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Contest Results l Non-Fiction l Description (Nov 2007)

 
 
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  #1  
Old 11-29-2007, 11:00 AM
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Default Contest Results l Non-Fiction l Description (Nov 2007)


Mastering description will put you far ahead of the game in the writing world. The three entrants to this month's contest proved that they are not only developing this skill but also succeeding in their efforts. Well done, everyone!

Congratulations to gary_wagner for the endearing description of his newly adopted (unbeknownst to her) grandmother.

Gary, as with most things in life, your win also comes with a downside. We on the staff have decided to make a slight rule change for all contests going forward. If you win a contest, you will not be able to enter the following month's contest for that category. You are welcome to submit entries for the other categories in which you did not also win.

gary_wagner 18.875
Tau 16
puresnow 14.75


Originally Posted by Icarus View Post
Member: puresnow
Title: My Student

Mechanics: 4/5
Intangibles: 4/5
Overall Impression: 7/10

I can envision this child, and I like how you tied this exercise to a personal experience. However, there’s no extra spark to make me say, “Wow, I could be there in that room. I could be making that same mistake.”

Score: 15/20

*****

Member: gary_wagner
Title: Random Grandma

Mechanics: 4.5/5
Intangibles: 4.5/5
Overall Impression: 9/10

Very nice description! Not only was it real and precise, you put it together in a way that gradually gave me a full picture, piece by piece, as opposed to throwing it at me at once.

Score: 18/20

*****

Member: Tau Worlock
Title: Parting the crowd

Mechanics: 4/5
Intangibles: 4/5
Overall Impression: 8/10

There’s a basis for a good descriptive scene here, but I feel like you failed to capture enough detail. I was confused by the discrepancy between the reference to children and the fact that she is 14, not a child in my eyes. Also, I think the narrator could have spent less time doubting himself (“But what do I know.”).

Score: 16/20
Originally Posted by Mridula View Post
Member: Puresnow
Title: My Student

Mechanics: 3/5
Intangibles: 4/5
Overall Impression: 7/10

Comments:This was a really nice story, but I didn't really connect with it. As description was the call this month, you managed it quite well. I cut point in Mechanics due to a few SPAG problems.

Score: 14/20
-------

Member: gary_wagner
Title: Random Grandma

Mechanics: 5/5
Intangibles: 5/5
Overall Impression: 9/10
Comments: Once again,Gary, you've stepped up to the mark. Your description was done beautifully. As always, this was an enjoyable read.

Score: 19/20
--------


Member: Tau Worlock
Title: Parting the Crowd

Mechanics: 3/5
Intangibles: 5/5
Overall Impression: 9/10
Comments: What a brilliant tale, Tau! I can hardly believe it is true. You have written it very well, except for a few issues with tenses and some typos. Other than that, I have no complaints. Good job!

Score: 17/20
Originally Posted by aprilrain View Post
Member: puresnow
Title: My Student

Mechanics: 3/5
Intangibles: 4/5
Overall Impression: 8/10

The grammatical errors and tense shifts were a little distractng, but this is a good example of a thorough description. The added humor of the mistaken gender issue was a plus.

Score: 15/20

*****

Member: gary_wagner
Title: Random Grandma

Mechanics: 4.5/5
Intangibles: 5/5
Overall Impression: 10/10

I loved everything about this. You gave a complete picture--her appearance, her mannerisms, and the perception she gave. I felt like I was sitting next to you and looking at her, too. This was very charming.

Score: 19.5/20

*****

Member: Tau Worlock
Title: Parting the crowd

Mechanics: 3.5/5
Intangibles: 4/5
Overall Impression: 8.5/10

I liked the tone and pacing of this, and I think this is one of the better things you have written. It is still raw and could use some tweaking, especially the grammatical and spelling errors. Also, the narrator's voice interrupts the flow of the description, as when he is not sure about braids. Otherwise, this has a lot of potential to develop into something strong.

Score: 16/20
Originally Posted by Cordatus View Post
Member: puresnow
Title: My Student

Mechanics: 4/5
Intangibles: 4/5
Overall Impression: 7/10

Comments: The writing flows well and the piece is generally well-written except for a few minor errors here and there. I didn't find it wholly gripping and I believe the ending can be written differently to better deliver the idea.

Score: 15/20.

---

Member: gary_wagner
Title: Random Grandma

Mechanics: 5/5
Intangibles: 5/5
Overall Impression: 9/10

Comments: Thank you for such a wonderful, somehow emotional read. If I were you, I would have bought her another muffin. (Though I don't think her granddaughter would like that very much.)

Score: 19/20

---

Member: Tau Worlock
Title: Parting the crowd

Mechanics: 4/5
Intangibles: 3/5
Overall Impression: 8/10

Comments: I think the emotion contained within this piece would be more effective if you polish the writing. The closing sentence is fitting to the general tone of the piece, and that is what I particularly liked.

Score: 15/20

---

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Old 11-29-2007, 12:52 PM
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Congrats, Gary. I really enjoyed reading your piece and could see the old lady as though I was there with you. So very well done, you!

Well done, too, to Tau and puresnow, for your wonderful contributions. Aren't we lucky at WB to have so much talent?
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  #3  
Old 11-30-2007, 11:03 AM
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Thank you, judges and QOW. I haven't had much time to get on this site much lately but I do enjoy challenges like this one.
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Old 11-30-2007, 11:30 AM
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Thanks very much, Judges and QoW.

I enjoyed writing this entry, and your comments inspire me to do better next time.

Puresnow
 

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