WritersBeat.com
 

Go Back   WritersBeat.com > Write Here > Poetry

Poetry Sit down or take a stand in this poetry section.


Drown

Reply
 
Thread Tools
  #1  
Old 10-23-2017, 01:13 PM
pralina's Avatar
pralina (Offline)
Pencil pusher
Official Member
 
Join Date: Oct 2017
Location: Ålesund
Posts: 11
Thanks: 3
Thanks 3
Default Drown


I am a floating head
in the ocean of my fears
ripples on the surface
are just remnants of my dreams
caress my mind
don't let it drown
be the gentle touch
when I need your arm

no meaning is enough
for my words to come to life
no sounds are accurate
when you drown, drown, drown...

it seems like it's always raining
the wet curtains fall around me
i'm an idiot in the making
my head's screaming drown, drown, drown...

__________________
I have loved the stars too fondly to be fearful of the night.

Last edited by pralina; 10-23-2017 at 02:48 PM..
Reply With Quote
The Following User Says Thank You to pralina For This Useful Post:
fleamailman (10-24-2017)
  #2  
Old 10-23-2017, 02:12 PM
Lockette's Avatar
Lockette (Offline)
Abnormally Articulate
Official Member
 
Join Date: Nov 2014
Location: Virginia, USA
Posts: 143
Thanks: 14
Thanks 44
Default

Capitalize the I in last line first stanza
gentle 1st stanza
Accurate in the 2nd stanza.

Other than that, I can't see anything. Poetry isn't my thing. Never liked it, never wrote it well. I drop in form time to time to offer my opinion.
__________________
I am Siegmeyer of Catarina, and you shall feel my wrarh!
Reply With Quote
  #3  
Old 10-23-2017, 02:49 PM
pralina's Avatar
pralina (Offline)
Pencil pusher
Official Member
 
Join Date: Oct 2017
Location: Ålesund
Posts: 11
Thanks: 3
Thanks 3
Default

I didn't notice the typos, thanks!
__________________
I have loved the stars too fondly to be fearful of the night.
Reply With Quote
Reply

  WritersBeat.com > Write Here > Poetry


Thread Tools

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off


Similar Threads
Thread Thread Starter Forum Replies Last Post
You Will Drown Star Poetry 3 02-12-2012 10:55 AM
After the Storm Star Lyrics 1 02-09-2012 07:23 PM
When I Am Queen Bree Bree3195 Lyrics 0 09-21-2010 04:58 PM
Drown mindsthegap Fiction 9 12-09-2009 05:19 AM


All times are GMT -8. The time now is 03:22 AM.

vBulletin, Copyright © 2000-2006, Jelsoft Enterprises Ltd.