WritersBeat.com
 

Go Back   WritersBeat.com > Write Here > Free Writing

Free Writing Plot bunnies, random musings, etc. No one-liners.


Monroe's Motivated Sequence Speech - Against Gun Control

Reply
 
Thread Tools
  #1  
Old 11-29-2016, 05:30 AM
Syxx34 (Offline)
Pencil pusher
Official Member
 
Join Date: Nov 2016
Posts: 12
Thanks: 0
Thanks 0
Default Monroe's Motivated Sequence Speech - Against Gun Control


Can someone review this and see if I actually did the "Monroe's Motivated Sequence"? If I did not. Can someone assist me with correcting this? This is my last writing assignment in my last writing class as I am a Math major and writing is not my subject.

Thank you for the help

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------


Imagine yourself walking home late at night from a friends house. It is very dark and hard to keep track of your surroundings. Suddenly you hear footsteps quickly approaching you from behind. When you turn around you see a masked man with a knife. You only have seconds to act; what do you do. This situation can happen to anyone. Fortunately, there is an easy solution for this situation. If you had a firearm you could draw it within the few seconds you have and either scare or stop the attacker. Wouldn't you feel safer with a firearm?

The United States has always been a firm believer of the right to bear arms. Our birth as a nation began when colonial and militia soldiers took up arms against the tyranny of the British empire. I believe firearms are needed and should always have a place in the United States. Unfortunately, gun lobbyist and other anti-gun organizations are putting much unwanted pressure our second amendment rights. Being a gun owner has given me the opportunity to practice my second amendment rights. I own a variety of firearms which range from hand-guns to semi-automatic sporting rifles which lobbyist and even our current president calls "assault weapons". Today, you will see how gun control does not work, the benefits of firearms, and how you can protect your 2nd amendment rights.

Over 200 years ago when our founding fathers drafted the 2nd amendment, which is "A well regulated militia being necessary to the security of a free state, the right of the people to keep and bear arms shall not be infringed." Today, the way the American public perceives firearms is much different. Many Americans believe guns are the root of evil in the United States. Gun control lobbyist are trying to impose each and every possible law and regulation they can get through congress. Many of these rules and regulations which they wish to impose bite at the hands and feet of your second amendment. Gun control lobbyist are trying to scare the American public into throwing away there second amendment rights. Some of these lobbyist will do anything to give firearms and their owners a bad reputation. They are misleading statistics about gun to death ratio on children such as "The statistic labeled 18-19 year old as children making the total deaths much higher than it really should have been."

Criminals will bypass any gun controls laws that are in place or put into place. As a survey of felons showed that 93% of handguns had been obtained "off-the-record". This means that the felons bought their guns not through a gun store but from a black market dealer or another illegal method. Why should a law abiding citizens who passes a background check not be able to purchase a firearm. Many gun owners and enthusiast are asking why do we need so much rules and regulation on gun ownership since history shows gun control does not work. As the Washington Post states that Washington, D.C. has, perhaps, the most strict gun control laws in the country and yet it is frequently referred to as "the Murder Capital of the nation". In the 25 years following the Washington D.C. gun ban. "It's murder rate has INCREASED by 51 percent, even while the national rate DECREASED 36 percent." There was a rise in homicide by 200% in Washington D.C during this time.

Instead of putting pointless restrictions and laws on private gun ownership we should be educating the public about gun safety and how we can all benefit from them. When firearms are safely used and operated. They are used for different things such as providing food, entertainment, and for self-defense, which is the number one reason for owning a firearm. As said on gunowner.com that "Law-abiding citizens use guns to defend themselves against criminals as many as 2.5 million times every year" Which is equivalent to 6,850 times a day. This means that each year, "firearms are used more than 80 times more often to protect the lives of honest citizens than to take lives." The government has already imposed bans on assault riffles in America by limiting the amount one person can own plus the clip size of the riffle which is a maximum of 8 bullets or shots. Millions of law abiding citizens have owned these types of firearms for decades with out breaking any laws. This ban has opened the door to limiting other firearms a law abiding citizen could purchase. What is next on the ban list of firearms? The sporting rifles and shotguns which are the main firearms used to harvest game to put food on the table. Are we going to ban handguns which are used for self defense purposes such as a robbery, rape and/or murder. One day it will be decide by you.

We must act against gun lobbyist and anti-gun groups to preserve our second amendment rights. I am not telling you to go out and buy a gun but just simply wanting you to understand that America needs guns today just as much as we needed guns 200 years ago. Do not believe everything you see on TV and on the news. Many shows are biased on this topic or simply just want to improve their TV ratings. Before you make a decision about any gun control issue you should research it yourself and learn the true facts. For our rights to be preserved, we must not take this issue lightly and be conscious about how new laws and regulations which are trying to be passed will affect these rights and our safety. To learn more about gun control, gun safety, and your gun rights you can visit the National Rifle Associations (NRA) web site at NRA website. The National Riffle Association has eight of our President as lifetime members.

If we do not act to preserve our Second Amendment rights we might loose them. Every new law and regulation passed on private gun ownership is simply eroding the right to bear arms. Imagine a day where law abiding citizens must turn in there only means of protection and for others there only means of harvesting food. Criminals will have no fear in robbing,raping, committing murder or any other crime. As they will know that their victim they are walking up behind to has no means of defense.

In this speech, I have provided facts to prove that gun control does not work, the benefits of firearms, and how you can protect the second amendment for all law abiding citizens. I hope I persuaded you to understand that firearms save and protect more lives then they take. Also the criminals who commit the crimes or murders have purchased the firearm illegally. Taking away law abiding citizens right to bear arms will only make them naked and defenseless when a criminal decides to make them a victim. Please do not let our Second Amendment rights be lost. Thank you all for your time today.

Reply With Quote
  #2  
Old 11-29-2016, 05:41 AM
Syxx34 (Offline)
Pencil pusher
Official Member
 
Join Date: Nov 2016
Posts: 12
Thanks: 0
Thanks 0
Default

any help will be greatly appreciated
Reply With Quote
  #3  
Old 11-29-2016, 09:13 AM
Syxx34 (Offline)
Pencil pusher
Official Member
 
Join Date: Nov 2016
Posts: 12
Thanks: 0
Thanks 0
Default

any comments or suggestions? Any help is appreciated.
Reply With Quote
  #4  
Old 11-29-2016, 09:48 AM
brianpatrick's Avatar
brianpatrick (Online)
Verbosity Pales
Official Member
 
Join Date: Sep 2014
Location: Arizona
Posts: 3,157
Thanks: 286
Thanks 686
Default

What level of college is this for?
Reply With Quote
  #5  
Old 11-29-2016, 10:15 AM
Syxx34 (Offline)
Pencil pusher
Official Member
 
Join Date: Nov 2016
Posts: 12
Thanks: 0
Thanks 0
Default

Originally Posted by brianpatrick View Post
What level of college is this for?

Introduction to Speaking Communications is the name of the class. Like i said before I am not a writer. The question I should ask is. Did I follow and use Monroe's Motivated Sequence for my speech?
Reply With Quote
  #6  
Old 11-29-2016, 11:17 AM
brianpatrick's Avatar
brianpatrick (Online)
Verbosity Pales
Official Member
 
Join Date: Sep 2014
Location: Arizona
Posts: 3,157
Thanks: 286
Thanks 686
Default

You pretty much followed the blueprint, it's just not well written.
Reply With Quote
  #7  
Old 11-29-2016, 11:49 AM
Syxx34 (Offline)
Pencil pusher
Official Member
 
Join Date: Nov 2016
Posts: 12
Thanks: 0
Thanks 0
Default

Originally Posted by brianpatrick View Post
You pretty much followed the blueprint, it's just not well written.

Okay. I feel a little better. Any advice or suggestions?
Reply With Quote
  #8  
Old 11-29-2016, 12:16 PM
brianpatrick's Avatar
brianpatrick (Online)
Verbosity Pales
Official Member
 
Join Date: Sep 2014
Location: Arizona
Posts: 3,157
Thanks: 286
Thanks 686
Default

Naw. The problems are mostly with syntax and flow. Not everyone is good at that and I'm not sure, in your case, it's going to make much difference.

Does passing the class hinge on this paper? If not,
Don't worry about it.

Go solve some equations😀
Reply With Quote
  #9  
Old 11-29-2016, 12:29 PM
Syxx34 (Offline)
Pencil pusher
Official Member
 
Join Date: Nov 2016
Posts: 12
Thanks: 0
Thanks 0
Default

It will determine if I get an "A" or a "B". Id prefer an "A" to raise my gpa average.
Reply With Quote
  #10  
Old 11-29-2016, 12:36 PM
brianpatrick's Avatar
brianpatrick (Online)
Verbosity Pales
Official Member
 
Join Date: Sep 2014
Location: Arizona
Posts: 3,157
Thanks: 286
Thanks 686
Default

Originally Posted by Syxx34 View Post
It will determine if I get an "A" or a "B". Id prefer an "A" to raise my gpa average.


Pay some Communications/English major to rewrite it then.
Reply With Quote
  #11  
Old 11-29-2016, 12:39 PM
brianpatrick's Avatar
brianpatrick (Online)
Verbosity Pales
Official Member
 
Join Date: Sep 2014
Location: Arizona
Posts: 3,157
Thanks: 286
Thanks 686
Default

You'll probably be fine. If you already have an A in the class, I wouldn't worry about it
Reply With Quote
  #12  
Old 11-29-2016, 01:12 PM
Myers's Avatar
Myers (Offline)
Scribbling Master
Official Member
 
Join Date: Sep 2013
Posts: 841
Thanks: 150
Thanks 169
Default

Imagine yourself walking home late at night from a friend's house.
Two edits in just the first sentence. To be of much help, someone would have to go through and mark up the whole thing.

Syntax aside, I'm guessing you could go through it yourself and catch at least some of these things, especially the punctuation.

Also, just try reading it aloud, you might be able to catch some things that will help the flow.

As it is, I'd probably give you a C, so you might want to take another stab at it.
Reply With Quote
  #13  
Old 11-29-2016, 02:11 PM
Nick Pierce (Offline)
Samuel Johnson, obviously!
Official Member
 
Join Date: Dec 2010
Posts: 6,427
Thanks: 1,918
Thanks 1,218
Default

Bro, it's not a clip, it's a magazine.

And it ain't riffle it's rifle. You know, like National Rifle Association.

English is only one of the languages you speak, right?
__________________
Through the smoke and fog there comes a form ... shape shifting ... could this be the Future?
Reply With Quote
  #14  
Old 11-29-2016, 02:13 PM
Nick Pierce (Offline)
Samuel Johnson, obviously!
Official Member
 
Join Date: Dec 2010
Posts: 6,427
Thanks: 1,918
Thanks 1,218
Default

[QUOTE=Myers

As it is, I'd probably give you a C, so you might want to take another stab at it.

[/QUOTE]


Yeah, give it another shot.
__________________
Through the smoke and fog there comes a form ... shape shifting ... could this be the Future?
Reply With Quote
  #15  
Old 11-29-2016, 02:50 PM
wrc (Offline)
Scribbling Master
Official Member
 
Join Date: Jul 2015
Posts: 997
Thanks: 0
Thanks 229
Default

Here's my take on your question. I developed my perspective by looking up your assignment. Here it is in a nutshell:

"There are many descriptions of Monroe's motivated sequence. Here is one by Dominic Spencer, an instructor at the University of Central Florida in 2011:

Attention: Hey! Listen to me, you have a PROBLEM!
Need: Let me EXPLAIN the problem.
Satisfaction: But, I have a SOLUTION!
Visualization: If we IMPLEMENT my solution, this is what will happen. Or, if we don't implement my solution, this is what will happen.
Action: You can help me in this specific way. Will you help me?"

It looks to me that you met all the elements of the assignments of the assignment, and thereby deserve an "A".

The assignment didn't have a grammar component so disregard most of what you read here on WB since this is a forum of writers where many members are concerned with the rules of writing.

However, taking the time to solve the language skills pointed out to you will make you a more educated person, even if you see your future in math and numbers.

It's clear you spent a lot of time and thinking in doing the assignment, so good going. wrc
__________________

You're not dead 'til you're dead and when you are you won't know it. So, keep on writing and having fun.

Last edited by wrc; 11-29-2016 at 02:54 PM..
Reply With Quote
  #16  
Old 11-29-2016, 03:01 PM
Myers's Avatar
Myers (Offline)
Scribbling Master
Official Member
 
Join Date: Sep 2013
Posts: 841
Thanks: 150
Thanks 169
Default

How do you know there isn't a "grammar component?"
Reply With Quote
  #17  
Old 11-29-2016, 03:23 PM
brianpatrick's Avatar
brianpatrick (Online)
Verbosity Pales
Official Member
 
Join Date: Sep 2014
Location: Arizona
Posts: 3,157
Thanks: 286
Thanks 686
Default

I always assume at the college level that grammar and syntax matter.
Reply With Quote
  #18  
Old 11-30-2016, 05:49 AM
Syxx34 (Offline)
Pencil pusher
Official Member
 
Join Date: Nov 2016
Posts: 12
Thanks: 0
Thanks 0
Default

Thanks for the help. I am going to try but honestly I do see anything wrong. However I am not an English major so I do not see these "common mistakes" or flow/syntax you guys mention. I wouldn't mind someone to proof read it but it doesn't look like I am going to get help here for it.
Reply With Quote
  #19  
Old 11-30-2016, 08:08 AM
Myers's Avatar
Myers (Offline)
Scribbling Master
Official Member
 
Join Date: Sep 2013
Posts: 841
Thanks: 150
Thanks 169
Default

Don't you have a friend or know another student who could proofread this?

Why do you think some stranger on the internet should do it for you?

And how do you even know that they would be competent enough to do a good job?

Last edited by Myers; 11-30-2016 at 08:30 AM..
Reply With Quote
  #20  
Old 11-30-2016, 03:27 PM
Tor
Guest
 
Posts: n/a
Default

syxx34,
Regardless of the lack of assistance you have received here - this site is designed to be about writing. The members are about(or should be helping other writers with their writing. The ability to communicate effectively is an important skill in all of life's activities. Don't put it down. without it math may add up but no one will know. For God's sake don't cheat - you will only cheat yourself. Fools are suffered here - don't be one of them.
Reply With Quote
  #21  
Old 11-30-2016, 03:36 PM
Nick Pierce (Offline)
Samuel Johnson, obviously!
Official Member
 
Join Date: Dec 2010
Posts: 6,427
Thanks: 1,918
Thanks 1,218
Default

[QUOTE=Syxx34

I am going to try but honestly I do see anything wrong.

[/QUOTE]


Should be
I don't see anything wrong

And you ain't corrected riffle.

A little bit of effort on your end is required, Amigo.
__________________
Through the smoke and fog there comes a form ... shape shifting ... could this be the Future?
Reply With Quote
  #22  
Old 11-30-2016, 06:05 PM
Myers's Avatar
Myers (Offline)
Scribbling Master
Official Member
 
Join Date: Sep 2013
Posts: 841
Thanks: 150
Thanks 169
Default

Keep in mind Tor is completely tone deaf to irony. He takes what people say and himself way too seriously.

I'm betting a lot of instructors would say the OP is already cheating by posting his work online and asking for help. So he's a day late and a dollar short.

As to whether or not proof reading by a peer is considered cheating, policies vary, and it's usually comes down to the instructor. Otherwise, if someone is attending college, then he should be responsible for his own ethical decisions.

But by all means, let's applaud his stance on the importance of good communications. (Apparently learned from the perspective of a cautionary tale.) It never really hurts to repeat the obvious.

Suffering fools indeed.

Last edited by Myers; 12-01-2016 at 05:15 AM..
Reply With Quote
  #23  
Old 12-07-2016, 06:56 AM
Mohican's Avatar
Mohican (Offline)
Tall Poppy
Administration
 
Join Date: Feb 2013
Location: Not quite back of beyond
Posts: 3,461
Thanks: 304
Thanks 590
Default

Re the posted piece - it's too "Boilerplate" and very stiff.
__________________
If you surrender a civilization to avoid social disapproval, you should know that all of history will curse you for your cowardliness - Alice Teller

If John of Patmos would browse the internet today for half an hour, I don't know if the Book of Revelations would be entirely different or entirely the same.
Reply With Quote
Reply

  WritersBeat.com > Write Here > Free Writing


Thread Tools

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off


Similar Threads
Thread Thread Starter Forum Replies Last Post
Monroe's Motivated Sequence Speech - Against Gun Control Syxx34 Members' Feedback 0 11-29-2016 05:07 AM
The Spectacular Speech MCMXCIII Non-Fiction 2 12-12-2014 01:11 AM
Speech Tags Devon General Writing 0 02-01-2009 09:40 AM
The Speech Tag FAQ Winterbite Tips & Advice 8 12-06-2008 04:15 PM


All times are GMT -8. The time now is 06:18 PM.

vBulletin, Copyright 2000-2006, Jelsoft Enterprises Ltd.