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Contest Results | Fiction | Winter/Holiday (December 2006)

 
 
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Old 01-01-2007, 08:48 AM
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Icon7 Contest Results | Fiction | Winter/Holiday (December 2006)


Thank you to all the participants! This was a very nice round of stories.

And the winner is...arrankine! Congratulations!


Final Order of Finish:
1. arrankine: 17.78
2. starrwriter: 16.71
3. gary_wagner: 16.64
4. spark: 16.07
5. coconut: 15.64
6. Geoffrey Robson: 15.57
7. Wanderingronin: 15.21
8. creator_7: 5.57


Here are the judges' comments:

Originally Posted by azaelkain View Post
Member: Starrwriter
Title: Soup and Sandwich

Mechanics: 5/5
Intangibles: 5/5
Overall: 7/10

Comment:
The story was really good. I liked it a lot, but there were thing that seemed a little out of place. One is when the cook is smoking when he is cooking that just seems odd. Overall good job.

Deductions: 1, for exceeding the word limit

Score:16/20

******

Member:cocunut
Title: Small Slam

Mechanics: 4/5
Intangibles:5/5
Overall: 9/10

Comment:
This story is so freaking awesome. Okay I'm done.

Score:18/20

******

Member: Spark
Title: Ying Yang

Mechanics: 4/5
Intangibles: 4/5
Overall: 8/10

Comment:
Very powerful story.

Score: 16/20

******

Member:Geoffrey Robson
Title: Christmas Eve July 23, 1969

Mechanics: 4/5
Intangibles: 3/5
Overall: 9/10

Comment:
The story was good, but it seems the word count limited the transitions of the scenes. That is all folks.

Score: 16/20

******

Member: Wanderingronin
Title: Picture d (had no title)

Mechanic: 4/5
Intangibles: 5/5
Overall: 8/10

Comment
Very very teary. A bit short and the italics are not needed. Overall I liked it.

Score: 17/20

******

Member:aarankine
Title: Snow and Shine

Mechanic: 4/5
Intangibles: 5/5
Overall: 9/10

Comment:
The story was very well written for the theme of Christmas and the season of giving. Good job.

Score:18/20

******

Member: gary_wagner
Title: The special place.

Mechanics: 4/5
Intangibles: 5/5
Overall: 8/10

Comment:
Very good job. I liked the tone on which the characters spoke.
Good job.

Score: 17/20

******

Member:creator_7
Title: The summoning

Mechanics: 3/5
Intangibles: 3/5
Overall: 5/10

Comment:
The story was overall very hard to read. The message was sort of sketchy, but the major problem I found was the grammar and structure. I think the story has some potential if written again so don't give up.

Deductions: 6, 5 for exceeding the word limit, 1 for violating contest rules

Score: 5/20
Originally Posted by Cordatus View Post
Member: starrwriter
Title: Soup and Sandwich

Picture: A

Mechanics: 5/5
Intangibles: 4/5
Overall Impression: 8/10

Comments: Very good. The flow of the story is perfect, especially when there is a [relatively] long part with only the conversation between the two characters involved. The choice of words is effective, and the tone is consistent and firm as well.

Deductions:

1 point for exceeding word limit.

Score
: 16/20

------------------------------------------------

Member: coconut
Title: SMALL SLAM

Picture: C

Mechanics: 3/5
Intangibles: 3/5
Overall impression: 8/10

Comments: Nice idea and a rather creative "exploitation" of the picture. While a little rushed, the sequence of events is well introduced. The flow is good except for a few places where the writing can be improved. I especially liked the theme of this piece, and how the beginning and the end are made the same.

Score: 14/20

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Member: Spark
Title: Yin Yang

Picture: D

Mechanics: 3/5
Intangibles: 4/5
Overall Impression: 8/10

Comments: The emotion involved is very strong. The characters are conveyed perfectly, giving each the right amount of description and past. The piece flows easily, but can be improved at certain places. Excellent imagery, especially at the end.

Score: 15/20

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Member: Geoffrey Robson
Title: Untitled [CHRISTMAS EVE JULY 23, 1969]

Picture: A

Mechanics: 4/5
Intangibles: 5/5
Overall Impression: 8/10

Comments: The idea is very good and the content is stimulating. The pace is a little fast, but enough to keep the reader's attention. The style of writing is very impressive, easy flow, and good descriptions. I would change nothing except for a few places that were unclear.

Score: 17/20

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Member: Wanderingronin
Title: Untitled

Picture: D

Mechanics: 4/5
Intangibles: 3/5
Overall Impression: 8/5

Comments: A very emotional piece. This can be improved if details about the past were included to support the credibility of the emotion. A creative approach relating to the picture, but can be elongated to give more space to details.

Score: 15/20

------------------------------------------------

Member: aarankine
Title: Snow or Shine

Picture: B

Mechanics: 4/5
Intangibles: 5/5
Overall Impression: 9/10

Comments: I loved it! The plot is nicely weaved, the flow is very easy, and the theme of the story is perfect. I particularly liked how it ended. Revise the comma use to improve it.

Score: 18/20

------------------------------------------------

Member: gary_wagner
Title: That Special Place

Picture: B

Mechanics: 4/5
Intangibles: 4/5
Overall Impression: 8/10

Comments: I don't know if I fully understood the ending, but it's very moving. At one place, it was unclear who was talking, and the flow is fine except for a few lines I stumbled over. The description is very good.

Score: 16/20

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Member: creator_7
Title: The summoning

Picture: B, D, C

Mechanics: 3/5
Intangibles: 2/5
Overall Impression: 6/10

Comments: There were consistent grammatical and spelling errors, and the tone was uninteresting. Can be improved if re-written. Nice concept though.

Deductions:
5 points for exceeding word limit.
1 point for writing about more than one picture.
Score: 05/20
Originally Posted by starpanda View Post
Member: Starrwriter
Title: Soup and Sanwich

Mechanics:4/5 (1 point deducted for word count infraction)
Intangibles: 4/5
Overall Impression: 8/10

Comments:
Unusual ‘santa ‘ story. I feel it would have been better if the old man had more of an impact on the boy’s life, rather than just inferred, but that’s a personal opinion – technically fine, a well written piece. Overran the word count, so I will have to penalize. I do think it could have had the two hundred words cut. The boy had a s*** life, we figured that out from the moment you said he spent several nights a week at the restaurant because his mother was drinking in the bar across the street, so you could have chosen several bits of the dialogue and/or further details of the boys background without spoiling the piece. Come on Starrwriter, a writer of your caliber, keeping within the word count should have been a piece of cake!!!

Total score 16/20

Member: Coconut
Title: Small slam

Mechanics: 4/5
Intangibles: 3.5/5
Overall Impression: 7/10

Comments:
Too much on the technical side for me, with not enough detail on the story – too little on the true feelings of the fighter pilot, or on the development of the characters. Despite this, I liked the ending. Mechanics are fine. Again another piece that overran the word count, which is a shame as it means points being deducted, when they need not have been.


Total score 14.5/20

Member: Spark
Title: Yin Yang

Mechanics: 4.5/5
Intangibles: 4/5
Overall Impression: 8/10

Comments:
I think the final sentence is superfluous, as the reader gets this from the title of the piece and in the clues already given in the text. The style is good. A couple of minor spelling mistakes but the grammar is generally fine. On the whole a well written piece, with some nice observations of human behaviour.


Total score 16.5/20

Member: Geoffrey Robson
Title: Christmas eve July 23 1969

Mechanics: 4/5
Intangibles: 3.5/5
Overall Impression: 7/10

Comments:
I like the idea of a Christmas past, a Christmas that might have been and Christmas now, but I think the quick overview of Dan’s life to get it up to date, i.e. marriage to Mary etc, is too ‘matter of fact’ and spoils it a bit and lets this piece down. I did like the juxtaposition of his dream of Christmas at home and his experiences of war.

Total score 14.5/20

Member: Wanderingronin
Title: Picture D

Mechanics: 3.5/5
Intangibles: 4/5
Overall Impression: 6/10

Comments:
There’s no mention of the child again. I’m assuming it dies too? A very sad piece with no real ending. It feels like it is an excerpt from a larger piece. I need to check that I got all of this…yup I did. I feel you could have used the rest of the remaining word count to beef this up.


Mechanics are fine. Although with so much of it flashback, I personally would have chosen another way to separate the timeline. Italics are extremely hard on the eye for any length of time.
Total score 13.5/20


Member: arrankine
Title: Snow or shine

Mechanics: 5/5
Intangibles: 4/5
Overall Impression: 9/10

Comments:
Nice seasonal theme and of the spirit of the holidays. A good look at a ‘real’ Christmas. No mechanics issues and is well written. A nice easy-going style.

Particularly liked the mother in law and ‘mother’ comments.
Total score 18/20

Member: That special place
Title: Gary Wagner

Mechanics: 4/5
Intangibles: 5/5
Overall Impression: 9/10

Comments:
Hahaha…I like this…what Christmas is really like, I especially liked the microwave dinner. No real issue with the mechanics, a couple of minor errors only,generally a well written piece with a good style.


Total score 18/20

Member: The summoning
Title: creator _7

Mechanics: 2/5 (1 point deducted for contest rule infraction, 1 point deducted for word count infraction – sorry!)
Intangibles: 3.5/5
Overall Impression: 6/10

Comments:
What a strange story! The ending seems a little rushed and I don’t think it gives enough the horror/strangeness that could have been in this. Could have cut the mountain trip down and had more on the ending. The grammar is a little suspect. Unfortunately doesn’t fit the contest criteria of a story based on one of the pictures, so I will have to deduct points, which is a pity. Also way over the word count…way over.


Total score 11.5/20
Originally Posted by aprilrain View Post
Member: starrwriter
Title: Soup and Sandwich

Mechanics: 5/5
Intangibles: 4/5
Overall Impression: 8/10
Deductions: 1, for going over the word limit

Comments: It is a mark of strong writing when you can sustain pages of dialogue with no tag lines, yet the reader is not confused by who is speaking. You’ve developed the characters well and really brought life to this scene. The significance of the ending was a bit vague for me and left me needing a bit more. Overall, well done.

Score: 16/20

------------------------------------------------

Member: coconut
Title: SMALL SLAM

Mechanics: 3/5
Intangibles: 4.5/5
Overall impression: 8/10

Comments: I love when a writer intersperses authentic details without trying to over-educate the reader. You obviously know a little something about flying military aircraft or have done your share of research. I thought this really added to the realism and intensity of the chase. And what you say about the character’s nerves of steel without saying it (through the card playing) was well done.

Score: 15.5/20

------------------------------------------------

Member: Spark
Title: Yin Yang

Mechanics: 3.5/5
Intangibles: 4/5
Overall Impression: 7.5/10

Comments: I know I should just give an overall impression here, but I have 2 suggestions that I think would really add punch to this story, so consider this a mini-critique if you don’t mind. Delete 2 things: (1) the phrase “both determined not to blur together into gray” because it dilutes the impact of the final statement; and (2) the sentence “We had reached an understanding” because that is evident through their actions and words already and is better left to the reader’s deduction. Overall, a great read and a nicely written scene.

Score: 15/20

------------------------------------------------

Member: Geoffrey Robson
Title: CHRISTMAS EVE JULY 23, 1969

Mechanics: 4.5/5
Intangibles: 3.5/5
Overall Impression: 8/10

Comments: The transition from his date with Sherry to the reality of the battle scene was surprising and well done. The second transition, though, was a bit awkward. Overall, a nice job, particularly with flowing details that helped the visualization of the scenes.

Score: 16/20

------------------------------------------------

Member: Wanderingronin
Title: Untitled

Mechanics: 4.5/5
Intangibles: 3/5
Overall Impression: 6.5/10

Comments: What happened to the child? Sad and heart-wrenching, you’ve done a good job of showing the character’s anguish. However, it seems more like a scene from a story rather than the whole story itself. With further development and no word count limit, you could have a stronger piece.

Score: 14/20

------------------------------------------------

Member: aarankine
Title: Snow or Shine

Mechanics: 4.5/5
Intangibles: 4/5
Overall Impression: 9/10

Comments: I was taken in immediately with the voice and underlying humor, not to mention a realistic family drama. Excellent character development and story resolution. I enjoyed this very much.

Score: 17.5/20

------------------------------------------------

Member: gary_wagner
Title: That Special Place

Mechanics: 4/5
Intangibles: 4/5
Overall Impression: 9/10

Comments: What a great commentary on how technology has improved and quickened our lives to our detriment, but the message wasn’t too in-your-face, and I found myself smiling knowingly instead. The only complaint I had was that there seemed to be too many characters in a short amount of space in the beginning and I got confused over who was who upon the first reading. Still a fine example of your consistently strong writing.

Score: 17/20

------------------------------------------------

Member: creator_7
Title: The summoning

Mechanics: 1/5
Intangibles: 3/5
Overall Impression: 6.5/10
Deductions: 5 for going over the word limit and 1 for using more than one picture

Comments: This story would be really interesting with some significant editing. I just couldn’t get past the numerous spelling, punctuation and grammatical errors. Also, we had to penalize you severely for doubling the word count limit, but it’s a shame because I think large chunks of the story could have been whittled down while still preserving the premise of the story. Find a way to get the character into the cabin a little earlier and focus on the Guide to the Unknown. That’s where things started to get interesting.

Score: 4.5/20
Originally Posted by Icarus View Post
Member: Starrwriter
Title: Soup and Sandwich
Picture: A


Mechanics: 5/5
Intangibles: 4/5
Overall Impression: 9/10

I love the dialog in this. Not many people can pull of good dialog over an extended length with very few descriptive tags and the like. The ending left me hanging a bit, though, and I also think you could have tied in the picture a little better. This story feels like something you pulled out of a drawer when you saw the contest - rather than something you wrote for the contest (correct me if I'm wrong) - but if so, you could have adjusted it here and there to satisfy people like me who are stickers for the guidelines.

Deductions: 1, for exceeding the word limit

Score: 17/20

**********

Member: coconut
Title: Small Slam
Picture: C


Mechanics: 4/5
Intangibles: 3/5
Overall Impression: 8/10

A nice story and creative use of the picture. I especially liked the card game as bookends to the action. However, you could use some work on commas, the technical details were a bit overwhelming at times (though I've seen worse) and I think you could have given your narrator a little more personality earlier on in the story.

Score: 15/20

**********

Member: Spark
Title: Yin Yang
Picture: D


Mechanics: 4/5
Intangibles: 3/5
Overall Impression: 6/10

A good representation of Picture D. However, I would have liked to have seen less telling about the characters and more story. Also, the climatic moment (the apology and the reaching of an understanding) seems a little too easily done and therefore makes this moment, what needs to be the strongest, the weakest point.

Score: 14/20

**********

Member: Geoffrey Robson
Title: Christmas Eve, July 23, 1969
Picture: A


Mechanics: 3.5/5
Intangibles: 4/5
Overall Impression: 7/10

The ending was a little confusing for me. I think I know what you were getting at, but something was missing, I felt. The first transition worked very well, but the second not as well - I think because it felt a little forced. Also, I recommend you proofread your stuff a little more before submitting.

Score: 14.5/20

**********

Member: Wanderingronin
Title: none
Picture: D


Mechanics: 4/5
Intangibles: 3/5
Overall Impression: 6/10

I feel like your forcing the picture onto the story - the meat of your story doesn't actually connect with the picture, rather it's the bookends that do so. Also, technically I don't think a nurse would say what you have yours say - they are trained to make very diplomatic responses.

Score: 13/20

**********

Member: arrankine
Title: Snow or Shine
Picture: B


Mechanics: 4.5/5
Intangibles: 4.5/5
Overall Impression: 9/10

I loved it! Some great bits of humor - the imported tree and the vacuum may have been my favorite little comment. A great twist on Picture B and very realistic depictions of both the adults and kids. The fact that you managed to sneak in a bit of a lesson in Christmas spirit without ruining the fun makes it even better. Well done.

Score: 18/20

**********

Member: gary_wagner
Title: That Special Place
Picture: B


Mechanics: 5/5
Intangibles: 4.5.5
Overall Impression: 8.5/10

Really, really good stuff. I was completely taken in by the imagining (good transition to the present, by the way) and Tom's nostalgia for something he never had was really quite touching. Another very creative use of Picture B.

Score: 18/20

**********

Member: creator_7
Title: The Summoning
Picture: B, D, C


Mechanics: 1/5
Intangibles: 3/5
Overall Impression: 5/10

There is a reason we have specific guidelines and rules for these contests. A couple reasons, actually. First, the judges only have a finite amount of time they can spend reviewing submissions. It's not fair to them to go more than double the word limit. Second, if you were submitting this for publication with a magazine, your piece wouldn't even make it in the door. Publishers expect people to follow the rules carefully, and the most important reason for placing a word limit on something is to force writers to be concise. Additionally, it was clearly stated to write on one picture, so using three is not an excuse for violating the word limit. This could have been a nice submission, though, were it not for the rule violations.

Deductions: 6 (5 for exceeding the word limit, 1 for not following the guidelines by using too many pictures)

Score: 3/20
Originally Posted by OnceUponATime View Post
Great submissions for December and I want to say I truly enjoyed this round of judging!

Member: starrwriter
Title: Soup and Sandwich
Picture: A

Mechanics: 5/5
Intangibles: 5/5
Overall Impression: 10/10
Handicap for overage/rules: -1

Comments: Terrific writing as always. Loved the twist and turn of the emotional undercurrent in this piece. The boy, who hides his loneliness behind a bold and brash front, comes to the diner, where the cook takes notice of him and tries to draw him out of his shell. Boy grows uncomfortable and the man instantly regrets pushing the buttons on the boy, who promptly leaves the scene. The rubber boots make a statement that somehow the boy has put him off balance. Things have changed in the diner and not necessarily for the better. What was an attempt at thawing a situation has only caused further ice-lock. Tightly written, terrific dialogue and a strong theme. This is definitely a publishable piece, coming from an extremely talented and proven writer. Great story Starrwriter, thanks for the read!

Score: 19/20

-----------

Member:Coconut
Title: Small Slam
Picture: C

Mechanics: 5/5
Intangibles: 4/5
Overall Impression: 7/10

Comments: Good writing here. I didn't quite understand the mechanics of the card game, but there was enough that I got the gist of what was going on. Something was missing from the sequence of events - a weather teletype came in and suddenly the pilot's in the air and going after what he believes is a Russian airplane (MIG fighter?). It's never stated that there's a bogey out there, so maybe that part was cut from the text during editing? Anyhow, despite that, the details were well-done and the near-miss with the Dutch 707 was illustrated very well. Interesting story!

Score: 16/20

-----------------------

Member: Spark
Title: Yin Yang
Picture: D

Mechanics: 4/5
Intangibles: 5/5
Overall Impression: 9/10

Comments: Great story. A few typos and what-not here and there, but nothing that distracted me from the story, the focal point being an argument beween mother and child. I liked the study in contrasts shown here, accented by the wintry backdrop. The resolution comes a little too fast, with Mother apologizing out of nowhere with no real prompt or motivation to do so. Perhaps a few more words of dialogue between them would resolve this. What caused Mother to suddenly relent? Overall, a terrific, well-written piece that keeps in line with this month's theme.

Score: 18/20

-----------

Member: Geoffrey Robinson
Title: Christmas Eve July 23, 1969
Picture: A

Mechanics: 4/5
Intangibles: 4/5
Overall Impression: 8/10

Comments: Great story, Geoffrey. I like how the opening scene turns out to be a dream for a wounded soldier. Some rather graphic description, but it works here very well. I also really liked how you included an element from the dream in the eventual reality - the little bears, mice and snowmen, angels and elves. Nice touch to a poignant story.

Score: 16/20

----------

Member: Wanderingronin
Title: Untitled
Picture: D

Mechanics: 5/5
Intangibles: 5/5
Overall Impression: 6/10

Comments: An emotional piece, for sure. Nicely done. However, it seemed to me to be part of a larger work. Basically, what that means is that you've opened the door to more - what happens to the grieving husband now? How does he put his life back together, even a year after the fact? You can really do a lot with this novel-wise if you expand upon it. Good writing overall, nice description and use of the photo.

Score: 16/20

--------------------
Member: Aarankine
Title: Snow or Shine
Picture: B

Mechanics: 5/5
Intangibles: 4/5
Overall Impression: 10/10

Comments: Interesting twist on the use of the photo! I liked your take on it, and particularly loved the ending with Missah B and the use of the internet. You did a good job weaving the old-timey idea of Christmas with the technology-soaked habits of modern day children. Terrific writing throughout, only nitpick I had being that even in the islands children manage to have Christmas every year and perhaps that could have been impressed upon the children as well. I liked the idea of baking and creating their own Christmas gifts for the neighbors and all, but there seemed to be a missed opportunity here for the father to take the children out into the neighborhood to see firsthand how islanders handle Christmas with their local customs. But, I realize there's a word-count limit and yours worked very well within it. Overall, I thoroughly enjoyed this story!

Score: 19/20
-----------------

Member: Gary Wagner
Title: That Special Place
Picture: B

Mechanics: 5/5
Intangibles: 4/5
Overall Impression: 8/10

Comments: Heartwarming story and good use of the photo prompt. I liked the way you set the scene and the dialogue/narrative is well-written. However, the story doesn't seem to have any tension. I can't see where any conflict could be injected, though, as it would disturb the pleasant scene. I guess, IMO, it was a little 'too' pleasant, but for a flash-writing piece based on this prompt, it works well enough. Good stuff, enjoyed the read

Score: 17/20
-----------------

Member: Creator_7
Title: The Summoning
Picture: B, D & C

Mechanics: 2/5
Intangibles: 5/5
Overall Impression: 8/10 [Bonus points given here for a really good plot]
Handicap for overage/rules: -6

Comments: Well, Creator_7, this is one of your best writings so far! There's some problems with grammar, spelling & what-not, but you've created a neat little adventure here that once ironed out and expanded, could be quite a neat little tale! I liked the scene in the abandoned cabin and finding of the strange book. I liked this plot point in particular because the book absorbed Kate somehow, making for a very good hook to what could be a larger story. The ending left me a little confused, however. I think it's because you had such a good plot hook that there's no way you could end it in such a brief manner. If this were mine, it would be close to 7,500 words long, as Kate tried to find a way to break the book's spell and make her suddenly fictionalized life 'real' again. You've got a terrific story here and if you do away with your current ending, focus on how Kate saves herself, work out a few more scenes on how she does so, you'll have something really special here. Good work, nice use of the photos. I hate to deduct points for going over the word limit, but I have to adhere to rules as well. Good read, though, hope to see more from you!

Score: (basic) 15/20, minus 6 for rules/overage - total score: 9/20


------------
Some very nice contibutions this month from everyone, and I particularly loved the creative use of the offered photos. Great writing this month! T'is has been a veritable feast of short fiction for December

best wishes to all -
Jillian
Originally Posted by cuteangel View Post
Member: starrwriter
Title: Soup and Sandwich

Mechanics: 5/5
Intangibles: 4.5/5
Overall Impression: 8.5/10
Deduction: 1

Comments: As usual, your spellings and grammar is near perfect and your tone is quite gripping and strong. It made me want to read right down to the end without stopping even once. The dialogue was another brilliant part of the story. Only the end was not satisfactory. I just could not understand the point of it. Why is leaving the boots at the restaurant relevant?
Score: 17/20

**********

Member: coconut
Title: Small Slam

Mechanics: 4/5
Intangibles: 3.5/5
Overall Impression: 9/10

Comments: Near-perfect grammar, satisfactory tone, and a mind-blowing twist. This was such an exciting read! The only thing that put me off a bit was the technical details. They go over my head, but I understand why they’re essential, so I didn’t deduct for that. Good job!

Score: 16.5/20

**********

Member: Spark
Title: Yin Yang

Mechanics: 4/5
Intangibles: 5/5
Overall Impression: 9/10

Comments: The interpretation of the picture was fantastic! Very original and out-of-the-ordinary. Good job! The only grouse I have is that you switched tenses in between, which why I deducted a mark from Mechanics. Your tone is strong and very intense and I particularly liked the significance of your title.

Score: 18/20

**********

Member: Geoffrey Robson
Title: Christmas Eve, July 23, 1969

Mechanics: 4/5
Intangibles: 3.5/5
Overall Impression: 7.5/10

Comments: Interesting story. The flashbacks weren’t very clear, which is why I’ve deducted a few points. Your style was quite moving and there wasn’t much wrong with mechanics. I liked the way the story comes around in a full circle – very good.

Score: 15/20

**********

Member: Wanderingronin
Title: –

Mechanics: 4.5/5
Intangibles: 5/5
Overall Impression: 8.5/10

Comments: This one gave me a huge lump in my throat – definitely a good sign! I was sucked in from the beginning and I couldn’t let go until the end. I can’t say more. Excellent!

Score: 18/20

**********

Member: aarankine
Title: Snow or Shine

Mechanics: 4/5
Intangibles: 4/5
Overall Impression: 8/10

Comments: What a twist to the tale! There’s not much more to say than that because frankly, I enjoyed this quite a lot. There were a few places where the narration didn’t quite run too smoothly, but overall, good.

Score: 16/20

**********

Member: gary_wagner
Title: That Special Place

Mechanics: 3/5
Intangibles: 3.5/5
Overall Impression: 7/10

Comments: The transition from fantasy to reality was a bit confusing here. Also, you lost points in mechanics because of faulty grammar in places. I did like the initial part, where the boy is fantasizing about the Special Place, but after reality walked in, I didn’t quite connect with it any more.

Score: 13.5/20

**********

Member: creator_7
Title: The Summoning

Mechanics: 2/5
Intangibles: 3/5
Overall Impression: 6/10
Deduction: 6

Comments: Well, this was quite long and needs a lot of editing and revising. It could have been cut down to half its length if you hadn’t spent so much time on the mountainside. I’m not quite sure what happened in the end either. I'm really sorry you had to have so many points deducted. It truly was a good effort.

Score: 6/20

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Old 01-02-2007, 05:59 PM
Spark (Offline)
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Thanks for the comments everyone! I'm so thankful for these competitions. I feel like these days I really need a prompt and a deadline to kick my butt into writings... maybe some day when I'm in college I'll revisit all my entries and see if I can take them further. I'm off to see what the next month's competition has in store.
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Old 01-03-2007, 05:54 AM
gary_wagner
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Congratulations, aarankine. Great story. I look forward to seeing your future contest submissions.
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Old 01-03-2007, 11:01 AM
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Thanks, everyone.

I liked yours too, Gary, especially the surprise at the end (the words "remote" and "PS3" really felt like someone literally shaking you out of a daydream).

So can I get my crowny thingie? It looks kinda cool, in its corny way....
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Old 01-03-2007, 02:17 PM
gary_wagner
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I hope you get your crowny thingie. It took a little while to get mine for the August contest. I'm still waiting for the November fiction contest and December poetry contest. Let's join together and make sure we at least get the crowny thingies we should get for coming out on top.
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Old 01-03-2007, 05:51 PM
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Working on the crowns, guys.... Can't do them myself, or I would.
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Old 01-04-2007, 05:26 AM
gary_wagner
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Oh, will you look at that? We both have brand spanking new crowny thingies. Thanks!
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Old 01-04-2007, 11:25 AM
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Yes, thank you, Icarus, that was quick!
 

  WritersBeat.com > Writer's Beat Quarterly > Contest Central > Previous Contests


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