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[Poetry] There was once time...

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Old 12-14-2005, 02:44 PM
Daniel Fischer (Offline)
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[Poetry] There was once time...


There was once time...

There was once a time where I could sheath my life in a past of knives.
There was once a time where I could cry and an ocean would appear.
There was once a time where I could lift my arms up and see the blanket removed, the darkened sky now a blistering flame, the stars now an open scape.
There was once a time where I could scream and I'd be the tree that always wanted to be heard.
There was once a time where I could stare into the sun's glare and not become blind.
There was once a time where I could feel the rays of fire raise the skin on my body to the point where it boiled with fright.

Now is the time I can scream at the heaveans and the knives fall onto my body.
Now is the time where the tears clean the blood the knives leave behind.
Now is the time where the blanket of darkness is now the wound of the heaveans.
Now is the time where I am the only tree left standing in the vastness of the long ago forests.
Now is the time where I stare into anything and it is the sun.
Now is the time where the rays of fire boiling my skin are actually the rays of light bringing me into a new life.

The future is the time where I can scream and people will run.
The future is the time where the tears I make become a sacred ground.
The future is the time where the blanket of darkness is a horrors' virtue.
The future is the time where the trees left standing are my retreat.
The future is the time where I stare into someone's eyes and they'll never notice I'm there.
The future is the time where the rays of fire cause me to vanish in time.

I am the past, the present, and the future. I shall embrace myself with everyting and live the honor of time with a signet of my name imprinted in everybody's hands.

Time is where I dwell and who I am.

Embrace me.


Last edited by DFischer; 12-19-2005 at 12:52 AM..
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Old 12-22-2005, 12:53 PM
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wow so deep so amazing
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Old 02-06-2006, 06:58 PM
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Yes So deep, but needlessly redundant use of phrases. It can be done without repeating so many times. Consider using your phrases at the beginning of each verse, instead of at the beginning of every line. It will read better, I promise.
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Old 04-20-2006, 03:40 PM
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I'd agree with Mack, espeacially since you have such a great poem here, filled with an emotion depth, and the repeatition kind of takes away from that greatness. It's very good work, and definitly a keeper, I'd just tweak with it a little.
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