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Ten Minute Writing Exercise.

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  #31  
Old 05-03-2006, 08:27 PM
Dephere
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Titania - Awesome. That was my favorite ten minute writing from you, very nice! Oh, and tempestuous....hehehe...We both know I love that word.

Kal - Hm, that was sad and I felt a little cheated that I didn't get to hear who "you" was, but I guess you gave us just enough. Interesting execution, how you left us in the dark, and I thought it was awesome how you set it up.

Okay here's mine.....

That falling star, gleaming in its own evanescence, streaks through infinity. While I gaze upon this sight of solitude I know, understand, comprehend that this sad goodbye will be one that we always cherish and remember. I won’t forget and hope you will hold these memories as close to your heart as I hold mine. For our time, two months it may be, has no limit in the moments that I have captured in my mind’s eye. I will always be that little boy who had the secret admirer, counting kisses on his one hand, while counting lies on his other.

Those fleeting moments live on. The past is what was, but it’s the future that life propels us towards each and every day, closer to what will in turn end the interminable friendship we’ve made. It seems strange and foreboding, this future without you. I cannot come to imagine what going through an entire day, week, month, year or lifetime without you will be like, but I suppose we’ll both discover these new frontiers at the same time. We will hurt and suffer, as have many before us, but to experience a sensation is to have true empathy for those poor souls who have traveled these same weary paths. The paths of isolation.

Our intimate relationship has become a fickle strand in the infinitesimal thread of life’s tapestry. Even the weaver cannot alter this work of destiny. You were fated to be here and I was fated to be elsewhere. Working against such a palpable distance will not only be hard, but insurmountable, as we both will come to see. I wish, hope, and pray that it is not true, but it is inevitable that the falling star flickers into darkness.

This one was eleven minutes...I find it so dang hard to stay in the time. But it's only over a minute. So you all know, this was a goodbye to my best friend. Well, my goodbye. She's not into writing, so I'm giving her a ten page long letter that is just me talking regular, as opposed to this type of prose. But I had to do it this way for me.

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  #32  
Old 05-03-2006, 08:57 PM
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Very good Dephere. She was a good inspiration for you, because it was magnificent.
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  #33  
Old 05-03-2006, 08:59 PM
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Thanks, Oasis...I'm going to have to tell her that.
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  #34  
Old 05-03-2006, 09:02 PM
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She'll love it...or find you MASSIVELY WEIRD! Either way, you'll get a hug and a knee to the crotch Good work dude, I'm trying to write it, but I have no instiration, so it's sucking badly.
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  #35  
Old 05-03-2006, 09:19 PM
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Dephere, that was beautiful. You should know by now that I love star references... that was truly stellar. Definitely my favorite of your 10 mins that I've seen. And lol, thanks for the comment on mine... yes, I know tempestuous is your 2nd favorite word...

behind quilty

Oasis, you should try one, it's really not as hard as it sounds. I don't usually have inspiration to start off but it just flows if you make yourself try it...

Write one about sophomore skip day, lol
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  #36  
Old 05-04-2006, 04:50 AM
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Dephy my last one was about the anniversary of the death of a friend and how i didnt go to where I pay tribute to him, it broke my heart actually. but anyway I sent it to a friend before and asked him what he thought it was about and he said a place or a person he couldnt tell.. maybe a grave. which is what i wanted so I felt no need to add anymore.
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His lips parted, cracked and dry as he struggled to whisper: "My muse, you're here."
She simply smiled, "Yes, Drake, I am here."
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  #37  
Old 05-04-2006, 11:44 AM
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I didn't pick that up, but now that I know it seems to work. I'm not the most astute of readers, some things just slip by me. I liked though, as I said.

Thanks, Tit!! I'm glad you liked it and yes, quilty is definitely my favorite word.
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  #38  
Old 05-04-2006, 03:18 PM
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Titania....this last one was by far your best one. I would love to see more, but it's beautiful just as it is.

Kali....sadness enveloped me after reading it. Who you lost..was heart breaking for you, as well as not going to see him/her....or so it seemed to me. Very very nice work.

Dephere....wow. amazing. i love it. defintely your best so far. even if she's not into writing, i think you should show it to her. it's beautiful.
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  #39  
Old 05-04-2006, 05:54 PM
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[MOUSE]erm... yeah. Dunno what happened here...[/MOUSE]

She sat and stared up at us, smiling as she twirled the hair from her devilishly cute pigtails we all loved so much. She giggled and bit her lip, still staring up, still applying pressure to her lip with those pointed little teeth. She uncrossed her legs and spread them out infront of her. If we'd been at her level we'd have seen straight up that little white dress, up her prepubesent thighs to that pale pink opening, untouched, not yet blemished by age. She span around on the ground, like the child trapped inside of her, head rolled back, eyes closed but ours remained unblinking, judging in a circle around her.

Then she stopped and slowly rose, stood perfectly still with her hands over her face and continued to laugh. Our eyes flickered between her and each other, nervous and uncomfortable untill the blood began to trickle down her fore arms, black in the moonlight. She out stretched her hands, towards me, but looked all around with eyes that seemed detached from the sockets. We all remained stern of face, despite it being evident what she had done. Gnawed flesh, dripping life force from split veins and ripped tendons. The pleasure on her face became apparent as she spread her arms like Christ and spun around and around in front of us. Laughing all the more when the blood splashed our faces. None wiped the splashes from their face, our laws prevented us from doing so, we all stood still and cried our crimson tears, tasted her blood on our lips as she had done.

She danced and laughed and danced and spun and laughed, then stopped. She stared at me, at the hands at my side. She watched me with relentless eyes, she fixed her gaze upon me, as a blade came from behind her, slicing her in two. She stared and I swear I heard her laugh.
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A Girl in Winter.
His lips parted, cracked and dry as he struggled to whisper: "My muse, you're here."
She simply smiled, "Yes, Drake, I am here."

Last edited by kalibantre; 05-04-2006 at 06:05 PM..
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  #40  
Old 05-04-2006, 06:00 PM
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Kali, that was for lack of a better word surreal. Odd certainly, but in a way I liked it simply for the unpredictability, and it was well written. 'Crimson tears' and the line about 'she danced and laughed and danced...' were a couple really nice spots. Oh, and on the second to last sentence I think you meant in two. But other than that, a nice creepy little bit of flash...

I need to do another one of these I'm going to try to later this evening, but I don't have the time or inspiration at the moment...
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  #41  
Old 05-04-2006, 06:04 PM
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Wow, that was really powerful, Kal. The images there were oddly unsettling and engrossing both at once. It felt so strange to see her bleeding and evil and all that.

It's funny, our latest pieces seem to be our favorites of each other and this is the same for me. I like this out of all your ten minute ones.
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  #42  
Old 05-04-2006, 06:06 PM
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in my head she wasn't the bad guy, the circle was...

I have no idea where it came from but man it was cool!
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A Girl in Winter.
His lips parted, cracked and dry as he struggled to whisper: "My muse, you're here."
She simply smiled, "Yes, Drake, I am here."
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  #43  
Old 05-04-2006, 06:10 PM
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Agreed...but I like thinking of little girls as evil, they are most of the time anyway.
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  #44  
Old 05-05-2006, 09:13 AM
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Kali...oddly engaging. wonderful writing. this is defintely one of my favorites seemed like the little girl was laughing to spite the circle...but i could be wrong...who knows. anyways, great write!
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  #45  
Old 05-05-2006, 07:15 PM
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The colors spun around her. Thousands of them, swirling about her head, distant stars in rainbow supernovas before her all too mortal eyes. She smiled, breathless, allowing herself to fall backwards.

Grass, grass beneath her feet, against her bare shoulders. She lay stretched out across the hill; her mind was elsewhere, lost to this world. Her face was gentle, kind, eternally locked into a subtle smile that played about lips red against the stark ivory skin.

Time when on around her– and she slept, the universe painting itself upon her eyelids, through spring and summer, through the all-covering snow of winter, through the shedding of leaves in autumn. The once-white dress she had worn became dirty, soiled by time, streaked with dirt and grass stains. Like sleeping beauty she lay, oblivious, caught in the hourglass. Only her chest moving ever so slightly each moment gave any hint that she still lived; she was silent. She was happy.

At last she was free. Free to dream, to allow those long since given up hopes to return once more to her fragile mind and gallivant amongst far-flung planets and galaxies. She ran through a field of rainbows; she walked upon the comforting air; she flew. A child's dream, to fly, but one that she could not help but treasure. Treasure: that was what this was, this strange twist of fate that had left her suspended from reality on this secluded hill, a treasure, a priceless chance to find herself deep within her shell of a body.

And she slept. Once or twice her cheeks grew red, almost as if she neared an awakening, but each time the color faded, leaving her once again whiter than the snow and just as cold. Once or twice she almost understood, she almost completed whatever odd mission she had set out to achieve, but each time she fell just short, fingers clawing at the edge of the cliff.

She slept amongst the stars.
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  #46  
Old 05-05-2006, 07:33 PM
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OH, STARS!!! We all know how much you love those...hehe. It was very nice and I think you toned down your verbosity...you did, didn't you?! Leaving me all alone like that.

Well, you did a nice job with it and I especially like that little allusion to Sleeping Beauty....simile...whatever.
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  #47  
Old 05-05-2006, 07:35 PM
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I couldn't help it!

Lol, it's actually sort of loosely based on a myth surrounding a mountain up here that's called the Sleeping Lady because it looks like one... weird, huh?

Thanks though as always...
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  #48  
Old 05-05-2006, 07:37 PM
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No problem...*speaks from the depths of solitude...oh my bad...speaks all by himself *
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  #49  
Old 05-05-2006, 07:44 PM
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MOVED by Moi, as requested.
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  #50  
Old 05-06-2006, 09:59 AM
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Shimmering lights dotted the sea, a speckled smattering of warships and galleys, laying in wait for the morrow. Torchs and beacons were lit on all the ships signaling their ready, but each would wait until the Santa Maria, her sails half mast, would begin the journey.

Crews and captains alike feared the worst of this endeavor. They all knew the world was flat, but dear old Columbus claimed different. "It's a sphere," he would say, "as round as our newborn heads. Trust me with this one, Queenie, for I swear, we'll make it to India."

The queen, her layered brown hair and golden brown dress waving in the night's breeze, spoke with Colummbus an entire fortnight before she agreed to let the explorer have his way. She still, in her royal sophistication, believed the world was as flat as her cousin, but if Columbus was right, then India's treasures would only be too accessible.

Columbus ecstatic prepared for her exploration. Maps and vittles, compasses and crew, all was in order for India. With youthful exuberance he picked his three ships. The Santa Maria, Nina, and Pinta, all were his for the taking and all were ready for the sea.

Finally the Santa Maria, at the first sign of light, dawned her fully raised sails and set for the sea. The warships and gallies escorted the prim and proper ships to the edge of the bay, issuing a loud goobye with the sound of cannons.

"Goodbye my flat sister," Columbus said back to the bay, "when I return you will be as round as this apple." He flicked the apple into the air and let it fall to the sea.

Don't ask...I don't know. I had another minute, but I didn't want to use it, I felt it was done. Oh, and I tried to tone it down in poeticness because as you know I've been under some heat lately. So I'd love to know if it worked out.

Last edited by Dephere; 05-06-2006 at 10:04 AM..
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  #51  
Old 05-06-2006, 03:09 PM
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Lol... that was interesting. I like how he called her Queenie It didn't seem as poetic to me as your usual, so if that was what you were going for I think it worked. And I won't ask...
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  #52  
Old 05-06-2006, 03:43 PM
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I guess that's what I'm going for. lol. Is it still considered "good writing"? Or is it lack luster and boring?

I feel so out of my realm when I write like that, but I hope I get used to it and better at it.

Oh, and I had him say Queenie on purpose. lol.
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  #53  
Old 05-06-2006, 03:47 PM
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I wouldn't say boring exactly... I don't know, this isn't exactly the best thing to judge on. It wasn't bad certainly.

lol...
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  #54  
Old 05-06-2006, 04:38 PM
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Okay, I can settle for "wasn't bad" considering what this was and that it was my first attempt.

Thanks Tit!
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  #55  
Old 05-07-2006, 03:27 AM
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5:32

He stood between four walls and one light-bulb, a pale yellow cast down upon all. The smoke barely moved through this stale air. He got up off his knees, finished with his bowl of mixed cereals, and opened the window. The silvery-blue smoke swirled faster in the wind, escaping through the window.

He coughed, startling a cockroach from under the table. As it scuttled underneath the door, he put his cigarette out in the remaining milk. 'What to do, what to do,' he thought to himself. Looking outside, he saw the apples hanging low from what seemed to be spider-silk, swaying in the morning breeze. This was the only tree in view, looking very lonely without its leaves. Stop.

It gave him a headache to think of such things; morning arriving in blue to divide the night before. How many times? 10,000 he estimated, as he watched a raccoon awaken, crawling down from the middle of a tree, broken in half. Insanity is slow, but moves with purpose; in its jaws he sees his heart, beating life against the harsh cradle of the outside world. The clouds, inch by inch, pass him by as he waits. For the sun? Maybe another night? He wasn't sure, but definitely wasn't too worried about it. He'd already spent enough time worrying.

He thought back to the old days, the days when he wasn't so conscious of this loneliness. Automatically, his hands moved towards his mouth, where he labored on his nails, spitting them out the window. Hearing a car pass by, he closed his eyes, allowing his mind reprieve. In the darkness of his eyelids, he saw a shape, growing. He fixed his mind on the nothingness as he was carried out of the room. He heard the calls of birds in the distance, and upon opening his eyes, realized he was back in the car.

He was done waiting. A warmth somersaulted round and round his entire frame. The radio jammed his favorite song. For once, he smiled and actually meant it. Through the car window, the breeze from another world drifted in. Smelling faintly the salt-water and cold leather, he remembered this moment. He was going home.


Last edited by Andrew M Gold; 05-07-2006 at 03:36 AM..
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  #56  
Old 05-07-2006, 11:25 AM
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I don't think I've seen anything other than your poetry before, but this was very nice... and of course it's great to have someone else in here! This was one of the few 10 mins I've seen that feels completed at the end; the sense of fulfillment for the narrator, of resolution, is definitely there. A refreshing read... nice attention to detail with things like the cockroaches, and overall well written... I liked it. Good job
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  #57  
Old 05-08-2006, 01:23 PM
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Titania: i'm partial to stars too and liked that one very much nice work...there even seemed to be a bit of ending in that one....i have a sudden urge to go sleep underneath the stars...but it's the middle of the day...

Dephere: less poetic than the previous stuff i've read, not boring, still well-written, interesting though

Andrew: as Titania said, there was a sense of closure at the end which was nice. nice work as wonderful as your poetry
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  #58  
Old 05-08-2006, 05:49 PM
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Well, I decided to give it a try. And this is what I came up with in 10 minutes.

The Commando team crouched just yards outside of the main gates of the installation. Their hiding spot was situated in a blindspot, perfectly invisible to either mechanical surveilance and the eyes of those watching from the catwalks.

Trey adjusted his night vision goggles as he waited for the signal, nervousness keeping him on edge. Teap leader Carolyn continued to watch the front gates intently. She was keeping track of the two guards as they walked back and forth from their guard boxes. Wenn was keeping track of communications between them and the other 2 teams waiting to storm the installation. The other three members hunkered down and waited for the signal.

It didn't take long for it to appear. A flare launched out from inside the installation. Team Kappa had reached their target. Now it was time for the other two teams to start engaging the enemy.

Carolyn gave the order, "Hit 'em."

Eventually I hope to be able to get more done next time.
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  #59  
Old 05-09-2006, 09:50 PM
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I was your temptress. I was your mistress. I beckoned and you came. Like a selfish whore I used you, finding solace in your arms for tears I never should have shed. The bruises your hands left upon my skin burned with triumphant glory, symbols of a foolish victory. Intoxication was not the object, but intoxicated I was, my decisions impaired by overbearing pride. You gave me wore than I once wanted; at heart I wanted love, but you gave me possession.

He did the same. You're all the same. I ask of you friendship and you offer me more: temptation, obsession. Around every corner I find you waiting, with such predictability that the absence of it leaves me incomplete.

He called me a heartless temptress. To him I was mistress of seduction, a siren. I was to burn for my cruelty, for failing to be kind enough to someone I had only just met.

I tried to tell you. I tried to warn you to stay away, but my eyes begged you to come nearer. A toss of my hair here, a twirl of the skirt there, and escape was no longer possible. You didn't believe in Hell; I couldn't explain my affliction. I couldn't save you. I couldn't even save myself.

I was nothing to you.

(I actually had extra time on this one, but couldn't keep it going...)
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  #60  
Old 05-10-2006, 03:55 PM
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I find that sometimes Queenie, but I liked that, seemed like something I should have written, quite strange. lol..

But I enjoyed it.. now ifyou'll excuse my hamster has just escaped...
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A Girl in Winter.
His lips parted, cracked and dry as he struggled to whisper: "My muse, you're here."
She simply smiled, "Yes, Drake, I am here."
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