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Paradiso (Flash Fiction) (426 Words)

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  #1  
Old 11-08-2016, 03:34 PM
Yonathan1 (Offline)
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Default Paradiso (Flash Fiction) (426 Words)


Italy was like a heavenly place for me, anyone would desire to live here, when I was a boy staring out into the space with friends of mine. We saw the constellations and laid our backs among the hill of the wooded acre in the night. My head turned to the right when I saw my friend who fiddled with his flashlight in the sky. Playful as we were, this was our time... our last time to be kids before I left for good.

‘Vaghi, you see that star above your eye? That is what I want to be!’

‘How come, is just star?’

‘You see my paradise is just waiting for me upon this night, this night among the void of black, this night upon the golden stars that just stay endlessly in their heaven.’

We repeated to each other these words as I finished my train of thought.

‘It’s what we choose, and what we choose to become, stars of a paradise above!’

I rose.

‘After all this, Italy, the greatest country of all human beings, you have all these history and glorious life of the practitioners to the cosmos, you have the pioneers of the garments that you wear, Gucci! You have this endless rolling hills and trees shaped so hackneyed, but I adore it, I adore it all...’

‘I can tell how much you like Italy man! Is interesting!’

Adding ‘Sit now! We keep looking at stars!’

‘I would love nothing more than to do that.’

I spoke much profoundly and a little philosophical.

‘Although I wish I could come back here and be a Paradiso head for the rest of my life, and you can bet that I will return.’

‘I can imagine amico, friend of republica Italiana...’

He put a hand, signalling me to sit down.

‘Nothing like it!’

A voice started booming out of nowhere and out came an older man with his hound scouring for anyone that was within his radius in the warm night air.

‘What was that!?’

‘Is go!’ he said.

The stars began to disappear and my eye saw its disappearance and I swore I would come back again after all this enlightenment I had taken in. My Paradiso will begin and I will arrive again here as a man that I promised myself. It will happen!

‘Ragazzi, Andiamo!’

‘Giovanna will I see you again?’

‘Si amico!’

‘Take care all! Arrivederci!’

I left despite the hour to depart from a crazed Italian psycho with an angry voice on the road back to my cousin’s home.


Last edited by Yonathan1; 11-08-2016 at 07:19 PM..
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  #2  
Old 11-30-2016, 04:08 AM
IanG (Offline)
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'..our backs among the hill..' Hill singular reads odd here, it ought to read 'hills' plural or 'backs on the hill.'

You could perhaps tell us more about why the narrator loves Italy. Is it the climate, the art. its people or a combination of these things?
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Old 11-30-2016, 06:22 PM
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That first sentence is run on; it's really 3 sentences spliced with commas instead of semicolons or periods.
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Old 12-05-2016, 11:58 AM
Miki (Offline)
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Default paradiso

I liked it although ended up a bit confused, was the angry man the one who simply appeared and then disappeared?
I was left, wanting more but I enjoy the flash fiction format. Thanks, miki
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