is today. There was just as much energy at the time of the big bang as there is today. All this matter made up of particles or energy that is here today was once compressed to a super-hot condensed state.

In the first Second up until 300,000 years of this explosion (or inflation) the universe was a mixture of particles and quarks that were too hot and dense to form atoms or charged electrons. With no charged electrons there was no light. After that up until about 1 billion years, the universe became less dense allowing atoms to form and allowed light to come into existence.

1 Billion years after the bang and after all these particles have been rapidly bouncing off of each other, Gravity had made gasses condense to form galaxies. Stars were born within these galaxies from the condensing of gasses by gravity.

The reaction of the particles and atoms within the stars would create new material or particles. After stars died and exploded about 15 billion years had passed. Planets and new stars were created from the material that had been thrown into space from the original stars.

The planet earth was born and intelligent life had evolved into human beings. Eventually in (1894) a man named Georges Lemaitre was born that came up with the theory of the expanding universe or Big Bang Theory.

Because everything in the universe was all once at a single point it is important to mention that Albert Einstein found a phenomenon in which you are to combine two particles and then separate them; the distance (space and time) between the two does not matter for information or data transmitted between the two will be sent instantly and faster than the speed of light.

If a conscious observer measures one of the particles that were once entangled and forces it to spin clockwise, the other particle will instantly react – Faster than the speed of light. The other particle that was once entangled will automatically start spinning in the opposite direction - counterclockwise. This is called quantum entanglement.

Quantum entanglement or “spooky action at a distance” was first mentioned by Albert Einstein in 1935, in a joint paper with Boris Podolsky and Nathan Rosen.

Life on earth had evolved so much and brought some of the most intelligent people into existence. 16 billion years after the un heard Bang, today scientists are now able to use radio telescopes to hear what was once un heard by human ears - the big bang.

Chapter 3: Coma

The car ride was mostly silent as we drove an hour to the hospital that he was flown to. Life, the road and scenery had a surreal new perspective. He was in an intensive care unit (ICU) on the north wing of the massive hospital.

When we reached his room It was nearly 5pm. Looking at him, he had machines attached on every part of his body which made it hard to see him clearly. He was un-stable and dying and we were not allowed in the room while the doctors worked on him. Throughout the night while being unconscious he would go back and forth of being hardly stable and near death.

That night in the waiting room of the ICU, we all stayed – given blankets but unable to sleep. I was there until the next day, when they had my brother in a stabilized condition. Well, he was stable for now… but in a Coma. I ended up staying until around 4pm and left with my sister and my girl (Lauren). My mother continued to stay at the hospital as I left crying thinking that he was dead… or dying. I felt people may have looked at me oddly for this while leaving the hospital but I did not care.

As a twin in your 20’s the thought that your twin brother will die before you never really crosses your mind. I mean we were born on the same day and naturally I had thought that we should live to be relatively the same age. It’s something that I had never given much of any thought too.

I slept the next two days only waking up to call my mother who was down in the city to check on Chris’s status. During this time I had odd dreams that is difficult or impossible to put into words, however were about my brother and about him waking up from his coma and talking to me.

Sadly those dreams would never come true. I made another trip down to the hospital a couple days later. We were sitting in a room containing a rectangular table, with 7 doctors on the one side and my mom, sister, Lauren and I on the other. They basically told us that Chris would not recover and that he would be like this his entire life. Even if he was able to be taken out of the coma he will not be able to talk or move. There is no way of communicating with him. I will never forget this day, it's almost like looking at the back of my hand.

My brother and I were a lot closer when we were kids. You know the odd thing about being a kid is that you have a great imagination and / or maybe just a purer bond with your siblings? I don’t know. I mention this because when we were younger my brother and I truly believed that we would have the same dreams on the same night. Often we would wake up in the morning and talk about our dreams that we had. Many times we would share with each other how we communicated with one and another in the same dream. Was it possible?

Either I lost my ignorant magical imagination that I had as a kid in order to do this skeptical phenomenon or we just went our separate ways in life. In light of the recent circumstances, I am desperate to communicate with my twin in this way, but it is not possible anymore. I will not be able to talk to him again, at least I do not believe so.

I did not work much over the next couple of weeks while my brother was in his coma. I did however go to the office when I was able to and only took in customers that I knew well or grew up with. Often I would do research on the internet about medical issues related to Chris’s case.

I had read up on stories of near death experiences and people that have survived being in a Coma. Apparently... and today I know this to be true - people who are in Coma’s may know at times what is going on around them “their physical body”, they may hear what is going on around them or they may even see what is going on around them even though their eyes are closed. This is somewhat do to the phenomenon of an out of body
experience. I went throughout the weeks researching comas and OBE’s. Amazingly most people that have these experiences have similar stories. “Seeing themselves outside of their body”… seeing a bright light, or going through a tunnel.

The description of the out of body experience cannot be described accurately with words due to the fact that it is not a “physical” human experience. It is almost like trying to describe a color to someone who had been blind since birth. I know this is true because I have experience an OBE, however we will not get into that until later in the story.

About 1 month later Chris was out of his Coma, though he could not talk nor move nor communicate in anyway. I am always under the impression that he is in pain – constantly. He has that look on his face. This eats me alive because there is nothing that I am able to do to help him.

During this time of grief I actually quit drinking, taking any mind altering substances and maintained sobriety for the most part. However when It was time to open my business back up, I did start sliding downhill into drinking a drug use again. I was numbing myself and self-medicating, however this time I started taking pills and drinking at work during work hours and a lot of the time after just waking up.

Researching, physics, sciences, consciousness, space and religious studies have become a daily thing in my life. I had always researched and been intrigued by these topics, but never at the level I had taken it too. Adderall would keep me up 3 days in a row to run my business and study.

Besides staying up for days at a time, working and studying I would still go to the bar and party every once in a while. The use of drugs had gotten out of control. I had never been like this in my life. Actually I had been very responsible at managing money and starting my pawn shop / growing it from the ground up. I had done a very well job at growing the business and it would soon be more than what my original plans had been for it if I continued to run it.

From The Ocean:

“Space and time are the framework within which the mind is constrained to construct its experience of reality.”
― Immanuel Kant

The earth was formed. However this earth was very different from the one we know today. It was being bombarded with asteroids and commits. Some of these commits had ice or particles that gave us our water molecules. The combination and different commits gave us our diverse material on earth.

Then, we were hit by a huge asteroid, in which it was large enough to knock a quarter of the earth away and flung it into a scattered debris orbit around our planet. Due to gravity, this debris eventually clung together and entered an orbit to form our moon.

Eventually, and after many changes in the earth, and it’s atmosphere, organic material formed into one cell organisms in the bottom of our oceans by heat vents. The single celled organisms eventually got more complex and flooded our oceans.

From extreme diversity and mutations of these cells, plant material started to form at the edges of the oceans, where algae like life form gathered. The oceans and parts of the planet was full of simple life form. However, the earth would undergo catastrophic events multiple times and wipe this life out, to which it would only survive in the deepest parts of the oceans by the hot vents.

The severe changing of earth and atmosphere over billions of years forced this simple life to adapt and survive, slight variations of this life or mutations allowed the best suited life to survive in the time period. Life was evolving, changing and mutating on small scales over the course of huge time frames.
Eventually, certain life forms were able to start spending more and more time out of the water, and because of natural selection and evolution… eventually these life forms were able to breed to form permanent land creatures.

During all of this process, simple creatures that started becoming more complex would grow sense organs. Creatures that had slight mutations and grew eyes, ears, and touch for instance.. though it may have been a genetic mutation, were more adaptable and fit for survival, because they were able to see predators or prey. By being better survivors, they would soon outnumber the not so fit to survive and were able to breed more ofter than the less advanced or fit creatures… making the traits more frequent upon life forms.

To give an example, on a more recent note of how this works; we’ll use an example of a simple mutation such as an albino type mutation. Before there were polar bears, there were brown bears. When brown bears entered snowy regions like like the North Pole, prey would be able to spot them easy because of their fur color. Predators were also able to see them easier than polar bears.

When a mutation occurred and produced a white furred brown bear, it was better suited to survive in that region because it’s fur blended in with the snow giving it an advantage. Since it was better fit to survive it would breed more often and it’s genes were passed down more often than the brown fur. Thus polar bears were born.

Over the billions of years of evolution, we have been handed down the best suited jeans that are necessary to survive on this planet. We have sense organs, that we use to interpret the world in which we live. Though we perceive the world through our senses, this does not make the way we perceive things the correct or only way.

Other animals have evolved slightly differently than humans. For instance if you were a mosquito, you would see the world in infrared light. Infrared is a part of the light spectrum that humans are not able to see, though it mainly shows heated areas such as veins, for a mosquito their field of vision would skip the light spectrum that humans are able to see “the visible light spectrum.” This for them almost makes our skin invisible, so that they can see our veins, an essential part of survival for them.

As humans, anything we see is in the visible light spectrum. The electromagnetic scale is what makes up everything in the universe, as well as gravity. It is all energy in a wave form. This should make us wonder, if some animals have evolved to see in infrared, could some others have evolved to see radio waves or gamma rays? Some other species that have evolved to see in infrared are vampire bats, bed bugs, and some snake and beetle species.

Have you ever had a pet such as a dog or cat that seemed to star at things that were not there? Have you ever heard of stories that they can sense things that are not there? Well, maybe they are there but not to our perception. A new study shows Dogs and cats are able to see into the ultraviolet part of the electromagnetic spectrum. This allows the animals to see in wavelengths invisible to the human eye.

Reindeer also see their environment in ultraviolet light as well. This same ability is employed by other animals, such as hedgehogs, ferrets, bats and several other rodents. Many other animals, such as fish and birds, were known to see these wavelengths of light. This study was the first to show this ability exists in cats, dogs or rodents.

Chapter 5: Loosing it

Six months had passed since Chris had overdosed. He is now living with my mother at her house in a hospital bed. He is still un-able to move or talk.

Back at the shop, business had returned to somewhat of a normal pace. I was still fighting with my addiction on a daily bases. I had also noticed, though they would not come out and say it – that some of my customers were also dealing with an addiction. Most times, they would sell things that meant a-lot to them in order to support their drug habit. I feel like many of these addicts had no choice in the matter. I saw that addiction affected all types of people: business men, justice system workers, hardworking individuals and the poor. Addiction was something that could affect anyone at any time.

How many of these customers that I was serving had a drug problem? Often times I would not notice that they had a problem until they became a regular customer and I grew some type of relationship with them. Was I doing them any-kind of favor by giving them money?

One day I had a regular come in that I knew had a history of drug use. She also had kids. Emily came in wanting to sell a laptop computer and told me that it was for food for her children. I also knew the signs and had known that it was very possible she was sick from heroin or opioid withdrawal. Was it possible that she needed money for just the heroin, or maybe both heroin and food for her kids? Yes it was very possible. If she had no money for heroin then it was very likely she had no money for food either.

At the time I had been going to drug and alcohol counseling and had a therapist that gave me a paper to read. The paper was on how drug addiction changed neuro pathways in the brain so that drugs were as high as a priority for survival as food.

The paper showed that the normal primitive brain instincts were: Kill >Eat > Sex. However, when drug dependence was achieved the brain changed to a pattern of: Drugs > Kill > Eat > Sex. So the primitive brain actually thought that drugs were more important to survival. It’s not that the user had actually believed that drugs were more important to survival than food, but the subconscious.. Un-conscious decision making believed this. Anyone that had been in severe withdrawal may relate to this and understand.

Certain drugs you can actually die from the withdrawal process so in a sense the drugs will become more important than food for survival. Others may not be able to get out of bed or rock back and forth in pain until they get the drug they need.

What I was doing and owning my pawn shop started to take tole on me. I did not want to be responsible for people and supporting some-ones drug habit, however it was also difficult to decide whether or not to turn someone down and not give them money. Especially when there might be hungry kids that might go even hungrier without the money. No one will ever come-out and say that they needed the money for drugs so if you were to turn people down, it might be for the wrong reasons.

Once this pawn shop had been the most important thing in my life. It still was but I had a moral awakening and some kind of problem with the decisions I had to make. I had no plans of closing down the business, but I had tried exploring options that would help better the circumstances. Though I never found a successful approach.

My drug addiction / un-resolved pain had gotten the better of me and I ended up making a decision to close the business, though it was somewhere in the middle of me actually making that choice and not being able to operate it anymore.
At one point or another, I had asked myself… what is more important, money or love? I had always thought money was a higher priority of course.
But actually, money is almost meaningless. It is paper. In the USA now-days completely backed by nothing but public perception – it’s value.
Here’s a quick history lesson on where paper money came from:
Going far back countries and people used to trade important goods such as sugar, beans and precious metals without the need of paper money. These things were important because they held a real value to them. Sugar at times was actually worth more than gold.

When countries got a little more modern and established, people used to trade or use gold bullion to purchase stuff. However because gold was heavy to carry, the first banks used to accept gold in exchange of a “Paper” note or notes saying how much that person had in the bank. People would simple exchange the note or money and take it to the bank to retrieve the gold.

Over time people would more often have the paper notes instead of the gold. Banks caught on to the fact that not everybody would be coming back to retrieve the gold at one time and so they decided they could start lending out more money or “notes” than the bank actually had in gold.

On June 5, 1933, the United States went off the gold standard, a monetary system in which currency is backed by gold, when Congress enacted a joint resolution nullifying the right of creditors to demand payment in gold.

After 1933, the united stated dollar was no longer backed by anything, it was in fact just paper that had a public perception of a value.

Nowadays, ironically instead of it being the norm to actually trade gold, If you want to trade gold in the united states, such as I did with my pawn shop, you need to have a License to do so.

When I had eventually closed down my business, without going into detail I lost my savings. Closing the shop was hard But it also eased my mind knowing that maybe I would be able to take a different approach at being an entrepreneur. For now however, I needed to go to rehab.

“Addiction is A spiritual disease.”
― Carl Gustav Jung (1875-1961)

Her dad dropped me off at the rehab. We hugged, kissed and said our goodbyes then I entered. The first couple of nights in detox, having a sober mind and laying in my hotel like room, bored I began to reflect on how I got there. I was a motivated individual and intelligent. I never would have thought I could let my addiction get the better of me. I never thought I could let drugs take over my life. In fact I used to think that people who let drugs destroy their lives and take over were weak minded and not goal orientated, though looking at my current position, my brother and dealings at the pawn shop over the years knew that this was not the case. Before letting my addiction get to this point, I had tried quitting frequently with short term successes, though always with some sort of relapse. I had tried using brute force and determination/willpower but through rehab will find out these alone are not enough.

At this point and even within the past couple of years, I grew to hate drugs with a passion – for I saw what they did to me, my brother, people’s lives and hard earned business. I was kicking myself in the ass daily to the point I contemplated suicide upon waking up in the mornings. Rehab for me was my last hope and I was in need of a miracle.

Soon after detox I started attending many meetings and classes throughout the day. I would meet the people, learn the steps and program as well as listen to speakers. In every meeting I attended, people would refer to their addiction as a disease, which I had heard many times before, but did not fully understand. I did however associate the concept to the paper my old drug and alcohol counselor gave me to read on how neuropathways in the brain had changed over time of using, and when drug dependence was achieved, the subconscious mind/ primitive area of the brain, changed from kill-eat-sex to drugs-kill-eat-sex, which could make sense associated to a disease concept but I was missing the whole picture.

I learned some of this in rehab but did not find most of the following information until I dug deeper with extensive research later in life. In 1933 Dr Bob founded AA, and he believed that addiction was a disease of the brain. It wasn’t until 1956 however that the national medical association, declared and recognizes addiction as a disease. Later still in the century scientists started to have some kind of physical picture of what was happening in the brain. Over time and duration of drug use, drugs which stimulate feel good neurotransmitters (Dopamine) and (serotonin) – interactions with primitive regions – subconscious reward center, changes the brains architecture or neuropathways. This in turn changes subconscious unconscious decision making and drug cravings. The region is in a sense “High jacked” and unconsciously fights with and may overpower the conscious reasoning/decision making area in the frontal lobe, the newer area in relation to the brains evolution. There is also a certain population more susceptible to this in the population.

Also interesting and relevant to this is the famous Psychiatrist, Doctor and worker at the US office of strategic services, Carl Gustav Jung (1875-1961) believed that addiction was a spiritual disease.

In the program at rehab, while getting to know the people in meetings, I listened to their story and started to see a common pain in their eyes and their faces. When I heard them talk, and their stories, I saw the addiction and a commonality, hardly any of them were bad people – if any at all. I noticed a change in my perspective, I had started to care about the people, if it makes sense I cared about the disease and saw the disease that I was afraid of. I saw behind the faces the hurt that was in me – the addiction that destroyed lives and brought people to the bottom or end of the road. Not only did I get to know these strangers, since I had lost everything – my assets and back accounts, I humbled myself in order to allow these people to help me with cigarettes and such – A small but drastic change, for the first time in many years, I was in need of support of stranger – that were generous and caring – rather than strangers in need of my help at the pawn shop. A new light shined on people that I had not seen in a long time.

One day, getting off the elevator on the third floor of the building, I remember a distinct feeling, A time and feeling I remember vividly for I remember trying to describe to myself what was going on, when I got there I felt like a lost and drifting soul, however multiple times including this instant felt that maybe it was the miracle I was looking for. This feeling was something like that of the sun coming out on a very nice summer day and warming my soul after countless years. Was it God? It sure did feel like god or a spiritual awakening, though being a man that believed in facts and logic, business and statistics, thinking all there is to man is body and mind, dismissed this thought of god as an adjustment in my brain chemistry. I kept asking myself though, is it God? Why was I using the word god to try and describe this feeling of awakening? The program, involves God, spirituality and “Higher Power” throughout the text and of the steps. Speakers at meetings also advertised the vital importance of a higher power in order to succeed in recovery.
As I stepped off the elevator, on my way to speak to my counselor I was feeling very conflicted about the whole thing – According to the program, I needed to find a higher power to succeed. I passed a sign in the hallway with an arrow labeled “spirituality office”, on the way opened the door and I sat down in his office.
“Hey Nick, how is it going” he asked.
“Well.” I said “I’m having a problem with finding a higher power, I’m taking the program seriously, but as I said before I do not believe in god.”
He explained to me that a higher power does not need to be god that it just needs to be a power greater than yourself, something to take you out of yourself. “A lot of people that have had this problem, have used AA and NA meetings – Their home group as their higher power, but I recommend praying – as the power of prayer is important.”

We did some paperwork that I came there to do and looking at the star wars memorabilia around his office and on his desk, decided he might have some interest in theoretical physics and decided it was a safe question to ask “are you familiar with the observer effect in quantum mechanics”? He looked at me for a second before he replied and said “I’ve heard a little about it why?” “ well” I continue “There is something going on with consciousness or a person that makes me think we’re made of more than just body and mind, that maybe there is something to spirituality”.

Then I went on to explain that there is a relationship going on with an observer – or consciousness and the physical world. That is consciousness effects matter, shown by proven experiments. You see at the end of the 19th century physicists thought they had a pretty good grasp on the world, though incomplete. Then along came max plank the father of quantum mechanics, he and other giants in physics found that energy – which makes up the entire universe, all matter comes in the form of packets or quanta at the subatomic or (quantum level) which seems to be effected by consciousness. Quantum mechanics not only showed that our understanding of reality was not only incorrect, it shook physics to it’s core. To name a few minds at the for front of this new, bizarre and strange world was Max Plank, Edward Schrodinger and Einstein.

Extra chapters toward the end of the book.

Chapter Something: What is Evil?

I have pondered this question for a while now. I have tried finding the answer in them? People give meaning to words; so where did the word evil come from?

Depending on who you ask, the definition of the word evil will be different. However the root of the word Evil was originally created in the 13th century by the Anglo-Saxons who were a people that inhabited Great Britain from the 5th religions or the bible, in which they mostly give a simple unsatisfying explanation - The Devil.

On a more solid note, I have tried looking at the question from the core. What is the root of evil? How do people perceive the word evil and what does it mean to century.

The online dictionary tells us:
__________________________________________________ ____________
"Evil"). The noun is O.E. yfel. "In OE., as in all the other early Teut. langs., exc. Scandinavian, this word is the most comprehensive adjectival expression of disapproval, dislike or disparagement"
__________________________________________________ ____________

I had asked my aunt who is Cristian, what her definition of evil was. How did the devil for her present its way into life? Her first answer was “the intentional act of doing someone else harm.”

Because she is spiritual, I have asked her if there could be any type of supernatural evil that plays in life that would seem evil does not have to be an intentional thing. I asked her if what happened to Chris was evil? Was the devil at work?

My aunt was also in a car accident at one point and got hit by a car as she tried walking across the road, to which she suffered a great deal over. I asked her if that was an evil act. Was that an evil force in this world that caused her suffering? She said that the driver did not intentionally do it, but she believed there was some form of evil at work.

I feel from the synonyms and definitions or people’s perception that the root of evil ends up being the feelings or the act of suffering weather it is or is not intentional. Such as in disease and or some person / creature hurting another or an act of war.

Do animals feel pain? Are they conscious? Will an animal feel pain if one of its relatives die? I believe so. Animals are witnessed mourning over the deaths of close relationships. Humans, animals feel pain. Any act of evil can be defined with some form of pain or negative feeling being felt.

. Was there evil before life? Before life started on this planet, or any other, there was just the universe creating itself. The earth was formed and the universe did not feel pain. A star that is burning does not have feelings, it is just pure energy. Dramatic events happen in our universe all the time with the transfer of huge amounts of energy. No pain is felt.

There was just pure being of energy before life. Once life started to evolve, it would kill to survive, eat and evolve. Feelings and brain chemistry are an important part of the evolution process for survival of the fittest to take place. Without feelings, we would be defenseless in nature.

If we feel no pain, we would have less of a desire to live. It is the act of not wanting to feel pain, to survive. If you touch a hot stove, you will learn not to touch it again, because the pain tells you that it is dangerous. If there was no danger perceived, we would be less equipped to survive. We feel pain when others die, because evolution taught us to feel this pain so that we would fight to keep the precious and rare life in the universe alive.

We are here by killing and surviving. Humans and other creatures had evolved by survival of the fittest and eating one another. We created evil. Evil comes from the feeling of pain and suffering that can only be felt by something alive and is an important part of evolution.

In-fact, to live is to be evil. Evolution shows us that. We killed and concurred to survive, so that we would create the strongest, most efficient life able to further the evolution process. We caused pain and suffering to be here. We cause feelings of evil to live. We are evil and we create the meaning of evil. Only consciousness can create meaning to anything. We interpret the world through our senses and our feelings give meaning to it. Ironically, to spell (Live) backwards; is evil.

No one likes evil, and we are at an important part of our evolution where we can change the evolutionary path, making things more efficient like evolution is supposed to do. Evil is no longer important in our survival or evolutionary growth.

Like every cell in our body works together to create the next level of consciousness or being – the person or creature, we need to work together to achieve the next level of consciousness or being, we are at a point where evil no longer accomplishes anything for survival and evolution. Technology is at the next step in evolution and we do not need to suffer, we can create a higher level of consciousness without the need of evil.

Structure, content is there… maybe start it out as if we ponder the question, or what most people think evil is. Slowly get into the answer.

Another Chapter toward the end of the book.

Chapter Something: Awakening

“The whole is more than the sum of its parts” - Aristotle

I was hurt and in pain. I was asking myself, what was the point in suffering? Why do we suffer? My brother was suffering a horrible fate to which seemed pointless. I had to find the answer to the question.

On an extreme note, atomic bombs were dropped on millions of people in world war 2 and flattened cities. In those bombings had to have been thousands of infants and or toddlers to which had never committed a sin, yet suffered a horrible fate. They had definitely not deserved what had happened. Was there some kind of mass geographical sin or evil present in that area that had to be destroyed?

Why would god bring new born infants into this world just to make them suffer a horrible fate? What was the point of them being here? What was the point in their suffering? It seemed kind of pointless. Was there a meaning to all of this at all?

An all mighty powerful god should not allow this to happen. How could he watch his creation suffer? Where was he? When would he return? Was their lives not important enough for the return of Christ? Are some lives more important than others? I don’t believe so, especially since the infants were innocent and yet had chance to grow up. It was mass murder on a huge scale.

The god that I had known as a kid had been slipping away from me for a while. Reality had started to really set in. People were asleep and they were praying to someone whom they believed lived in the clouds. I was starting to wake up.

God is supposed to be the mighty and the omega, the divine. God does not live in the universe, for the universe would then surround god. To live in the universe god would have to be smaller than the universe, yet there is nothing more powerful no more divine than the universe itself. The universe would then be greater, to quote Aristotle, the whole is greater than the sum of it’s parts. To me, and to any other pantheists such as Einstein – this would make the universe god. Not a personal god, just divine.

A while back I had come up with a theory of information and trial and error theory. It is based on the fact that everything in the universe that is made up of energy – is essentially information. When particles collide with one another, or objects, it transfers energy and that energy or (information is transferred).

Trial and error, is kind of like Darwin’s natural selection and evolution. Evolution and time moves forward and it tries to find the best way of doing things. It keeps what works, and for the most part what does not work gets destroyed. I believe the laws of physics were created this way. It was said without gravity or the condition of most physics, if they were any different none of this would exist and everything would fly apart. I believe before the universe had these physics, that either in another universe or before or in the big bang, things were still trying to work itself out. The universe had got things wrong, but the physics that worked stuck around and concurred just like evolution does.

What is the point of suffering? Well obviously the universe got something wrong. Just like what is evil; life is still evolving and our consciousness is putting meaning and suffering to these events that used to just be pure and raw energy before life began. The universe is still working itself out. Suffering is essential to evolution.

Everything in the universe is made up of the same thing – star dust or particles. We are all made up of the universe. We are essentially a part of the universe. We are the universe looking at itself and learning about itself.

Infect- by that definition, we are the universe teaching itself, we are teaching ourselves the best way of doing things. We are teaching ourselves what does and does not work. It’s evolution and it’s trial and error. We are suffering for a cause, suffering shows us that it’s the wrong way and we can no longer do it that way. It allows us to grow stronger and change. It allows us to evolve.

Our self-aware consciousness had evolved to a point where we could help speed up the evolution process. We are rapidly evolving and we are evolving faster than any point in history. The universe is evolving.

____billion years of evolution on this planet, humans were created 40,000 some years ago and just within the last 400 years we had nearly tripled our life expectancy, created the internet, phone, ways in which to communicate instantly across the world, been through an industrial revolution and started the information age. This is evolution accelerating.

If everything is made of energy, and e=mc2 is correct. Then no energy is ever lost, only transferred from one state to another. We may die, but our energy is never lost, it is only disbursed back into the ocean of possibilities and the energy is recycled and stored for the future. Your body may decay into the ground, but no energy is lost, only transferred from on state to another. The information that we are made of did not die. The universe is learning, evolving, recycling itself and is alive.

Last edited by MY_NAME; 01-30-2018 at 08:28 PM.. Reason: Added chapters
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