Go Back   WritersBeat.com > Writing Craft > Writing Help & Issues

Writing Help & Issues You name it, we solve it! Ask your questions here.

Is this story idea plausible?

Thread Tools
Old 09-08-2016, 09:55 PM
ironpony (Offline)
Intellectually Fertile
Official Member
Join Date: Aug 2015
Posts: 162
Thanks: 0
Thanked 1 Time in 1 Post
Default Is this story idea plausible?

I have written out almost my whole story, but there is one thing I keep coming back on that I cannot fix, and that is how the villains get away with their criminal predicament.

Basically for my story, which is a thriller set in modern times, a gang of villains are recruiting a new member, and they give him a 'blood in', which is a term used for when a gang tests a new recruit, by having him/her spill the blood of another person, or at least see if they will do it.

The gang in my story, wants to make sure that the new recruit is not be an undercover cop. So they put him through the blood in, but they do not want to put the man in a situation where he has to harm a real hostage. The reason is, is because if he is an undercover cop, and there could be other cops nearby, they would be up on kidnapping related charges, if they had a real hostage for the new recruit to harm.

So the gang decides to use one of it's own members, posing as a hostage, for the new recruit to pull the trigger on. But the gun will not be loaded. It will be loaded with a dummy round, that won't fire, in case the new recruit is an undercover cop. That way, if he is, and he tries to bust the gang, the hostage, will not testify against them, if she is rescued.

During the blood in test though, a real cop is patrolling the streets, and he gets a glimpse of two of the gang members search the new recruit for weapons and a wire. He sees that the new recruits are hiding their faces with sunglasses and hats, as well, to hide their faces from the new recruit.

After seeing that the new recruit is clean, the gang takes him to the place where they are holding one of their own members, who is posing as a hostage for the new recruit.

The cop follows them, sneaks around to see what is going on, and spots the blood in, in progress. He stops it and manages to arrest one of the gang members, and rescue the fake hostage, thinking she is real. The other gang members as well as the new recruit, escape as the cop rescues her and arrests the one.

Now the fake hostage and the one gang member who was caught, now have to come up with some sort of alibi to get out of the situation. They have to come up with a lie to make it appear to the court that they are two innocent people and that no crime happened. They can say that they were roleplaying, and that no one was actually going to shoot anyone, and it was all acting among themselves.

However, if they do this, they need a reason as to why the other gang members resisted arrest, and fled with the gun.

They could say that they do not know who the others really are, and they met them while drunk. But if you meet a group of people at a party for example the party host will still know who they are. And if you say you met them in a night club, well there are security cameras, and ID computer records of people who go into the night club.

So because of this, how would they come up with an alibi that would legally work? Or is it better for the witness to take the fifth? But if she does that, the cop witness, will still testify that he saw the defendant in collusion with the other kidnappers. So is more needed to exonerate the defendant? Basically I want the defendant to be exonerated. But how could a defendant and a witness, who is secretly on his side, do this, in a way that would legally work?

Reply With Quote
Old 09-08-2016, 11:29 PM
Blue (Offline)
Official Member
Join Date: Jun 2016
Posts: 27
Thanks: 1
Thanks 5

Your arrested characters don't need an alibi to be exonerated, the hostage was fake ( fellow gang member ), the gun wasn't loaded, the new recruit was not a cop. They can explain it as a practical joke gone too far, there is no victim so no crime. Everyone comes forward hostage admits she was in on it. No harm done the nosey cop can prove no different.

Form the description of your story I do find it odd that gang members would be so suspicious to think the new recruit could be a cop. To most deliberate criminals prison is an occupational hazard and not something they really worry about. So the fake blood entry to the gang if not fake for all new members seems unrealistic after all they wouldn't be the ones risking prison the new member would as they would watch it occur from a safe distance say across the street with their hoodies up to hide who they were. Also if the entry to the gang is fake they aren't a very tough gang into serious crime with dangerous members who've already got criminal records and a bad reputation with authority figures.
Reply With Quote
Old 09-09-2016, 02:33 PM
ironpony (Offline)
Intellectually Fertile
Official Member
Join Date: Aug 2015
Posts: 162
Thanks: 0
Thanked 1 Time in 1 Post

Okay thanks. Actually the new recruit is a cop, but a crooked one. Basically one of the gang members knows the crooked cop and has a personal relationship with him. So they want to recruit him into the gang, but there is always that fear that the cop might see it as an opportunity to make a bust or play along, with the intention of being undercover or something like that. So the gang takes a precaution of using a fake hostage, just in case. They want to know if they can trust the crooked cop, with a really serious crime, so they have him pull the trigger on a member posing as a hostage, as a test.

The gang members also do not have criminal records. The leader makes it his policy to only recruit members who's prints and DNA are not on file, and therefore, none of them have felony records.

Even though the gang would be watching from a safe distance, suppose the crooked cop sees it as an opportunity to make a bust to make a name for himself. He could have called in other cops as back up, and they could be surveying the gang and find them in the near area, or something. They want to take the precaution of having a fake hostage, in case the police came with the new recruit by any chance. The new recruit does not though.

However, the gang was not planning on that a real honest cop would stumble upon it and bust them. The crooked cop recruit gets away with the rest of them and the MC good cop, does not see his face.

However, the gang has a problem in that the fake hostage, and the one member who is caught, now have to change their story after the others get away. They would have had a different story planned if the new recruit busted them, in comparison.

You said that an alibi is not needed, but there is a problem as I see it. If the fake hostage woman and the gang member who is arrested act like it was all a role play, and no crime, happened, the cops are still going to want to know who the others are that resisted arrest and ran away, even making it past the police road blocks in their escape, that the MC cop radioed ahead for.

So the police are going to want to know who the other people are that escaped. The two gang members who are now caught, have to a reason as to why they do not know the other members, or why they will not give them up. Cause if they are innocent, then refusing to give them up could lead to other legal consequences for them. So what could their reason be for not giving them up, or a reason to not know who they are, in order to not have to tell the police, but still not get into trouble, for doing so?

Last edited by ironpony; 09-09-2016 at 03:40 PM..
Reply With Quote

  WritersBeat.com > Writing Craft > Writing Help & Issues

Thread Tools

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off

Similar Threads
Thread Thread Starter Forum Replies Last Post
Would you read this? (A Dark/Urban Fantasy Story Idea) BebopMagnum Writing Help & Issues 13 07-11-2010 01:56 PM
When your plot feels too thin. ZombieGenesis Tips & Advice 27 06-08-2010 03:00 PM
Contest Results | Fiction | Halloween Special (October 2006) Oasis Writer Previous Contests 0 11-01-2006 05:05 PM
QWF: Quality Women's Fiction Jay Writing Markets 3 06-07-2006 02:08 PM
Romantic Short Love Stories Jay Writing Markets 0 05-19-2006 10:04 PM

All times are GMT -8. The time now is 04:35 PM.

vBulletin, Copyright © 2000-2006, Jelsoft Enterprises Ltd.