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Dealinng with Meanness

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  #1  
Old 10-30-2016, 07:12 AM
Tor
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Default Dealinng with Meanness


Over my lifetime, I have encountered endless varieties of meanness. There have been bullies that use physical force to inspire fear and those that use psychological games to attack anotherís self-esteem or confidence to gain the upper hand, among many other versions.

These people live among us and often have learned how to hide their hateful behavior or cloak it in intellectual or humanitarian clothing. No matter how it looks if another is harmed by this behavior - it is bullying.

The physical bullying is the most simple to deal with (although not without risk of physical harm). Most of the time, in individual cases, the bully once confronted moves on to another victim. Even if the victim lost in the confrontation, most bullies will move on to an easier target.

The psychological bully is more complicated to deal with, as the bullying get mixed into complex social interactions. People are attacked at work, at home, in the academic environment - everywhere where there is more than one person.

Bullying is about control and power over others. Nations and ethnic groups are among the worst offenders but this piece is not about that genre. This is about us and the people in our lives who attempt to terrorize us.

What do you do when you are the target? An old Taoist saying is "He who is attacked must vanquish. He who is attacked need only survive." Or words to that effect. As well, "Living well is the best revenge."

I know, platitudes, but sometimes trite is true. Having regard for yourself and your life is the greatest weapon against the bully when you canít get away from them. It puts your self-respect out of their reach. Be confident in yourself do what you think is right and practical. Ignore them when ever you are able. Bullies hate this and after escalating their behavior with no effect they are likely to move on.

This is just one little part of dealing with bullies. Everything else is a variation on this theme.

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Old 10-30-2016, 10:21 PM
wrc (Offline)
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Hi Tor. I appreciated your post. Your post follows mine.

When I was in elementary school I was much taller than my peers and I had become a bully who liked to fight. People were scared of me and did what I told them.

Going home from school one day an older teenager, rather short and thin, asked me my name and I told him, then shoved him. He shoved back. He was a better fighter than me and I ended up with two black eyes and a busted nose. I still remember what he told me. "When you bully people someday you'll get what you've been dishing out. Knock that shit off."

That was one of those turning points. I switched sides. I began to realize that bullying was a bullshit game. I watched other bullies. I tried to intervene. Then I began standing up for others. I won more fights than I lost. And I had more friends.

I agree with you that surviving a bully is better than getting killed. When a bully runs a gang that's what police are for. When a bully runs a country that's what the military are for.

Since surviving so long my fighting skills are frail. And I do see occassional bullying in front of me. Before I realize what I'm doing I find myself in the middle of it attacking with my cane. So far, they've all run. lol wrc

Originally Posted by Tor View Post
Over my lifetime, I have encountered endless varieties of meanness. There have been bullies that use physical force to inspire fear and those that use psychological games to attack anotherís self-esteem or confidence to gain the upper hand, among many other versions.

These people live among us and often have learned how to hide their hateful behavior or cloak it in intellectual or humanitarian clothing. No matter how it looks if another is harmed by this behavior - it is bullying.

The physical bullying is the most simple to deal with (although not without risk of physical harm). Most of the time, in individual cases, the bully once confronted moves on to another victim. Even if the victim lost in the confrontation, most bullies will move on to an easier target.

The psychological bully is more complicated to deal with, as the bullying get mixed into complex social interactions. People are attacked at work, at home, in the academic environment - everywhere where there is more than one person.

Bullying is about control and power over others. Nations and ethnic groups are among the worst offenders but this piece is not about that genre. This is about us and the people in our lives who attempt to terrorize us.

What do you do when you are the target? An old Taoist saying is "He who is attacked must vanquish. He who is attacked need only survive." Or words to that effect. As well, "Living well is the best revenge."

I know, platitudes, but sometimes trite is true. Having regard for yourself and your life is the greatest weapon against the bully when you canít get away from them. It puts your self-respect out of their reach. Be confident in yourself do what you think is right and practical. Ignore them when ever you are able. Bullies hate this and after escalating their behavior with no effect they are likely to move on.

This is just one little part of dealing with bullies. Everything else is a variation on this theme.
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  #3  
Old 10-31-2016, 04:57 AM
Tor
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Hi wrc,

Most of the time people will leave a crazy old man alone - it works for me.

I agree that we all have conversion experiences that can change our lives for the better. Sometimes a beating is the only way change can happen. I know I have had mine as well.
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