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[Sci-Fi/Drama] Untitled Project

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Old 01-04-2006, 09:23 PM
Derek (Offline)
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[Sci-Fi/Romance] Untitled Project


Ok, I rushed it a little torwards the end so I think it might sound a little....plain.I'm currently revising it then I should have a better version ready.

Anyways, tell me what you think?

Derek Schlegel



Ch.1 Untitled

Red, the color of blood, the color of temptation, the color of anger, and the color of the bus seat Clay was sitting in. The soft warm feeling of the seat put him at ease and Clay could feel the sun’s rays through the window. He leaned up to it and put his cheek on the glass while closing his eyes. “Warm” was Clay‘s feeling of his face on the window, the only feeling that would put him at ease. In an almost unconscious decision, he shifted himself closer the window, exposing his neck to the cold steel frame. An agitated Clay slowly woke and rubbed his watery eyes. “It’s too bright” He thought to himself. Just like in an action movie, Clay pulled out a pair of sunglasses and snapped them open with a flick of the wrist. With them firmly positioned on his face, he peered through the window and saw a holographic sign which read “Downer Street”.

It was on the corner of the intersection opposite of his bus. The sign was being projected through a hole in the cement and gave a distinct transparent green glow. “Downer street…Downer Str….Shit…” Clay uttered “I missed my stop”. He knew the only action out of this mistake. A small cell phone was pulled from the pocket on his jacket. After examining it for a few seconds, he pressed a black button on the front. RING… RING…RING... “Sorry, that’s me” Clay said to the other passengers in the bus, trying to sound masculine for having “social” relations. He opened it up and pretended to talk to his imaginary alias. “Yeah, now? Just now?!?! That’s great honey!!! I love you too! I will try to get there tonight, I’m so sorry for not being there. Yeah, yeah, ok, I love you so much, goodbye for now!“ Everyone on the bus looked at him like a dear in headlights. “IT’S A GIRL!” Clay screamed at the bus driver. The fat stubby man pulled up to a stop sign just in time to turn around and congratulate him. With the driver distracted, Clay got to his feet and ran past the 2 seats in front of him. Next to the driver‘s steering wheel was an “open“ button. If only Clay could reach it then he was home free. “Hey diver!” The driver hadn‘t noticed Clay‘s dash to the front of the bus. Once turned, he looked up at Clay, not knowing what just happened “At least your paying more attention to the road instead of me” What was going to happen next? Clay couldn’t answer that question himself but he just went with plan A and pushed the button to open the door. “Now I have to leave this bus so I can yell my true loves name in the streets and on top of the highest buildings! Oh Samantha, How I love thee, Sweet Samantha, My Tender Samantha!!!“ His body shifted to the Buses only opening, jumping down all three of the bus’s steps. Unfortunately for his reckless attempt, his body’s weight was placed into the force of the fall, causing his motion to catch him in a summersault. BAM! His face collided with the pavement, his glasses shattering over his face, the skin above his nose slightly broken.

“I almost envied you.” The driver chuckled through the open door, closing behind him. Four women in the front only laughed while two in the back just stared. It began to speed off, only to surprise Clay with one of the back passengers giving him a thumbs up. Clay just decided to wave in return, while trying at the same time to recover from his fall.

“Smooth, real smooth Clay” he mumbled to himself, “It was funny but was it worth it?” He eased himself up, and slowly stood on his feet. Blood started to trickle from his nose and soon turned into a fountain of red fluid. He took his left hand and covered his nose while he checked his right hand for time. It was 5:37 P.M. but right under it was his number that read 21/37. He pondered for an instant and his eyes dilated to the size of a pin head. He stuck his hand down inside the left portion of his coat. “No, Nope, Shit!.” His fingers had contacted with shards of sticky wet glass “That was my last one I had on hand!”. Something broke which sent a chill down his spine. He thought for a moment, then calmed down. “Okay, it’s okay, I’ll just rush home, I just need to get home, I have plenty there” . Without hesitation, he sprinted in the direction of his home. With one hand over his nose, he stuck out his other to wedge in between the crowd that was heavily massing in front of him. Voices of angry pedestrians cursed at him from being pushed, a few just walked out of his way. He ran passed a few magazine racks, an electronics store, and even dashed across moving traffic. If he were to be hit here and now it would make the slightest bit of difference to him. It was life or death after all.

“Must make it” he worried “I must make it this time“. He reached his Building after his marathon sprint and leaped his way down through the white marble plated lobby. Blood started to seep in between his fingers but at least he was running across red carpet. He made a large gulp, swallowing the contents of his mouth. No air was getting in. Would he drowned in himself? Would he bleed to death? Would he vomit causing him to choke? Death was nothing Clay was worried about, it’s the thought of dieing without accomplishing what your meant to do, is what worried him. He ran to the left side of the lobby and opened the door to the stairs. “At least I’m already on the first floor, just one to go“. He starting to pant heavily, not from being tired but from the blood that was running down throat. It wouldn’t stop, it felt like a large fluidic red hand was trying to Choke him. “Sec..floo.” he tried to say but was caught off guard by a vicious cough “Guuhh Couu Ahhgg“. His floor was finally reached and he started to check for his room. After passing room 24, he shifted to the left of the hallway, stopped at room 25, and without hesitation he pulled his keys from his right pocket.

By this time, the blood was seeping in between his fingers, running down his arm and soaking into his clothes. He fumbled through his keys and found one with “Home” chiseled on the head portion. He slipped the golden key into the lock, and turned it clockwise.. “It could be worse.“ He thought, which wasn’t far from the truth. “beep beep beep” The electronic key code was confirmed. Clay scuttled inside, thinking it would be over shortly. “beep beep beep“ was heard yet again for the conformational automatic door, having it close behind him.. With himself inside of the apartment, came an easy feeling inside him.

“Gaackk!” His throat had enough torment from the thin reddish mucus sliding down the back, tickling it and thinning his breathing passage. With a heave and a cough came a messy, yet satisfying conclusion to his personal hell. All of the previous blood, Clay had been trying to swallow to avoid choking, was vomited on his tan carpet and all over his jacket. “That felt good...ugg” Clay found himself saying without care to anything other then what he had to do next. He calmly walked to his refrigerator and opened the door slowly, try to keep his attitude straight. It’s only contents were 3 jars of condiments on the top shelf and a white box on the bottom shelf.

The white box was placed next to the fridge in his sink while he opened it without hesitation. What was withdrawn from the box was a small vile with a plastic cap on one end. He stuck the plastic end in his mouth and bit down. After about a few seconds of struggle, the medical plastic popped off, and Clay spit the plastic end on the floor. The Vile itself was a 5 inch long tube with a rounded end. On the other end was a high-speed, micro syringe deployment device. He shook it, and the contents inside clung to the sides, giving the impression it was thick. “Well, this is gonna hurt me more then it already hurts me…“ With all of his strength, he jabbed the vile into his neck. releasing all of the contents directly into Clay‘s bloodstream. His peripheral vision slowly retracted, His heart began to race faster and faster, and all of his extremities were cold. Then all time stopped. His child hood memories, his parents, all of these images were shooting through his mind in a very short period of time. The vile was still embedded in his neck and he didn’t bother to care at the moment.

With himself put out of the way, he scoped around his apartment. The room looked worse then Clay did. Everything was stained red, some even so old they began to flake brown chips. “This place is a me-uhh-ss” He said nearly vomiting. “Ok, ok, time to lay down” The vile in his neck gave a slight tug from twisting and simultaneous pulling motion. With it in hand, Clay he walked to the center of the room and set the vile on the coffee table which was right in front of his couch. The couch was facing the wall parallel to the front door and past the table was his large television. “Channel 4 please” Clay commanded with a firm voice “And lights off please“. The large transparent screen flicked on and began to flash for 2 seconds before channel 4 was displayed. The news was on at this hour of the day, but since everything was political, Clay felt compelled to watch what current fiasco was taking place.


“Well Jonathon I see what your implying we do in order to increase the birthrates but isn’t your suggestion a little too extreme?”

“Maybe so but have you seen the current situation? With almost half of the worlds population’s reproductive cycle disrupted from the previous epidemic, don’t you think this calls for extreme matters?”

“But even so, Reproduction should be voluntary, who are we to tell parents, that in order to get government benefits, they need to have at least five kids”

“You forget Deloria of the current situation we are in, wasn’t your husband a red gene carrier?”

“yes! But why should my feelings for him determine what kind of social order I fall under?”

“Have you not had one child stillborn and lose one, only to live 3 months in a medically sealed chamber?”

“……” Her eyebrows were beginning to twitch, and she bit her bottom lip, trying not to explode in a rage. With a few moments passing in silence, Deloria calmed down and brushed off her long red dress. “Well, I guess that I can at least understand the value of life after going through my ordeal, But your right, something drastic needs to take place”

“So are you conceiting to me, saying that your methods are inferior? That current research in your field is disrupting what we really need to be doing?”

“Conceiting? Me? Hardly Jonathon, I’m saying that we are still going to be human even after a crippling ordeal occurs.” Her head fell a little with her short red hair covering her eyes, shadowing her beauty. “You are beyond proof of human imperfection, with all your silent affairs and corrupt finance exploitations. You of all people should know what inferior humans are capable of!” Her fist raised, slamming the podium.

“…” Utter Silence. His face turning red in extreme frustration. “Well…”

“No, I don’t want to hear another one of your babblings about how in order to preserve our species, we must thin out the weak. You are worried that my methods will bring the weak to par with the healthy. Is that not true?”

“Of course not! I’m saying that we need to be in the here and now and stop trying to play with expensive toys. All of the medical facilities that you have acquired should be taken away and you should be locked up for going against gods will!” Both of his hands came to his face, trying to cover his past words.

“Jonathon….your beginning to sound like a member of the 14’s cross..” She gave a slight smirk at the announcement of her statement. “We already know what your stance is, so just say it!”

“Well if you know what It is, then why should I? You seem like you know everything. So go ahead and humiliate yourself!” His fat red face was beginning to puff up, the blood rushing to his head making it look like he was about to burst”

“We already have…examples…of our work that far exceeds anything you have accomplished. How does it feel alienating an entire country just because everything you do has to involve Christ before you do it?”

“You stubborn Bi…”

“Gentleman! Please!” Came a third voice. A slight cough was heard afterwards “And Ma’am. Will we try to stay on topic instead of shooting our mouths off? Since when did politics become so…Uncivilized?”

“Since people like him turned politics into religion” Deloria pointed at Jonathon.


Clay had enough “Television, turn the hell off please!!!” He demanded with his own ferociousness scaring himself and causing his joints to tighten “Oh my god, not that Jonathon retard again” He threw his vile straight through the holographic screen, shattering after impacting with the wall. The screen was fine after the ripple effect subsided “I really fucking hate that him!! Son of a…fu…..arrgg!!!” The exhaustion from Clay’s frustration caused him to collapse. He fell backwards on the couch; his fall creating a small tremor. “Now why on Earth would Deloria even try to coax that asshole?” Clay pondered but came to the conclusion that she did it in order to get Jonathon to blurt out his true intentions.

With his body finally resting after his last 20 minutes of self purgatory, he sat upright, feeling the need for takeout. Of course he could always get food from the fridge but he wasn’t in the mood for a bottle of ketchup, and 2 pints of soy sauce. He looked at his watch. It read 6:46 P.M. ,with the numbers 212/64 under it. With his left index, he tried to poke the screen of his watch with no effect. “Aww damnit, I always forget that” He gave a slight chuckle instead of giving into irony. The watch slipped off of his hand without any trouble. With it resting in his palm, he thumbed the front of his watch, accessing a personal menu. “Which one, which one….” He examined his watch closely “Not settings, not time, not mail, aww, here we go!” He pressed the option for settings by mistake. “Oops…screw this” Instead of pressing the screen, Clay pressed a side button which had the words Voice Recognition on it. “Contacts folder, dial code 2, line 37” A slight beeping sound was heard with a human face appearing on the screen.

“Hey Clay…holy…., what the hell happened to you?!?!” His face was plastered in dry blood. The feeling of it chipping was numb to him. An experience like this was nothing new but he should of known better. Thinking instinctively, a lie formed, consuming Clay’s original conversation.

“You wouldn’t believe it, I saw this lady being mugged by these 3 delinquents so I helped her get away from them. They backed off once I showed them my left arm. I told them this is what you get for mugging and they left”

“Seriously? Then how did you get a bloody face?”

“Well, The lady looked around 21, close to my age, so I asked her for her number right? Well, She punched me in the face. Apparently she thought it was staged, not believing that I could scare off some bad guys by just showing my wounds.”

“Women, goes to show…. Well, don’t worry about it. Why didn’t you clean yourself up though?”

“Oh, well, I just got home and forgot about it I guess. Lost in my own self pity.”

“Yeah, that’s pretty sad…” Clay’s face began to tighten with these sudden words “Well anyways, what do you want today? The usual?”

“Not really, I’m in the mood for meat.”

“Yeah, you seem to order cheese pizza a lot these days.”

“Ok, I’ll have 1 medium pepperoni and 1 large, sausage, pepperoni, and don’t hold back on the peppers.”

“Your going to eat all that pizza alone?”

“Of course not, there was another woman who saw what happened and thought what I did was pretty freaking cool. It was great too because she called the other woman a bitch for punching me after helping her”

“Your just one of those guys Clay.”

“Yeah yeah. Ok put everything onto my account and deliver here. Tread lightly though because if the apartment is a rocking, don’t come a knocking….Just press the buzzer and leave the pizza outside”

“Ha ha, will do, See ya Clay”

“See ya Richy” The screen turned black, switching back to the previous menu “Watch. Time setting mode on. Execute touch recognition mode. Maybe I should leave it on voice mode….Or at least put my watch on my left hand…speaking of which…” Clay pulled his arms from his jacket, revealing his blood stained t-shirt. With his jacket was off, he stood up from his couch and threw the it in the spot where he was just at. “Good thing your detachable because your one painful son of a bitch.” His left hand grabbed his right, pulling off a black leather glove. It dropped to the floor once Clay’s right hand grabbed his left, doing the same as before. He slowly removed the glove, revealing a black surface on his left hand. The fist was brought in front of his face, making a fist, then an open palm and back again. “You don’t look broken” The silver joints moved perfectly and the black extremities looked near polished.

The checkup completed easily; the dismantling just beginning. Clay grabbed the section of his left arm halfway between his elbow and wrist. It was here where his flesh met the metallic lock mechanism. With a twist and a pull, the prosthesis gave way, releasing in his other hand, sliding the prosthesis out a full 6 inches before the nerve pole released. “AHH….Damnit!” The nerve pole released fully, pulling a few cords behind it. Clay carefully stuck the nearly released arm under his armpit, firmly grasping the cords connecting to the nerve pole. “On three….THREE!!…AHHHH!” The cords tugged until finally disconnecting from the artificial arm’s nerve pole, retracting back into the lock joint of his left arm. Sweat, dripping from his forehead, soaking into the bloodstained floor. The wrenching feeling he felt over an hour ago was returning although slightly less powerful, tears running down his eyes from extreme pain. A few moments passed, his strength returning0, his breathing began to stabilize, his heart rate slowing. Almost fainting, he swayed to the coffee table, placing it down next to his watch.

Suddenly something caught his attention, blood. He, during this whole ordeal, still needed to wash up. In the upper right corner of the apartment was Clays bathroom. He turned and stared at the door for a minute, getting lost in a train of thought. His shirt was pulled off, placed on his jacket. Clay walked over to the door, standing in front of it for only a second.

“Voice Recognition please” Said a generated voice, sounding slightly feminine.

“Clay, 135-666” Clay answered in a monotonous voice, clutching his left arm.

“Password accepted”

“Leave open until all of heat signatures are no longer registered on this side of the door”

“Confirmed” The voice cut off, opening the tan door to reveal a large dark room.

“Illuminate please” he said, in the same voice as before. A large white room, half the size of his living room came into light. A very large spa tub was in the far corner, taking an entire side of the room. Near the bathroom door was toilet stall, like one at a service station. The entire room looked like a locker room, with small gray tiles covering the floor, leading to a small sewage drain in the middle of the floor. “Start bath water, water 103 degrees Fahrenheit, keep water 4 inches from overflow. Filter duration every 30 seconds” Just as his commands finished, the Spa tub placed in the corner began to fill. He looked around, walking to the side of the stall, staring at the wall tiling. On the tiled wall was a handle, which Clay pulled reluctantly. A small room, the half the size of his kitchen was inside his bathroom. Its contents contained a very large dresser, and a body-length mirror. A moment of thought, then decision. He grabbed a drawer on the dresser and pulled out a blue towel with matching robe, walking back into his bathroom. By now, the large tub was completely filled with water, the sound of the facet running subsided. He unclothed the rest of himself and stepped in the bath. “Awwwwww, heaven can be found anywhere!” A large smirk appeared on his face as he slid down the side, his arms resting on the edge. The feeling of his dismantled right arm going under the hot water released all tension, creating a most pleasurable feeling. The steam from the water slowly melted the dry blood from Clay’s face, making the water slightly murky for a brief second.

Knock…Knock…Knock “Shit, the pizza” He hopped out of the spa, wrapping himself in his robe . “One Second!” Why now? Well, he was hungry so the desesion between food and hygene was one sided. . “Front door, allow access” He met eye to eye with a man holding a stack of pizzas.

“Hey Clay…Whoa…Nice” A large grin appeared on Richy’s face.

“What?”

“First of all, your in a robe, second, I can see your bathroom is open, third, steam is coming out”

“What about it?”

“You know! Don’t play dumb with me, that hotty you met earlier is over isn’t she?”

“Oh! Yeah….” Clay trailed off, hoping his lie isn’t discovered. Clays thoughts were moving a million miles an hour. Will he buy this scam? Does it make him jealous…Does the think I’m gay?!?!

“Wait…”

“What is it?” Sweat was dripping down his face but at least his body was already wet.

“This is thirty minute delivery, I made it in twenty five….”

“And??”

“A quickie?”

“A what?!?”

“So it was only a quickie?”

“What?…NO…No…It wasn’t, she asked to use the bathroom first….”

“Then why are you in a robe?” Sweat began to bead around Clay’s forehead.

“Ummm, well…..” Clay was scratching the back of his trying to think of what to do next.

I knew it, you just stuck it in and took a shower, you need a little fore…” He was cut off. “Wait, wait just a minute, hold up Sparky. First of all, I don’t need sex advice from a pizza guy. Second, I don’t WANT sex advice from a pizza guy.”

“that just my first job. My second is helping friends out when they need it. Now first what you need to do is slowly come up to her…” Clay grabbed the two pizzas in Richy’s hands.

“Bye Richy, Door, shut please” A muffled voice was heard from behind but no distinct words could be made out. “At least he thought I had a woman over…” Clay moved to the coffee table and slid his arm and watch to the side to set down his take out. “I won’t eat it all…hmmm” A few moments of pondering later and he decided to put the large pizza in the fridge. Before eating, he made a plan of attack, deciding which was the best slice. “Hmm, this one!” He grabbed the biggest slice, the cheese sticking to the other slices, slowly giving way. The short feast began, only lasting 10 minutes before he ended. Half was left but he put the rest in his fridge on top of the other. After all, he knew he doesn’t usually order anything that lasts more then a few hours. “I should learn to cook, then my stove wouldn’t look so neglected…” He just stared at it for a moment, asking himself what to do… “I’ll start tomorrow”


Beep…beep…beep. “I’m up, I’m up damnit!” Clay rolled over on his couch, reaching for his watch. “Well….that’s just great…” He unintentionally reached out for it with his left hand, forgetting it wasn’t there. Instead of getting pissed, the left arm was reattached first. It took less effort then pulling but the pain was just as intense. “One…two...three!” The nerve pole was slid down the open lock on his arm, twisting slightly then given a final push. With a few moments of nothing, the arm came appeared to come alive. “Well, the new O/S is working properly…no time differential either…” A fist was made, then an open hand, and back to a fist. The test was completed just as he grabbed his watch, turning off the alarm.

“Wakey Wakey, hands of Snakey!!!” A face appeared on the watch’s screen.

“Damnit Deloria, you scared me, what is it now, I was told I get the weekends off!”

“First put on some clothes…” Her face turned red. Clay wasn’t wearing his robe, instead he untied it and used it as a makeshift blanket before he went to bed.

“Nothing you haven’t seen before”

“Yes BUT IT’S THE MORNING!”

“What do you mean?” He looked down. “Oh…well…right now I would something like I’m really happy to see you but I’ll just go change..”

“Good idea!” Her hands were covering her eyes, then slightly made slit, peeking at him. Honestly, she was a little impressed. She watched Clay walk all the way to the bathroom, completely naked. “Wow…if only I was a little younger…Get yourself together Deloria…Besides…your married” In only 3 minutes, Clay walked out of his bathroom, fully changed in a white t-shirt and blue jeans. While walking over towards his watch, Deloria tried to spark a conversation. “Hey, you really need to clean this place.” Her embarrassment was still heard in her words but eventually faded away before Clay answered.

“Well, even if I cleaned a few stains, it would all come back in at least a few weeks”

“True…I guess your right. How is the third generation O/S treating you?” It was a desperate attempt t change the subject again.

“It’s great considering I designed half of it, and how the test is going perfectly”

“Perfectly? I thought you didn’t enjoy the pain, uplink procedure?”

“I made peace with it. Anyways, what did you need me for?”

“Did you see my show last night?” Her excitement wasn’t easily hid.

“Yeah, that john guy is really, really, really pissing me off” His speech was only mildly disturbed by his anger. “But tell me why you tried to coax him? Seriously”

“What’s wrong Mr. Ferris? Was it the wrong thing to do?” Her eyes became big and watery.

“First of all, I don’t want to see puppy dog eyes, second, Call me Clay, this isn’t the most secure channel you know”

“Yeah, yeah, but you can’t blame me, it was funny”

“Yes, it was…until you mentioned the project…” His voice trailed off.

“Yeah…Speaking of which, can you come down to se me at the usual place?”

“An update on the O/S or is it something else?”

“It’s a surprise, I also want you to bring your car”

“Oh come on, the fuel cells are damaged, the piece of shit won’t run”

“CLAY! I don’t want to heat such of an excuse. You could fix it, you have done much more with less. Where’s the Clay I know eh?”

“Fine Sammy” His tone was almost childish.

“You’re the only person I let say that to me” her eyebrows twitched a little.

“And you’re the only one I let see me stark naked in the morning” Her face was the same shade of red Clay saw only a few minutes ago.

“Uhh, well….why did you sleep in the nude?!?!”

“To air out from a hard day of training, after leaving yesterday, I was tired, then what happened before I got here didn’t help.”

“I see, but seriously hurry up.”

“Fine, but give me twenty minutes, I need to replace the Fuel coils and magnetize the centrifuge.”

“…Are you kidding me? You said you had to replace a whole fuel cell”

“I lie, I wouldn’t trust me”

“Good point, well, see ya later”

“Bye Sammy”

“Bye Mr. Ferris!” The other line gave a high pitched transmission sound before the call concluded.

“I hate being called Mr. Ferris…” He wasn‘t angry at all, the thought of being called by his formal title gave him dignity. “If only she treated me like an adult” He sighed heavily and slipped on his bloodstained jacket. He checked the pockets, then walked over to the fridge. “I guess I should bring a few of you guys too” He opened the door and reached for the white box on the bottom shelf.


Down in the garage, Clay opened his car’s hood. The blow from Clay’s breath caused him to choke from the dust flying everywhere. He skillfully pulled out a long coil and replaced it with a new one he found in his trunk. The old one was dropped in a nearby dumpster. With his car repaired, he put a key with the words “Car” chiseled in the head of it, into the starter. A slight humming was heard, with a screen appearing on the steering wheel.

“Hello Mr. Ferris, where would you like to go?” A feminine voice was emitted from his car, giving him a soothing feeling.

“Manual Driving today”

“Yes Sir” He reversed the direction, pulling out of the car lot.

The Driving to his their meeting spot took less time then expected. He checked his watch revealing only 13 minutes have passed. He couldn’t believe the time it took but it has been awhile since he has met up with her. The area was empty, only she was there sitting under at the table outside of the coffee shop. He didn’t remember a lot of the area but managed to find a parking spot, surprising her with his early timing. The car was now at rest, “Goodbye sir”

“Goodbye” He slipped out of the door, waving at Deloria. “Hey, what’s up?”

“Oh, Hey Clay, your early!” She was waving back. In the twenty foot walk to the table, he decided to stay quiet until he sat down. After he did though, his tone changed from happy to serious.

“Is it bad?”

“No, its just going to piss you off, but I had the best intentions”

“Well, I guess it’s ok, but remember the worst disasters come out of the best intentions”

“I know, I just thought this would be our opportunity to stick it to those politicians”

“Oh don’t tell me…not Jonathon…”

“Sorry”

“…It’s ok, just remember you Owe me. Well, maybe not, I should be dead…” He trailed off, stirring his coffee that was already ordered for him. “But tell me one thing…Where is everyone in this area?”

“I just noticed that…where is everyone?” She looked into the coffee shop window to find no owner. “I don’t like this…I ordered these five minutes ago…where could he have gone?”

“Great, look to your left” It was actually to Clay’s right but Deloria was right across from him. A Black car with 2 Matching Escort Vans followed in front and back. Clay was calm but his companion was on her edge. She didn’t know how she could of got herself into this kind of situation. “I want you to go to my car”

“But…” She was cut off.

“Now, or I’m going to fire you, I know you’re my friend but I don’t want you here right now”

“Yes…sir…” Her voice trailed off. A tall Slick figure with two escorts closed towards Clay.

“Hey Jonathon, I saw you on TV last night!” Clay yelled at him, with a false gratitude. He sat in Deloria’s previous seat.

“I see you’re the pet project?”

“Sir? Uhh? I believe your mistaken, why the hell would an intern be a pet project? Did they slip something in my drink and make me super human?…OH MY GOD!!” Clay looked at his coffee and threw it, hitting Jonathon in his face. His Stubby mandible was dripping in a black liquid. Jonathon pulled out a handkerchief from his pocket and started to wipe his face. It was a tad uneasy for Deloria. She couldn’t help but be scared, watching Jonathon reach into his pocket after Clay threw coffee in the fat man’s face.

“Well young lad, I see your very…” He gazed over Clay, not liking his dress style “Rebellious” He finished.

“Why yes Mr. Jonathon, I’m a teenager after all” His words only mocked the already pissed off politician. “But look on the bright side, I’ll be 20 in a few months”

“That’s great kid” He sipped Deloria’s coffee, choking then dropping it on the ground. “But you know why I’m here?”

“Yes Jonathon” Clay’s tone changed once again, back to serious. “But first, have your two friends here disarm themselves. They can stay here but I want their guns on the table”

“That’s absurd!”

“And so is the heavy escort in your 2 Vans” His finger pointing in the direction of Jonathon’s car pool. “How the hell did you get military issue Lo-Drivers?”

“Why you little punk, how did you know?”

“It’s a secret” Clay winked at him.

“It seems your not coming along quietly..”

“Hell no, I’m a tender virgin, I don’t even want to know what your thinking about me” Clay began to silently laugh.

“You…“ His words were lost in Clay’s prank. The next moment would be forever burned into Clay’s Psyche. Four tall figures hopped out of the Vans, each wielding a standard military issue Rail gun, designated Lo-Drivers.

“You Must really want me if your willing to bring Lo-Drivers”

“Not just that, take a closer look at my Guards” Clay examined them for only a moment.

“Oh shit…”

__________________

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Originally Posted by Dalton
Right, they are "trapped in the depths of passion", they are not sticking things places. You know?

Last edited by Derek; 01-11-2006 at 03:05 PM..
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Old 01-08-2006, 05:30 PM
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This is good stuff. It needs some reworking in parts, but I like it. Can you give me an overview of what the plot will be? Whats up with those guards? And whats up with the blood?

I like your writing, but the way the imagery is written maybe it would be better as a screenplay?

I'm going to be busy this coming week, and maybe the next, but I'll try to get some revisions in.
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Old 01-08-2006, 06:32 PM
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I'm going to be honest, I couldn't get past the first few paragraphs because - there are no paragraphs. Space this out better and I think more people will be more willing to read it to the end.
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Old 01-11-2006, 03:07 PM
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Well, I fixed it and made paragraph. There were originally paragraphs but the problem was, they weren't divided. I also changed a little dialague to fix the plot.

Now I need some real help. How can I keep it from sounding like a screen play?
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Originally Posted by Dalton
Right, they are "trapped in the depths of passion", they are not sticking things places. You know?
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