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Need advice from other parents whose kids have been bullied

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  #1  
Old 08-31-2012, 11:27 PM
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My little one is 8 yrs old. Last year she had an issue with another little girl shoving her and hitting her. We went to the school and it got sorted out. School has been in session only 3 days and already we are having problems. Only this time I am concerned Elissa may be a "class target"--where not one child but many children find her easy to pick on. (According to her it is the same little girl instigating things but they are not in the same class.) She is small and quiet and at times not as assertive as she could be around other children. This is breaking my heart.

What did you do to help your child with this issue? I have considered something like karate classes to help boost her esteem and get her around other children who do not treat her poorly. Thoughts?


Last edited by Loz; 08-31-2012 at 11:55 PM.. Reason: Request
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Old 09-01-2012, 04:03 AM
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Go and watch a few Karate classes where kids are getting trained. Go alone and see if you are cool with the instructor's style (everybody teaches different). If not, check out another. When you find one you dig take (adult) lessons. Then ask your daughter to sit through a class or two as you learn.
If she ain't interested in going the Way of Gi after that then you will need another avenue of empowerment.


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donnaf (09-02-2012)
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Old 09-01-2012, 08:24 AM
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Anything that boosts self confidence will be a great help for her. most sports and activities are great for this. It might sound strange but theatre school or drama club is really good. I have a couple of friends with quiet children; one has a scar on his face and was very concious of it. Theatre school brings them out of their shell and teaches them to project a confidence that defies bullies.

I hate bullying. My daughter is 9 this month, myself and some other mums are trying so hard to keep our girls all friends together so they can defend against the challenges that have started to come their way from some of the more savvy, almost street-minded girls in their year.

That's another thing you can do. Find out if she has any close friends at school and really encourage the friendships with play dates and after school visits to each other's homes. There's safety and strength for children among their friends.

I hope you and your daughter get through this.
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Old 09-01-2012, 08:32 AM
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Anything that boosts self confidence will be a great help for her. most sports and activities are great for this. It might sound strange but theatre school or drama club is really good.
Agreed on this, martial arts are a good way to boost self-confidence, but certainly not the only one. Like Lorry said, a drama club might be a great help.

I wish you and your daughter the best of luck.
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Old 09-01-2012, 09:17 AM
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It's hard to show them that "someone's picking on you, here's how to hit them," without possibly causing some new drama. Karate classes are fine, but you should probably introduce them at a less stressful time.

What are the teachers/principal doing about the situation? Have you contacted the parents of the other child? The best thing to do is to make sure that everyone involved is fully informed, and have all the adults work together to find a good solution.
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Old 09-01-2012, 10:54 AM
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Originally Posted by Firefly View Post
It's hard to show them that "someone's picking on you, here's how to hit them," without possibly causing some new drama. Karate classes are fine, but you should probably introduce them at a less stressful time.

What are the teachers/principal doing about the situation? Have you contacted the parents of the other child? The best thing to do is to make sure that everyone involved is fully informed, and have all the adults work together to find a good solution.
The karate lessons are for boosting her confidence and finding other children for her to mingle with. I don't want her to be fighting anyone.
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Old 09-01-2012, 11:06 AM
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No, I completely understand that about the karate lessons. I'm just saying that 8-year-olds might have a harder time differentiating that thought pattern during a time where she knows you're upset over her being bullied. I just think it's best to introduce that activity when tensions aren't so high--when things are in a lull--so that she doesn't correlate the two in a way you don't intend them to be.
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Old 09-01-2012, 06:23 PM
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I went through this with my daughter, she attended a very good school that allegedly had 'no bullying' and I wasn't listened to when I went to complain. I considered martial arts, but my daughter wasn't interested and she wasn't confident enough to take up drama classes.

Eventually I made an appointment to see the Headmistress of the school and said that I was considering removing my daugher, who had been bullied not only by the children, but by members of staff. The headmistress nearly pissed herself and although my daughter still didn't enjoy school, she was at least left alone.

My advice, forget martial arts lessons and shit, get down the school and tell them, they either sort it out, or you will report them to the local authority, trust me, schools are terrified of having a reputation of bullying. If they don't do anything then contact your Local Education Authority and report them.

At the end of the day, it is the school's responsiblity to prevent bullying, not yours. Why should you have to pay for your child to attend martial arts lessons? It doesn't make sense. When I got beaten up in school, my mum went down there and made sure that the bully was punished. Naturally in this litigous age we can't go around smacking the bullies, but we can hold the schools and teachers accountable.

Just remind them of the law 'In loco parentis' which means that they are responsible for a child's welfare whilst at school and under their care, and that they can be held legally responsible for any harm, physical or psychological that befalls your child whilst under their care.

Failing that, let me know where the little bastards live and I'll go round and sort 'em out...
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donnaf (09-02-2012)
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Old 09-02-2012, 12:29 AM
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RedLorry's idea is a good one. Bullying for me stopped at school when I started looking out the other children that were being bullied and we started hanging out together.

If your daughter is being bullied she probably won't be the only one. Find the other children both for her sake and also so you have other parents on side. It is much harder for a school to ignore a group of parents.

Remind the school as Syntax said that they have a 'duty of care' to your daughter and you will hold them legally responsible for any harm done to her as a result of the bullying. If this was two adults this would be assault and police would be involved. What is the age of criminal responsibility where you live?
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Old 09-02-2012, 01:58 AM
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Originally Posted by donnaf View Post
My little one is 8 yrs old. Last year she had an issue with another little girl shoving her and hitting her. We went to the school and it got sorted out. School has been in session only 3 days and already we are having problems. Only this time I am concerned Elissa may be a "class target"--where not one child but many children find her easy to pick on. (According to her it is the same little girl instigating things but they are not in the same class.) She is small and quiet and at times not as assertive as she could be around other children. This is breaking my heart.

What did you do to help your child with this issue? I have considered something like karate classes to help boost her esteem and get her around other children who do not treat her poorly. Thoughts?
Hi donnaf I thinkthis is a whole school issue that needs to be addressed.
The bullying is not going to go away unless the headteacher teachers and parents get to gether to stamp it out.
I would write a letter to the headteacher explaining the situation.
I would also ask for the whole school to act it on it.
It is your right to ensure your daughter is not bullied so you may want to ask the school authorities to get involved and make it a general issue.
The point of this isto make this pupil aware that she is being monitered, that everyone knows who she is what she is doing and why, across the school, parents pupils and teachers alike.
The whole school must come together in a meeting with all parents and children to outline what bullyind is and make those who intent to bully thatthey are being monitered otherwise it will not go away.
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donnaf (09-02-2012)
  #11  
Old 09-02-2012, 02:28 AM
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Originally Posted by SyntaxError View Post
I went through this with my daughter, she attended a very good school that allegedly had 'no bullying' and I wasn't listened to when I went to complain. I considered martial arts, but my daughter wasn't interested and she wasn't confident enough to take up drama classes.

Eventually I made an appointment to see the Headmistress of the school and said that I was considering removing my daugher, who had been bullied not only by the children, but by members of staff. The headmistress nearly pissed herself and although my daughter still didn't enjoy school, she was at least left alone.

My advice, forget martial arts lessons and shit, get down the school and tell them, they either sort it out, or you will report them to the local authority, trust me, schools are terrified of having a reputation of bullying. If they don't do anything then contact your Local Education Authority and report them.

At the end of the day, it is the school's responsiblity to prevent bullying, not yours. Why should you have to pay for your child to attend martial arts lessons? It doesn't make sense. When I got beaten up in school, my mum went down there and made sure that the bully was punished. Naturally in this litigous age we can't go around smacking the bullies, but we can hold the schools and teachers accountable.

Just remind them of the law 'In loco parentis' which means that they are responsible for a child's welfare whilst at school and under their care, and that they can be held legally responsible for any harm, physical or psychological that befalls your child whilst under their care.

Failing that, let me know where the little bastards live and I'll go round and sort 'em out...
The purpose of the karate class is NOT to give her the ability to defend herself or to beat the snot out of another kid. (Then SHE'D be the bully.) She is shy and reserved. We think being in a sport activity will be good for her confidence and help her get to know other kids. She is very receptive to the idea. And we are going to the school on Tues when classes are back in session. The principal at her school is a very helpful woman and takes this stuff seriously.

But if it doesn't stop, I'll give you a call!
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