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Old 10-13-2014, 02:55 PM
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Alligrace797 (Offline)
I Am My Own Master
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Originally Posted by max crash View Post
have you considered that you can't lose an identity, well in the sense your speaking. you are who you are with the changes your world has forced on you. your identity is deep inside, it not the meat-suit you wear on the outside or even the mental character that your speech tells everyone you are.

are you looking for happiness
do you think it even exist except in fleeting burst.

no, those are all the wrong questions, the right one is - are you happy?

again I will say this is a well developed character, and if you want to tweak it further - you know my address.

look forward to the full story, maybe a few chapters at a time, never mind I think I would like to read the whole thing or most of it before I start the... whatever

I lost my identity when I moved to Rome. I became something that I hated and wished that I had never done but I also loved what I became. I became stronger, wilder, and a whole hell of a lot more independent than before. I was making my own rules and not answering to anyone. I spent a good chunk of my life in a job that made me sick and once I retired, I was reborn. If I become what Alex wants me to be, I won't be able to survive it. The girl that Alex fell in love with was optimistic, airheaded, and someone who cried a little too much. A gangly little thing that did what everyone else expected of her and never went for her own dreams and hopes. A meek little human dolphin whose only purpose was to be strong for the world around her. I suffered more pain around my so-called family than anyone should ever endure and when I finally married Alex, they threw me away like a piece of tissue. No phone calls. No emails. Cut off my income and left me homeless in a strange city. Petey(the blonde guy from before) always says that I push myself away from what I really want because If I get it, I'm afraid that I will lose it. Apparently in Petey's eyes, I am destroying myself because I don't feel that Alex is worthy of me. All of that could not be further from the truth, although Alex never did deserve me. I suppose someday that I will be that meek little girl again that Alex was soooo head over heels for, but it is not happening anytime soon. I am going to live my life to the fullest, be a good mom to my little girl, and do my own thing.

Sometimes I believe that I am happy while other times I am not. For a long time I believed that love would be my happiness. I learned otherwise after a million breakups, 4 divorces, and more heartache than a woman should ever feel. I loved Alex with every fiber of my being and a part of me always will, but I am never going to be what he wants of me. My happiness will never be Alex. I am happy whenever I see my little girl. Lily is bumbly and bright and gorgeous. Lily is the light of my world and the other piece of my heart. I would be dead if it wasn't for my kid. I live the way that I want to live and that makes me happy. Waking up every morning to a different man makes me happy. Going to a bar and getting tore up makes me happy. Alex hates the way I live but he doesn't own me anymore. Marriage is like prison, once you get in it, you can't wait to get out of it.

(I am trying my hardest to get something to you. It is just that my damn schedule now is so loopy.....uggh....grrr.)

Is everything all right with you? What's with the before I start the whatever?

Is it something serious? You can tell me in pm if you don't want to spill it out here.
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