Lars Svensson Mental Institution
Okay this is part of something. For style reference, think Vonnegut. They format is messed up, it didn't transfer well from word, sorry about that but I tried fixing it and it did not go well. Anyways, any feedback is welcome. Thanks.
The United States had a strange rule, it was as follows: some are mentally unfit to stand trial.
This meant that if one was loony enough, they would not have to go to jail. Cornflakes was deemed unfit to stand trial. He was sentenced to house arrest and intense therapy sessions with Candyland’s finest therapist, Bunny Hughes.
At first, Cornflakes did not like Bunny Hughes. He did not like the gays. Bunny did not care for Cornflakes either, but he had to pretend that he did, this was a rule.
Another rule was as follows: Bunny Hughes must decide whether or not Cornflakes shall end up in a loony bin.
A loony bin was a nickname for a mental institution. They were called loony bins because they were full of loonies.
Bunny was given three weeks of daily therapy sessions to decide whether or not Cornflakes should be sent to one of these bins.
Bunny and Cornflakes’ therapy sessions went as follows: one gay joke after another.
Some of the jokes Cornflakes told were as follows: why can’t gay guys drive faster than 68 miles per hour? Because at 69 they blow a rod. What did one gay guy say to another getting ready for vacation? Can I help you pack your shit, and so on.
Cornflakes thought that these jokes were funny. Bunny did not. Therefore, Cornflakes was sent to the loony bin. The loony bin he was sent to was called the Lars Svensson Mental Institution. It was in Nadir, Maine.
Nadir, Maine was the town in which Lars Svensson had lived.
The town had a park and a school and a general store, and a monument of Lars Svensson in the city’s center. It looked like this:
Each citizen of Nadir was expected to live by Svensson’s famous words, they were as follows: people shall eat, trees shall grow, and children shall be born.
Some citizens took his words too seriously. They planted too many trees. This led to the establishment of Zenith Tree-Choppin’ Inc. This was on the side of Cornflakes’ plane.
Zenith Tree-Choppin’ Inc. was founded to chop trees in Nadir. It was also used as the primary transportation firm for patients en route to the Lars Svensson Mental Institution.
The Lars Svensson Mental Institution was a big fancy building. It took only the most curable patients.
Nonetheless, the mentally stable Cornflakes was admitted to the Lars Svensson Mental Institution, and assigned room 15.
This institution was like none other. Each patient would be assigned a room, which they would share with a prefect. Cornflakes’ prefect was a skinny pornography addict. His name was Urban Thomas.
Urban was a former patient at the Lars Svensson Mental Institution. He had excelled as a patient, and was made a prefect.
Urban was originally admitted to the mental institution because he parked within ten feet of a fire hydrant.
In Nadir, parking within ten feet of a fire hydrant was of the most severe violations one could commit. It was among offenses such as murder, chewing gum, and capitalism.
Nadir was very isolate. It was more or less governed by itself, and it was communist. In fact, it was against the Nadir Convention to exercise any political or economic form other than communism.
The Nadir Convention was a law code written specifically for the great city of Nadir. Lars Svensson wrote it.
Lars Svensson had been the communist dictator of Nadir. He had established the Lars Svensson Mental Institution in honor of himself. This was to protect against serious offenses. Some of them were as follows: capitalism, parking within ten feet of a fire hydrant, chewing gum, and so on. These were all considered to be acts of ‘mental instability.’
Lars had a dream, it was as follows: all citizens of Nadir shall love their land and not break the rules. If followed, Nadir will become the greatest community on this planet.
But the problem was:
Lars Svensson had redistributed all the land and property in Nadir. He had created communes, and assigned each family their own house on a commune. These residences were in fact lower class then the Lars Svensson Mental Institute accommodations.
Many citizens then broke the rules. They wanted to live at the Lars Svensson Mental Institution.
Some of the offenses were as follows: murder, chewing gum, burning of the courthouse, and so on.
Cornflakes had burned a courthouse. This was in Candyland. He was then sent to Nadir for behavior like this.
In Nadir, Cornflakes made no friends. In fact, he made a lot of enemies. His most hated enemy was Nurse Jensen.
Nurse Jensen was the niece of Lars Svensson. She was a bitch. No one liked her, especially Cornflakes.
Jensen, like her uncle, was a totalitarian. She wanted to control everything and everyone. She made a list of rules for the mental institution; they were as follows:
1. No one shall have fun
2. Each and every patient shall join in a tribute to Lars Svensson each and every day.
3. No patient shall physically attack another
4. No patient shall speak to a staff member unless spoken to
5. Nurse Jensen has control over every patient
These rules seemed unfair, but then again, they were in a mental institution.
See it was funny because:
Perhaps the most mentally unstable individual in the Lars Svensson Mental Institution was Nurse Jensen. Nurse Jensen was a loony. She heard voices.
These voices were not real voices; they were fake. They told her how to behave. This was in one shape or form called schizophrenia.
Schizophrenia was a complex mental illness. It was the kind of mental illness seen at mental institutions. The Lars Svensson Mental Institution, however, had but one schizophrenic. Her name was Nurse Jensen.
The Lars Svensson Mental Institution had very few mentally ill patients. Most patients were offenders of the Nadir Convention or another law code. It was like a prison, except one could safely drop the soap at the Lars Svensson Mental Institution.
Cornflakes had arrived at the Lars Svensson Mental Institute after a lengthy flight from Candyland and a short bus ride. He had arrived at the Nadir Community Airport.
The Nadir Community Airport was a small establishment. It had just one runway. The runway was thin, rough, and said the following: No capitalist man of any significance shall visit this great land- Lars Svensson.
Every establishment in Nadir had a Lars Svensson quote in one place or another. It was part of the Nadir Convention.
The Lars Svensson Mental Institution had perhaps the most famous quote. It was as follows: people shall eat, trees shall grow, and children shall be born- Lars Svensson.
This was the first thing Cornflakes noticed about the institution. The second was another quote, which was engraved on the stone path beyond the gates. Cornflakes saw it as he pressed his feet against the top-grade Nadir stone; it was as follows: If you are reading this, then you have screwed up. You are at this point a failure, but don’t worry, enter here and we will fix you. Then you can return as a functioning member of this great society- Lars Svensson.
Cornflakes noticed this and continued walking. Anything Lars Svensson said was of no interest to Cornflakes.
This was unfortunate.
The Lars Svensson Mental Institution was based on the idea that the words of Lars Svensson could cure any misled citizen. Instead of using common psychological techniques, the institution spat a mass of Svensson quotes.
In fact, the cure for any patient was a number of classes based on the Satanisknoshörning.
The Satanisknoshörning was a collection of scriptures based off of the words of Lars Svensson. It was like the Bible of Lars Svensson.
After a series of classes based on the Satanisknoshörning each day, Nurse Jensen would lead one cohesive prayer in the Lars Svensson Main Room. It was as follows: One we are, and we are one. Rejoice in your treatment, and be healthy, prosperous, and a valued member of the Nadir society. We are Svensson’s children, we must rejoice in that fact. What a beautiful day he has blessed us with, Dr. Svensson please bless us with more. Manslemört.
Manslemört was how each prayer was ended. It was the Svenssonian version of ‘Amen.’
Amen was how Christians and Jews ended their prayers.
Jews were an older group of people; many people did not like them. These people were called anti-Semites. Lars Svensson was an anti-Semite.
Svensson was a bright youth under Vidkun Quisling. This was where he learned his anti-Semitism. His Jewish hatred was shown through many of his quotes. One of them was as follows: no Jews shall be aloud in Nadir.
This quote was prevalent in Nadir. It was the second most common, after: people shall eat, trees shall grow, and children shall be born.
Both of these quotes were written on the walls of Cornflakes’ dormitory. He had to look at them each day; that is until he escaped from the institution.
The day Cornflakes escaped from the Lars Svensson Mental Institution was a gloomy one, and exactly four months after his first day.
Those four months were filled with balderdash and mortal worship.
Mortal worship was the idea of worshipping a mortal as if they were divine. Everyone in Nadir practiced this; they worshipped Lars Svensson.
Those who did not worship Lars Svensson were sent to the Mental Institution, in hopes that they would see the light.
Nonetheless, Cornflakes experienced this balderdash day after day. This led to serious thoughts of ‘snuffing it.’ The Lars Svensson Mental Institution had in fact worsened Cornflakes’ mental state.
This was perhaps due to the cornering.
Cornering was when one would trap another, emotionally or physically, like in a corner. Cornflakes’ prefect, Urban Thomas, did this frequently. In fact, he did this every night. Urban would emotionally corner Cornflakes. He would ask, “How are you feeling? Is there anything you want to talk about?” and so on.
Other Homo sapiens would corner Cornflakes too. Nurse Jensen was a heavy believer in cornering, only she did the physical kind.
Cornflakes was a frequent trouble make at The Institution, so he was frequently ‘disciplined.’
The type of discipline that Cornflakes received was not standard; it was a physical discipline. It was called Jensenian discipline.
Jensenian discipline was Nurse Jensen’s own breed of discipline. It involved the cornering of a victim, followed by the repeated paddle-beating. Some of the paddles used looked as follows:
Paddle marks were a sense of pride at The Institution. Patients would compare the number of paddle marks they had. Cornflakes always had the most. Some called him a ‘badass.’
This was accurate.
From all the paddle-beatings, Cornflakes had many lumps on his ass. Some might say he had a ‘bad ass.’ This was, however, not how the other patients used ‘badass.’ They meant it in a rebellious way.
This was also accurate. Cornflakes was certainly rebellious to the authoritarian leadership of Nurse Jensen. She ran her institution in an unorthodox fashion.