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My entry for A Dark and Stormy Night contest-

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Old 03-16-2018, 11:37 AM
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Default My entry for A Dark and Stormy Night contest-


It was not a dark stormy night, it was a bright glary day when my hungry lover came to me. Daylight smoldered on his skin, and I feared for his life. But when his eyes appeared over the sill of the tower window and blazed at me with passion, I burned for his fire-y touch.
Into my darkened chamber his figure grew so all-encompassing that I swooned onto my bed, raising my arms to receive him. He smiled at my heaving breasts, embraced me, pushed his head hard against my throbbing neck. And he fed.

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Old 03-16-2018, 11:45 AM
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Twilight meets 50 shades of Grey? sounds like you're on your way to becoming a millionaire.
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Old 03-16-2018, 02:28 PM
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What contest exactly is this for? I would like to read up on their requirements and past acceptions before giving you a crit
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Old 03-17-2018, 10:16 AM
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I already entered it and didn't win. It was a local newspaper contest to use the dark and stormy words in 100 words. So I guess I just would like some suggestions as to style and possible extension. Or maybe I just wanted to put something on here, while I write the short story I'm still working on.
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Old 03-17-2018, 10:22 AM
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That line is famous for how terrible it is. Most contests use it to try and find the best worst example of purple prose. Yours was a bit purple, but not much.

My suggestion, would be to have more fun with this paragraph. Get eloquently ridiculous as it were.
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Old 03-17-2018, 11:11 AM
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Correct me if I'm wrong. The Dark and Stormy night contests is an homage to the opening line of PAUL CLIFFORD, where he rattled minutia about the weather rather than just saying "it was a dark and stormy night". In that vain, wouldn't it be better to delve into an excessive and unnecessary level of detail that's more distracting than helpful?
It was a bright glary day and sizzling blades of white light seared from the ocher sun in intermittent blasts that ricocheted off polished chrome and bleached the pavement to pale gray.
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Old 03-17-2018, 11:17 AM
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Yep, as purple as it comes. I love bad story writing prompts. Sometimes its fun to do it purple
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Old 03-17-2018, 04:27 PM
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https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/It_was...d_stormy_night

I thought I got pretty purple... Oh, there is a set of books in which contests of this kind were published. I remembered buying them for a nephew awhile back.
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Old 03-17-2018, 04:37 PM
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Look at what Spshane did. Distractful,writing.
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Old 03-18-2018, 06:21 PM
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It was a dark and stormy night. All of the pirates were gathered around the fire.

One one the pirates said "Captain, tell us a story."

The Captain began: "It was a dark and stormy night, and the pirates were gathered around the fire...."
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