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Would appreciate feedback on this story, please

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  #1  
Old 12-12-2015, 07:28 AM
marigold_2015 (Offline)
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Default Would appreciate feedback on this story, please


12/25/16:

I've written this story about a man who is slowly driven to madness after coming in contact with a mysterious type of rain. The script is entitled Experiment 33, it's a psychological thriller that I will be directing/producing and funding all on my own and I have attached the link to it below.....I was hoping to receive feedback on it, I'm sure it probably sucks all around and is horrible - but then I think anything I do probably sucks because I'm overly critical of myself and have zilch self esteem....but that's another story, anyway thanks to all - or anyone who offers feedback


https://drive.google.com/file/d/0B7k...ew?usp=sharing


Last edited by marigold_2015; 12-26-2015 at 01:58 PM..
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  #2  
Old 12-12-2015, 04:47 PM
Nick Pierce (Online)
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This Michael guy is a NYC cop, right?

Weren't all of those city cops directed to have their guns on their person at all times after 9/11?
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Old 12-12-2015, 08:02 PM
marigold_2015 (Offline)
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Originally Posted by Nick Pierce View Post
This Michael guy is a NYC cop, right?

Weren't all of those city cops directed to have their guns on their person at all times after 9/11?

Yeah he's an NYC cop but to go into deeper details about Michael, since he and his police partner, Brent shot and killed unarmed teenager, Devon Richmond unjustly, Brent and Michael was put on paid administrative leave. So since Michael is going away from New York City for the weekend with his sister, would there be a reason for him to carry his gun? Especially on a vacation trip when he's on leave from work?
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Old 12-12-2015, 09:01 PM
Nick Pierce (Online)
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I've skimmed up to page 24. I see you need him to be unarmed for the progress. Would have to know what Michael was convicted of to be able to determine if he can carry his firearm. And I don't know if he would be getting paid not to work if he was convicted of a felony.

All writing don't have to be tight to be good.

Daes or brianpatrick need to weigh in on this work.



I say convicted because you stated unjustly and that indicates a ruling.

Maybe you mean he and partner have been charged but not yet tried.

Last edited by Nick Pierce; 12-12-2015 at 09:04 PM..
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Old 12-25-2015, 08:16 AM
wrc (Offline)
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Hello marigold. How be thee?

You said:
((I have attached the script to this post.))

I want to be helpful for you. But there was no link to the script... so I couldn't read it. Help...

wrc
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You're not dead 'til you're dead and when you are you won't know it. So, keep on writing and having fun.
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Old 12-25-2015, 03:57 PM
marigold_2015 (Offline)
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Originally Posted by wrc View Post
Hello marigold. How be thee?

You said:
((I have attached the script to this post.))

I want to be helpful for you. But there was no link to the script... so I couldn't read it. Help...

wrc


I've been better, thank you for asking, how be thee? lol


And yes I am sorry, I updated the entire above first posting to include a link.
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Old 08-29-2016, 05:57 AM
clarke1557 (Offline)
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Yeah


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